


Aria for an Angel

by anyrei, mugglerock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A Realistic En ding More Than a Happy One, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, And Dean is Called Out/Dragged a Few Times, Archive Warnings/Trigger Tags:, BMol - Freeform, Bottom Dean Winchester, Bottom Mick Davies, But This is Focused on Mick and Castiel’s Love Story, But We Love Ourselves a Redemption Arc, Canon Compliant Through Season 12 Episode 10, Canon Typical Violence, Different Take on a Love Triangle, Emotionally Stunted Dean, Endgame is Destiel, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, First Kiss, First Time, Grace Orgasms, Grief, Jealous Dean, Justice for Mick Davies, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Mourning Castiel, Not TFW, Oral Sex, Partner loss, Post-Episode: s12e10 Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets, Season/Series 12, Sorry Not Sorry, Supportive Sam, The Authors Have a Bad Habit of Making Characters Chuckle A Lot, The Authors are the Worst Destiel Shippers Ever, Then Canon Adjacent with Some Plot Points, This isn’t Nice to Dean In the Beginning, Top Castiel, We Hold No Punches Folx, a little bittersweet, this is painful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 02:36:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 84,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22328545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyrei/pseuds/anyrei, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mugglerock/pseuds/mugglerock
Summary: In opera, the aria tends to stand apart from the psychological drama. The action halts, the singer turns to face the audience, and delivers his or her thoughts in a sort of ‘aside’.Castiel’s journey with the Winchesters thus far has been recitative, a declamation of his life simply without the accompaniment of music. But when a chance at love presents itself in the form of a short, sweet man; Castiel suddenly finds himself center stage, the chords of his very own aria changing the course of his life.If you read this anywhere that is not ao3 this content was stolen without the author's consent! Pls don't support thieves! Read this on ao3!
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Mick Davies
Comments: 42
Kudos: 83
Collections: The AnyRock Collection





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First and foremost:
> 
>  **WARNING(S) PLEASE READ** : Yes, while this story's endgame is Destiel, the focus is not their love story. If you can't imagine/stand Cas being in love with someone else (namely Mick Davies) TURN AROUND! This is _not_ a fic for you! 
> 
> We decided to explore writing a story about falling in love, and dealing with the death of the aforementioned loved one. This turned into Destiel, which then made this about getting a second chance at happiness. We recommend having tissues nearby if you decide to give this sucker a try.
> 
> And, of course, a massive amount of destiel love, cuddles, hugs, kisses, and some NC-17 content to our amazing Beta Duo, the Radical Rachels, T-Rex and Ruk, [Eyes_of_a_Tragedy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eyes_of_a_Tragedy/pseuds/Eyes_of_a_Tragedy) and [tfw_cas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tfw_cas/pseuds/tfw_cas). This fic in particular has had quite a few rebirths, mutations, whatever you want to call it. The direction and ending shifting and adjusting with large gaps of time, and reworkings. These two rockstars helped guide, mold, and of course better this story. Seriously, guys, we can't thank you enough for all of your hardwork and suggestions, even if we butt heads sometimes. We adore you both so much. <3<3<3

****

**Chapter 1**

“Who is this?” Cas asked gruffly as he answered the call from an unknown caller ID.

“It’s Mick. Mick Davies. British Men of Letters,” the man answered in a thick accent.

Cas frowned and looked around the empty bunker. The Winchesters were still on a hunt, and Cas had come back earlier to do some research into tracking spells. It was very late. He wondered why Mick was calling him. “What do you want?” He didn’t want to sound unfriendly, the other man had helped them twice now without any questions asked. But there was a part of him that felt strange, almost as though he were going behind the Winchesters’ backs just by talking to Mick. He knew Dean and Sam didn’t like the British Men of Letters – and after what they did to Sam, that really wasn’t a big surprise.

Mick chuckled. “Straight to the point. I like that. I could use your help. Would you meet with me?”

It had been far too long since someone asked for his help. He wanted to feel useful, so he didn’t even think twice about his answer to the question, “Yes.”

“Brilliant. I’ll text you the address. I’m looking forward to seeing you again.” 

Cas frowned at his phone as Mick hung up. He supposed that was just a phrase. He couldn’t fathom why the man was looking forward to seeing him again. A second after their call, he received a text message with an address to a bar. It was half an hour away from the bunker.

Cas closed the book and went outside to his car. Leaving the empty bunker was a relief. It always reminded him of just how lonely he felt.

The drive to the bar was uneventful. The bar itself quiet and small, dim orange-tinged light giving it a warm and cozy atmosphere. Mick was already sitting in a booth, waving at him with a bright smile when he entered. Cas couldn’t help but return the smile. It had been a while since he received such a friendly greeting.

He sat down across from Mick and nodded to him, the man’s smile still bright and friendly. “Can I order you a pint?”

Cas didn’t need to drink anymore, but he knew it was unfriendly to decline the offer. Mick had greeted him with amiability and he wanted to respond in kind, “Yes, thank you.”

Mick stood up, his hand lightly touching Cas’s arm. “Wait here,” he said before he went to the bar to order another beer. Cas looked over him, noticing how Mick leaned against the bar shooting him a warm and genuine smile. It was confusing, despite the fact that even when Cas met Mick that first time, the man had been nothing but friendly to him. Maybe it was just his nature.

When Mick came back  –  placing the beer in front of Cas with a smile  –  he resumed sitting across from him, leaning forward, arms crossed on the table. 

“Thank you.” Cas nodded politely. “What is it that I can help you with?”

Mick licked over his lower lip and folded his hands around the mug of beer in front of him, “There’s a case I’m reviewing, and I could use your opinion. I think it might have something to do with angels.”

Cas tilted his head. “What happened?”

“Kidnapping and a murder. I can show you the file if you’d like?”

Cas nodded, watching in fascination as Mick went through his bag to pull out a manila folder before handing it to him. The first thing that Cas noticed when he thumbed through the pages was that Sam organized their cases the same way. He looked at the photo of the victim  –  a man in his late sixties, he presumed  –  and the stab wound. He had seen those marks before, but he wasn't ready to share that knowledge quite yet. “You said it was angel related. What makes you think that?”

Mick smirked at him. “Look at the next photo.”

Cas turned the page and inhaled sharply. The victim had been an angel. The photo was from the crime scene and the broken wings of his brother were burned into the wall his dead body was propped against. He closed his eyes for a moment, hating how many of his siblings had died since the averted apocalypse.

Suddenly, there was a hand covering his, accompanied by a soft thumb caressing over the back of his hand. He looked up, meeting genuinely concerned green eyes. “I'm sorry for your loss. Was it someone you knew?”

He couldn’t remember a time Dean had said words of comfort like that to him. Especially after he learned of Benjamin’s death. He slowly shook his head. “I can’t tell from this picture, and I didn’t know the vessel… I’m just sick of seeing so many of my brothers die.”

“S’why we do what we do, in’it?” Mick took a sip of his beer and tapped on the picture. “See that? The marks ‘round his heart? Almost seems personal. What do you think?”

Cas tilted his head and frowned. “I know of the weapon that leaves marks at the entry wound like that. It’s an angel sword. They are larger than angel blades, and there is only one class of angel, besides archangels, that used those weapons. Grigori.”

Mick’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “We don’t have much information on Grigori, but aren’t they more passive? Not inclined to violence?”

Cas shook his head. “They are predators of the human soul, and I thought they were extinct. I encountered one last year that was killed, but maybe there are still more of them.”

“Is it possible that somethin’ else got ahold of one of their swords?”

“Of course. But it wouldn’t have been easy. Grigori are hard to kill, and the only way they would part with their weapon is if someone killed them.” 

Without any hesitation, Mick moved from his side of the booth, sitting next to Cas as he reached over and flipped to the next page of the case file. “I think this is a case. The branch isn’t all that concerned, seein’ as it was a creature and not a human that came to a sticky end.” 

Cas turned on the bench to face Mick. “But you mentioned kidnapping? Wouldn’t that be of concern?”

Mick sighed. “It might not be ‘cos they’re the sort that sleep rough, they don’t technically exist, and no bodies have turned up other than the angel’s.” His tone was bitter, almost angry.

Cas remembered his time when he had lived on the streets. How the other people there had cared for him and helped him, even though they didn’t have much of their own. He didn’t need to think twice about helping Mick with the case, especially if a Grigori was involved. “I want to help you. Maybe we can solve this together.”

“I was hopin’ you’d say that. Any of this make sense to you?” Mick pointed to a series of archaic symbols that had been carved around the body. It was the language from which Enochian was forged. 

Cas nodded. “It’s cuneiform. I only recognize half of the words, but... “ He sighed and looked up at Mick. “This looks very much like the work of a Grigori. They are one of the first angels, even older than me.”

“You don’t look a day over two thousand,” Mick said with a wink.

“My vessel was thirty-four years old when I possessed him. But I couldn’t prevent my body from aging, considering everything that has happened to me since that time.”

That was met with a soft chuckle. Mick shook his head. “I was windin’ you up, Castiel.”

Cas tilted his head in confusion and blinked. “I’m sorry. I’m not very good with references and colloquial phrases. Or humor for that matter.” 

Mick smiled. “I think Americans call it teasing? Ribbing maybe? You implied you were almost as old as the world, and you look… well… like  _ that.”  _ He wasn’t annoyed, he wasn’t talking down to Cas. He explained himself calmly, the smile never leaving his face.

Cas wished that Dean would sometimes take the time to just explain the references Cas didn’t understand, instead of rolling his eyes in annoyance. It was nice to have someone explain things to him without judgement for a change. He returned the smile. “I am very old, but hopefully it isn’t reflected in my vessel’s appearance.” 

Mick regarded him for a few moments, head slightly tilted as he made a few noises of contemplation. He pursed his lips and shook his head. “No, most definitely not. Except for your eyes. Lot of pain there. Too much for a man in his thirties.”

Cas gave Mick a sad, short-lived smile. “I’ve been through a lot lately.”

“Don’t have to tell me. Couldn't have been easy, gettin’ cast out of Heaven like that. But look, you’re here now. That’s gotta count for somethin’.”

Cas didn’t want to tell Mick that he was responsible for all of it. For some reason, he didn’t want Mick to think badly of him. “I hope I can be of help in your case. I haven’t exactly been successful on my own. Even though I’ve been on earth for a long time now, I’m still not very good at talking to people.”

Mick quirked his brow. “Doin’ fine with me so far.”

“I think you’re going easy on me because you know that I’m not human.” Cas smiled and grabbed his beer to take a sip.

“Fair enough. Well, you’ve been a help so far; I’m not too worried.” 

Cas hoped it would stay that way. He really needed a success after all of the mistakes he made since his fall. “You usually have that other man with you to help with cases. Why did you ask me instead of him?”

Mick chuckled. “I’m goin’ off books. We have specialists, right? Their hands are full with ‘real’ cases. So I’m on me own, really.” He tipped his beer toward Cas. “‘Course, maybe I’m not now.”

“I will help you. When do you want to leave?” Cas asked, though  –  for some reason  –  he was reluctant to leave the bar. Talking with Mick had been enjoyable. He was a very friendly and nice man, and he could feel that his concern regarding the case was genuine. The fact that those people were humans no one usually cared about, made him like Mick even more. 

“No time like the present…” He looked down at his watch. “Although it  _ is  _ late. We can meet in the mornin’, drive to Omaha, and see what we can come up with?”

“It’s just a four hour drive. If you want, I can drive and you can sleep. I don’t need to sleep.” Cas felt a little bad suggesting it because he knew it was selfish. Just the thought of returning to the bunker, being completely alone again… it didn’t sit well with him.

Mick shrugged. “Alright then, we’ll find a place to kip when we get there.”

Cas couldn’t help but smile. He was glad that Mick agreed to stay with him. “Thank you for calling me. I’m actually looking forward to working with you. Maybe when this is over you can help me with something too?”

Mick arched his brow in surprise. “Winchesters got themselves in another mess, did they?” His tone and smile belied his intent with that question.

Cas rubbed the back of his neck, a little embarrassed as he grabbed his beer for another sip. Mick was looking at him expectantly, and Cas sighed in defeat. “No, I did. I’ve lost someone I should have kept an eye on. And now I can't find her.”

Mick leaned back slightly as he regarded Cas. “Why would you need my help finding your girlfriend?”

Cas shook his head. “I don't have a girlfriend. It’s for a case, and I think you're better at finding and tracing people than I am.”

“Ah,” he replied noncommittally, “I’d be happy to help.” Mick took another drink of his beer, eyebrow arched again as he tapped his fingers against the table. “So, got a boyfriend then?”

For a moment Cas thought of Dean and immediately became angry with himself. He shook his head, trying to not let his feelings show. “No. I'm alone.” Saying it out loud worsened the feeling of loneliness.

“Really? I sensed some tension between you and your hunter, the one with the perpetual scowl on his face. Was I mistaken?” It was interesting. Cas knew Mick knew Dean’s name. It was curious why he purposely chose not to refer to him by name.

“You mean Dean,” Cas stated, to see Mick’s reaction. 

Mick shrugged. “Yeh, ‘course.”

Cas squinted his eyes at him, wondering why Mick seemed slightly uncomfortable. “Dean and I are just friends. He also has a preference in gender, so I doubt he would be interested in someone in a male body.” Cas took another sip from his beer to hide his disappointment, hoping his face didn't show how it affected him, how horrible he felt having finally said it out loud. It had a certain finality to it, like he had just voiced that it was stupid to hope, and he should forget about his feelings for the hunter.

Mick smiled over his beer. “His loss.”

Cas raised an eyebrow, wondering if that meant Mick didn’t have a preference. “What about you? Do you have someone waiting for you?”

“Nah, not the type of work for romance, is it? Unless they’re also in the job. And seein’ as I’m mostly surrounded by birds in the stacks, makes it a bit difficult.” Mick smirked, waggling his eyebrows with his implication.

Cas tilted his head. “So you prefer men as romantic partners?”

“Iron hoof, through and through,” he replied with a grin.

Cas sighed in defeat. Why did he always meet humans that talked in riddles and references he didn’t understand? “I don’t understand that reference.” He should get a t-shirt with those words printed on it, considering how often he had to say them.

“That was a roundabout way of saying yes to your question. Iron hoof is rhyming slang. Rhymes with poof. A poof is a queer,” Mick explained, tone soft and slightly amused, no trace of annoyance.

Cas was surprised. That was the second time Mick explained something to him and  –  to be honest  –  he had expected Mick to be annoyed by now. But Mick was still nice to him, there was no eye roll, and not a trace of frustration in his tone of voice. “Thank you,” he mumbled absentmindedly, pondering what it meant that Dean treated him so differently. And even though Dean was his best friend, for some reason, he felt better in Mick’s company than in Dean’s.

“That’s it, then?” Mick asked, tone genuinely curious.

“What do you mean?” Cas asked, slightly confused. Should he have said something more on the matter? 

“You’re an angel. Rumor has it, according to the Christians, God is  _ not  _ a fan of us.” 

“A common misconception,” Cas replied, saddened that so many humans used his father’s name to justify treating people  – who didn’t fit the norm  – differently.  “God is indifferent to sexual orientation.”

“And yourself?” Mick tilted his head, eyes hyper focused on Cas.

“I share that opinion. Gender isn’t a concept angels understand very well. When I look at humans, I see their souls. Everything else is secondary.”

“That right?” Mick turned slightly, lifting his right leg up on the bench between them as he faced Cas. “What’s my soul look like, then?”

“You want me to look?” Cas was surprised. He usually didn’t do it unless he needed information from someone, maybe to verify if they were lying. He understood that humans didn’t like having their privacy invaded. 

“It won’t hurt, will it?”

Cas shook his head. “But I may see things you don’t want me to see.”

Mick shrugged and held his palms open in offering. “Got nothin’ to hide.”

Cas didn’t need to touch Mick to look at his soul, but for some reason, he took Mick’s hands in his, trying to not think about the why. The man had soft, warm hands, and it felt nice being close to someone. He squinted his eyes, trying to concentrate as he tapped into his grace to see beneath the layers of the physical realm. Mick’s soul was beautiful, full of determination, compassion, but he could also see doubt and loneliness. Something that resonated with Cas, deep within his heart. There was a profound sadness about something that had happened in his past, but he didn’t look further because he didn’t feel he had any right to know.

Cas gave Mick a soft smile as he tentatively retracted his hand. “You have a beautiful soul, Mick.”

The man chuckled. “Bet you say that to all the boys…” 

Cas felt a weird sensation at Mick’s comment. Like something was fluttering in his stomach. He shook his head. “You are the first person who wanted me to look.”

Mick straightened up in his seat, fixing Cas with a serious expression. “Want me to look at yours?”

“Angels don’t have souls,” Cas stated, hoping that Mick wouldn’t judge him for that.

“And that, my friend, is where you’re wrong.” Mick leaned in slightly, eyes raking over Cas’s face, halting when they held each other’s gaze. “Your eyes have such profound pain in ‘em. But there’s also this sort of spark, and that spark is hope, it’s faith, it’s love. You can’t tell me a creature who can feel all those things don’t have a soul of some sort?”

Cas gave him a soft smile. “It’s not easy to explain. As an angel, I have emotions. In some ways we are very similar to a soul in our true form.” He looked away from Mick’s intense green eyes for a moment, unfathomably flattered by his kind words. He wasn’t used to people being so nice to him. 

Mick smirked. “I was right, then. And from what I can see? You’re lovely, Castiel.”

Cas’s heart stumbled and the strange sensation in his stomach multiplied in its intensity. He felt his face grow hot for a moment, and was confused about what was happening to him. Why did Mick’s words have such an impact on his body? He cleared his throat, and his voice sounded higher than usual when he replied, “Thank you. You are too kind.”

He wasn’t sure he deserved those words from Mick, but they made him feel happy. He also felt an overwhelming urge to not disappoint Mick in his view of him.

Mick waved him off. “Nah, just honest. So, wanna get a move on?”

Cas nodded. “My car is just outside.” 

“Actually, my things are in my car; mind driving it?”

“You’d let me drive your car?”

Mick stood up and grabbed his coat, a surprised chuckle as he looked at Cas. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Cas followed Mick outside, his shoulder bumping into him when they left the bar. “Dean would never let me drive his car,” he mumbled quietly.

“I would have thought the height difference would’ve tipped you off, but I’m not Dean.” Mick smiled as he held out his keys to Cas.

When Cas took them their fingers touched a little longer than necessary, causing a pleasant tingling sensation in their wake. “Yes, it’s getting more and more obvious,” he mumbled more to himself.

“Need anything from your car?”

Cas shook his head. “Everything I need I have on me.”

The car was nice. Very modern and much more comfortable than the Impala. He let his hand slide over the steering wheel with a smile before he looked over at Mick, who got comfortable next to him. He folded his jacket into a pillow, resting his head against it as he stuck it between himself and the window. “I hope you’re able to sleep well.”

“If I can sleep under a bridge, pretty sure I can sleep anywhere.” He lifted his head as he pointed at the stereo. “I don’t mind if you’d like to listen to some music. There’s Rachmaninoff in the CD player, but you can probably look for a radio station if you prefer?”

Cas’s smile widened. “I actually like classical music very much.” He started the CD player, the haunting melody of Rachmaninoff’s piano concerto number two filling the car. He smiled at the rather fitting music for his mood. Rachmaninoff had composed this piece as an expression of his gratitude for the man who had helped him through his depression and rebuilt his confidence. He had a feeling that helping Mick with this case would help his confidence too. He needed a win after everything that had happened to him. When he looked over at Mick, he tilted his head and asked, “Do you mind if I ask why you had to sleep under a bridge?”

Mick kept his head against the makeshift pillow, but turned to look at Cas. “Dad liked the drink. When mum pissed off, it got worse. I think I was ten when he broke my bleedin’ jaw for leaving dishes in the sink. Some nights it was easier to sleep rough than go home.”

Cas hadn’t expected Mick to answer his question. He liked how open Mick was with him, that he didn’t seem to hold anything back. “I’m sorry to hear that. How did you end up being a Men of Letters? I thought you had to be raised in that world to belong to them?” Cas asked before he started the car, slowly steering it onto the road.

Mick chuckled. “I'm sure you've noticed I'm, ah… not as posh as the rest, yeh?”

Cas wasn’t sure if Mick was referring to the different way he spoke, so he just nodded.

“Well, there was a park not far from our flat. I spent as much time away as I could. So one day, this geezer is hunched over one of the benches, and not a single bloody person was trying to see if he was even breathing. I shook him and he hit me with his cane. I was fit to pummel him, but he looked so… lost. So I offered to walk him home. Ended up inviting me in for a cuppa and had a long chat. I started visiting with him everyday.”

Mick chuckled fondly in recollection, “Taught me to play chess. He was a surly bastard, but took a shine to me. Ended up bein’ one of the top dogs in the chapter. When I turned sixteen, since he had no children, I ended up bein’ his taken-in Legend. I'm tellin’ you, those other geezers would’ve gotten rid of me if they could have. By the time he, uh… well, bought it, I’d proven myself of value, so I was officially brought on as a Men of Letters.”

“He was like a father to you,” Cas stated after a while, his voice mirroring the affection he started to feel for Mick.

“He  _ was _ my father, not the prat who just so happened to share my DNA. You know, they say blood is thicker than water, but that's shit…”

“Family doesn’t end in blood,” Cas mumbled, remembering Bobby’s words from such a long time ago. He sometimes missed the older hunter.

Mick smiled. “Precisely. Blood don't make a family. Love does. And I loved that barmy old codger.”

Cas returned the soft smile. “You should sleep. I’ll wake you up when we’re there.”

**…. :::: :::: ....**

His phone chimed with a text when Cas parked Mick’s car in front of the first motel he could find in Omaha. He looked at it with a frown. It was from Sam, asking him if he was at the bunker. He sighed and just replied that he wasn’t there, hoping Sam wouldn’t ask anymore questions. He wasn’t sure how well Sam would receive the news that he was helping Mick on a case.

His gaze drifted over to the sleeping man next to him. It hadn’t taken long for Mick to fall asleep, and somehow Cas felt flattered by that. The man obviously trusted him enough to drive him somewhere and fall asleep next to him, even though that put him in a vulnerable position. He looked peaceful and content in his sleep, and for a moment Cas just wanted to watch over this man, not wanting to wake him up.

Another text message from Sam brought his attention back to his phone.

**Sam: Where are you?**

Cas considered ignoring the message, but he didn’t want Sam to be worried. So he stuck to short answers.

**Castiel: Omaha.**

**Sam: Nebraska? Why?**

Cas rolled his eyes. They didn’t usually care so much about what he was doing. Why did he have to ask now? 

**Castiel: Case. What about you, are you back?**

**Sam: Heading back now. Did you find something on Kelly?**

**Castiel: Not yet, I’m working on it.**

**Sam: What’s the case?**

Cas sighed deeply and put his phone in his pocket again. He didn’t know how to answer Sam’s question at the moment, so he decided to answer him later.

Mick let out a soft groan as he cracked his neck. As he shifted to sit up, he appeared to take note of Cas’s expression, “Ay-up? You alright?”

“Yes. Did you sleep well?” Cas wondered if Mick’s neck was hurting him, as he noticed how he was rubbing over it with his hand.

“As well as can be expected.” Mick smiled before stretching out his back, arms reaching out.

“I found a motel. If you want you can sleep a bit longer. A bed is likely more comfortable.”

He nodded. “Cheers.” Mick’s eyes raked over Cas’s face. “What’s wrong?”

Cas was taken aback by Mick’s question. He wasn’t aware his tension was so obviously on display that the other man had picked up on it and also cared enough to ask him about it. “Sam asked me where I am,” he answered truthfully, wondering why it was so easy for him to be open with Mick. Probably because the other man was so open himself. “I’m not sure what to tell him. He still doesn’t trust you.”

Mick nodded. “Understandable. His introduction to us weren’t that nice for him. I don’t mind if you tell him, and I don’t mind if you don’t. I’d just like to see that frown fuck off and all.” He chuckled as he reached out and tapped Cas’s bottom lip gently.

The touch left a pleasant tingling sensation on his lip and he couldn’t help but smile. He pulled out his phone again to get it over with.

**Castiel: I’m helping Mick with a Grigori.**

He didn’t like to lie to Sam, so he knew he would have to deal with the consequences that would probably follow.

Sam did not get the opportunity to reply; suddenly Castiel’s phone started ringing. It was Dean.

Cas shot Mick an apologetic look. “I have to take this.” He exited the car and answered the phone with a deep sigh, steeling himself for another fight with Dean, “Hello, Dean.”

“You’re doing  _ what  _ with that Limey bastard?” Dean barked out, not even bothering to greet him.

“If you just called to have a fight with me, we can end this conversation right now.” Cas was done with all the fighting over the past few weeks. It felt like Dean didn’t think Cas was capable of anything anymore. 

Dean and Sam were mumbling something to each other, it sounded like Sam was chastising Dean for his behavior. Then followed a sigh before Dean said, “Look, Cas. I’m sorry for coming at you like that. I just… Seriously? This Mr. Darcy bitch calls and you come runnin’?”

There was some noise in the background and he heard Dean bark at Sam, “Hey! I read!”

“He helped us two times now without any questions asked. I think we owe him the benefit of the doubt. We are on the same side.” Cas was more annoyed by the way Dean spoke so poorly about Mick than he had anticipated. “Also, if you would take the time to get to know him better, you might see that he is a very nice man.”

“Oh, is that right? Nice enough to allow my brother to be tortured for days on end? Where's your head, Cas? Some fucking guy is nice to you and you think it's a good idea to run off with him?”

Cas had the urge to just end the call and throw his phone against the nearest wall. “Yes, Dean, he made a mistake. Like all of us did at some point in our lives. But I decided to give him a chance, and I haven’t regretted it so far.”

Dean scoffed. “And has it occurred to you, even once, that trusting these guys could be another mistake on your damn score card?”

Before Cas could respond, he turned at the soft tap he felt on his shoulder. Mick gave him a gentle nod and held his hand out. “Let me have a chat.”

Cas gave him the phone without even thinking twice. He was still shocked about the lack of trust Dean had in him. Was that all Dean saw in him, that he couldn’t do anything right?

Mick smiled at Cas as he brought the phone to his ear. “Mr. Winchester… No, no. I asked him to hand me the phone… No… I –” Mick sighed. “That’s not very kind. You should have more faith in your friend than… I understand, but let me assure you, he’s helping me with a case.” He nodded into the phone, but started to pull silly faces at Cas as he mimed Dean’s rant with his hand, his fingers opening and closing like a mouth. 

“What can I say or do to get you to trust me?” Mick’s expression grew serious and he sighed again. “Alright, I can’t do that. How ‘bout this? I’m in room twenty at the Sleeper Motel on Main and Broadway. I’m giving you and your brother express permission to search my room. If you find anything at all that rubs you wrong, call Castiel and he and I will part ways. Will that work?”

Mick smiled. “Great. I’ll give you back to Castiel now.” He held the phone out to Cas.

Cas took it, but covered Mick’s hand with his for a moment. “Thank you,” he whispered before he held the phone back to his ear. “Are you satisfied now?”

“No, if we find anything in that motel room, you better get your ass back here ASAP.”

Cas ended the call with an angry huff. He couldn’t believe Dean. The hunter was treating him like a toddler who couldn’t make his own decisions, and had to be looked after. He was so done. Even if they found anything in Mick’s motel room, which he highly doubted, he had no intention of going back, instead he would continue his search for Kelly. Dean wasn’t his commander, and Cas didn’t need to do what he was telling him. It was time Dean learned that lesson. “I’m sorry about the way Dean treated you. I’m not even sure if I want to know what he told you.”

Mick shrugged it off. “Can’t say I blame him for his mistrust. Lady Bevell crossed a line, one I don’t expect is easy to forgive. Not everyone can be as forgiving as an angel, Castiel.” 

Cas shook his head. “None of us are innocent. But I’m a firm believer in second chances.”

“Well, then I count myself lucky.” He gave Cas a reassuring smile as he clapped a hand on his shoulder. “I really appreciate the fact you're willing to give me a second chance.”

“I know I won’t regret it. I saw your soul. You’re a good man, Mick,” He needed to let him know that this was more than just giving him another chance. He believed in the goodness of Mick’s heart.

Mick chuckled good-naturedly. “I may be a good man, but I have done bad things. Just so you’re aware.”

“I believe in our line of work that is sadly unavoidable sometimes.” Cas sighed, trying to steer the conversation to a lighter topic, “I hope the motel is to your liking. I just picked the first one I found.”

“As long as it’s got clean sheets on the bed and running water, I’m easy.” Mick nodded at Cas to follow him as he went to the registration desk to get a room. After getting a couple of keys magnetized, grabbing Mick’s things from the car, they made their way into the room.

Mick laughed outright when they stepped inside. Initially, Cas didn’t understand what made him laugh, then he followed his gaze. Instead of two queen beds, they had been given a room with one king bed. “Gotta love the assumption there, ay?”

“It is as if she knew that I don’t sleep,” he stated dryly.

Mick shook his head. “She thinks we’re getting a leg over, Castiel…”

“Leg over?” Cas tilted his head. 

“Sorry, I keep using phrases you don’t understand. Hard habit to break. It means sex. She thinks you and I are having sex.”

“Oh,” Cas replied, for a moment, not knowing what to say in response. “I hope that doesn’t make you uncomfortable.”

Mick arched his brow. “If she thinks I’m good enough to get a bloke like you? That’s all compliment.”

Cas couldn’t hide the smile Mick’s compliment elicited. He turned around, finding a table and a chair, where he sat down before he was brave enough to face Mick again. “I appreciate you explaining phrasings and references to me. If my constant asking doesn't annoy you, I'm happy to learn something new."

That caused a big grin to break out on Mick’s face, and he moved to sit down on the edge of the bed. “I don’t mind explaining things, but teaching you could be fun. Would you like to learn rhyming slang? You’ll likely never use it, but…”

Cas mirrored the smile and nodded. “I would love that.”

Mick started removing his shoes. “Alright, we’ll start lessons after we’ve solved this case.” He looked around for a moment and when he saw his briefcase, nodded to it. “All the information on the case is in there. You mind if I kip for a few more?” He chuckled as he clarified, “Ah, sorry. Kip is have a sleep.”

Cas realized in that moment how long it had been since he smiled so much. Mick had this way of just bringing a levity out in him, it was amazing. “I don’t mind if you… ‘kip’ some more. I'll watch over y–” He bit his lip. Dean had told him that was creepy behavior. 

“Cheers, good to know I’m in safe hands.” His arms stretched out as he yawned, shuffling himself back onto the bed. “Mind wakin’ me up in four hours if I’m not up by then?”

“I will.” Cas smiled. He couldn’t believe Mick had just said that. Not enough that he didn’t think Cas’s offer was creepy, but he actually expressed gratitude for it. “Sleep well, Mick.”

Mick mumbled something unintelligible before crawling under the comforter. He fell asleep almost the moment his head hit the pillow.

Cas couldn’t help but watch the other man for a while. It was strange, and although he didn’t know him very well, it felt like he was starting to make a new friend. He couldn’t stop comparing him to Dean and Sam. Even though he had been through Hell and back with the Winchesters, and they were the most important people in his life, he couldn’t quite dismiss the fact that Mick treated him differently. Since the moment he met Mick, the man had never talked down to him; more of the opposite, he had always seemed to be impressed with him. He felt selfish in his desire to keep it that way. He hoped he could be of help in this case, and didn’t disappoint him. 

Cas wanted to get to know Mick better, and spend more time with him. Somehow, the other man made him feel better about himself, and he liked that. It was nice to have someone who paid him compliments. Cas smiled, remembering the compliment Mick had given him earlier. He wondered if Mick was flirting with him, or if he was just being nice to him.

He sighed as he looked at the file in front of him. It was time to read everything about the case. The last thing he wanted to do was be unprepared and make mistakes.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Four hours later, Cas walked quietly over to the bed. Mick was a very quiet sleeper. He didn’t toss and turn, the way Dean did far too often. Mick looked peaceful and several years younger than he actually was when he was sleeping.

He wondered why it was so hard for him to wake the man up instead of letting him sleep. Cas sat down on the edge of the bed and laid his hand on Mick’s shoulder. He tried to keep his voice soft and quiet, “Mick?”

Mick blearily opened his eyes, blinking a few times, and when his eyes came to focus on Cas’s face, he smiled. “Now that’s a sight to wake up to.”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck when a strange heat rose to his face. “Sadly, the four hours are already over. I hope you slept well.”

Connecting his fingers together, Mick raised his arms over his head in a stretch, causing his shirt to ride up, exposing his abdomen. He was surprisingly toned considering how little “field work” he did. “Are all angels so cordial?” 

Cas licked over his suddenly too dry lips when he couldn’t take his eyes off the revealed skin. “A few of them. I’m not sure if I should count myself among them though.” 

Mick quirked his brow, a look of disbelief on his face. “Alright. I’m not sure why you think so little of yourself, but I’ve decided every time you say something bad about yourself, I’m going to pay you a compliment. Need to balance it out.” He looked Cas over for a moment before he said, “Your naivety is quite endearing.”

Cas bit his lower lip, unsure what to say for a moment. “I’m sorry. I’m not used to this. If I say something inappropriate it’s born out of inexperience… but… um…” Cas sighed, “are you flirting with me?”

He leaned up on his elbows and stared at Cas for a moment, lips quirked up in a half smile. “I’ll stop if you’d like.”

Cas’s heart stumbled for a moment before he tentatively returned the smile. “No… I like it.” He looked away when he felt the heat crawling back to his face. This felt nice, but it was also very new and exciting. Maybe even a little daunting.

Mick chuckled as he moved to sit up. “Good. ‘Cos I lied. Weren’t ever going to stop.” He winked at Cas as he got up from the bed. “Want a coffee?”

Cas gave him a shy look, wondering why Mick had this effect on him every time he gave him a wink. “Yes please.” He stood up and went back to the table with the file. “I studied the file while you were sleeping. And I finished the translation of the cuneiform. I fear my translation only confirmed that we are looking for a Grigori.”

Standing by the vanity mirror, Mick turned on the small coffee machine before leaning against the bar to face Cas. “That’s great. Not the Grigori bit, but confirming it. See? Knew you’d be a great help.”

Cas tried to hide the smile, but he could see that Mick had seen it. “The hardest part will be finding him. His species was hunted by us to the brink of extinction. They are strong enemies and very good at hiding.”

“I say we go talk to some of the homeless people in the area, see if anyone saw anything. That might be our best bet at this juncture.”

Cas nodded, feeling a bit sad with his next words. “I guess talking to the police won’t get us anywhere, as they are probably as interested in missing homeless people as the Men of Letters.”

He merely shrugged. “Amazing, isn’t it? How often human beings, who supposedly have a moral code, can walk by a homeless person and just not look. I’ll never understand that.”

Cas nodded. “There is a lot that I don’t understand. But I know kindness. I once was in a situation where I had no one. I was basically human, without my grace. I was hungry, I needed to sleep, everything hurt… I found kindness among the people who had nothing. Who were just as alone as me. I think sometimes the people with less seem to be the most generous.”

“It’s true. Because they understand, they’ve been where you were.” Mick turned away to pour the coffee. “How do you like it?”

“A lot of sugar and milk.” Cas walked up behind him to help Mick with the coffee. “I think Dean calls my coffee a ‘dirty blonde’.”

Mick chuckled. “A dirty blonde it is then.” After fixing their coffees, he approached Cas, holding out the mug to him. “So, what do the marks mean?”

Cas took the coffee from him, his hands lingering on Mick's for a moment before he smiled shyly and thanked the other man. “It’s a curse. The Grigori cursed the angel as a traitor of our kind, and made him suffer a great deal of pain before he died. I think the angel either wanted to help those missing humans, or he was just hunting the Grigori. And he failed in his mission.”

He nodded his understanding. “Right. So, how do you kill one? A Grigori?”

“Angelic weapons. I have an angel blade. I also acquired a spare one recently, should you need it.”

Mick pursed his lips in acquiescence. “Couldn’t hurt. I’ve just got a pair of knuckle dusters with sigils and spellwork that can hurt angels. Don’t even know if they’d work on Grigori.”

“If they work on angels, they will also work on Grigori. But I wouldn’t recommend going into hand to hand combat with one. They are incredibly fast, precise, and deadly.”

“Almost sound concerned for me…” he teased over his coffee.

“I am, actually.” Cas sipped at his coffee before he put it down to pour more sugar into it. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Mick chuckled, his smile fond. “You’re adorable.”

“That’s a first.”

“Fraid I don’t believe ya’,” Mick smiled as he took another sip of his coffee.

Cas shook his head with his own smile. “I’m pretty sure I would remember if someone ever told me that I’m adorable. I think the word that has been used most to describe me was, ‘dick’.”

“Are ya’?” he asked, a challenge in his tone.

“Probably,” Cas admitted with a half shrug. “It was justified most of the time.”

“I like you more and more, Castiel.” Mick smiled again.

Cas mirrored the smile. “That goes for me too.”

That was met with an almost nod. “Cheers.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Mick had asked around to find the street most of the homeless people seemed to frequent in the daytime. Cas watched him talk to people, how he used his politeness and charm to get the information he wanted. He oozed self-confidence in everything he did, and Cas wondered if that was the secret. 

When they walked down the street, Mick kept bumping into him, shooting him a quick smile whenever it happened. It made his heart beat faster. Whatever it was that was happening between them, Cas liked it.

They reached an abandoned train station at the end of the street with at least thirty homeless people either sitting on the ruined platform, or sleeping on one of the benches.

“Are you doing the talking? I'm not very good at it,” Cas whispered to Mick.

“It'll be a lot quicker if we both do it,” Mick suggested. At the look of dread in Cas's eyes, he chuckled. “Look, all you need to do is talk to them, not at them. Say hello. Ask if they mind talking with you. If they say yes, don't push it. If they don't mind, you know the case files. Just ask if they've seen anything strange, yeh?”

“Okay,” Cas breathed out. He felt nervous after his last interview. He tended to be too direct and too impatient. The finer art of conversation escaped him when all he wanted was information, and got annoyed that people wouldn’t just cooperate with him. 

“Would offerin’ to let you practice on me be rude?”

Cas sighed in relief. “No, that would actually make me feel a lot better.”

Mick smiled, opening his palms out in invitation. “Pretend I’m a stranger.”

Cas returned the smile for a moment, wondering at what point Mick had become anything but a stranger to him. He cleared his throat and wondered what he should say before he decided just to greet him. Cas almost winced with how timid his voice sounded, “Hello.”

“‘Allo,” Mick repeated, a glimmer of affection in his eyes as he chuckled softly.

Cas gave him a shy smile. “I was wondering if you could answer a few of my questions.”

“Now here we can have two reactions, right? Might tell you to sod off, might tell you yes. If I say no, you can thank me and move on, yeh? So, let’s say I said yes?”

“Thank you. I’m looking for the people that went missing recently. Is there anything you might have seen, a stranger who doesn’t belong here, who talked to those people?”

Mick made it a point to look at the pictures, adding a touch of realism to the encounter. “I think I saw a man a few nights ago, didn’t look like he belonged here…”

“Can you describe him?” Cas asked slowly. “Anything would help; it doesn’t matter how insignificant you think it was.”

After regarding Cas for a moment, Mick folded his arms over his chest. “Castiel, you’ve been perfectly fine this whole time. Not sure where you’re getting the idea you’re crap at this.”

Cas shuddered slightly. He liked that Mick was calling him by his full name. “I can be very direct and impatient at times. I’m used to just asking and getting an answer…” He crinkled his forehead. “I suppose over thousands of years, I only had experience with interrogating demons. It’s a different approach with humans.”

“I can understand that. Here’s a trick, don’t think of it as interrogating. Think of it like asking your friend a question. If I were Dean and you needed to ask him questions about a case, how would you do it?”

“I would ask Sam,” Cas answered without thinking.

Mick laughed. “Alright, if I were Sam then?”

Cas looked at the ground, shuffling his feet. “I think I’m better with strangers now that I think about it. My friends know me. I don’t need to act differently around them, so I can be as direct as I like.”

“I guess my tricks won’t help then. Anyway, I think you’re ready. I’ll head left, you go right; sound good?”

Cas grabbed Mick’s arm and squeezed it. “Thank you. Practicing was a big help.”

Mick clapped him on the shoulder and gave him a wink before heading off in the other direction to start his interviews.

Cas felt a lot better now, the nervousness from earlier was gone, and he was looking forward to talking to these people now. 

It was strange how easy it was. The people opened up to him, telling him a lot of useful information. He wondered if it was because he had a smile playing around his lips the whole time.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

One of the homeless people remembered a van that had been parked near there sometime during the night, and he connected the car to the stranger who had talked to the missing people. Mick used his laptop to get the address of an abandoned warehouse, and they agreed to check it out. 

It was an hour's drive from their motel, and the sun was still up when they arrived. The warehouse had a few windows that were obscured with black paint. Cas used his grace to create a temporary gap where they could look into the hall. There were several dirty cots spread out, many of them with unconscious people draped over them. They all had, what appeared to be, morphine drips attached, probably so they wouldn't wake up. "I think we found them."

Mick nodded and whispered, “I think you might be right.”

“I don’t see the Grigori, but we should be careful when we go in,” Cas whispered back.

Mick carefully reached for the door, gently opening it. As he started to move forward into the room, he held Cas back with a hand at his sternum, clearly checking the corners before stepping through. He waved for Cas to follow, and they approached the humans. Mick knelt down by the first cot and gently shook the young woman on it. 

It took some time before she visibly startled, eyes wide and terrified. He hushed her with expertise, “Don’t worry, darlin’. We’re here to help, alright?”

The woman screamed, and it was too late for Cas to register that she had seen something behind him. He was lucky he had stepped forward the same moment the Grigori attacked. Instead of instantly killing him, the angel sword cut deep into the Grigori’s back, which caused him to stumble forward before he fell to his knees with a pained groan. Cas’s angel blade was in his hand by the time he turned around, just in time to parry the next attack. 

The Grigori jumped back and hissed in Enochian,  _ "Traitor. I will kill all of you." _

Cas used the momentum of getting up to fling himself against the other angel, but the Grigori was fast. He blocked his attack and punched Cas in the face, the painful reverberation of knuckles against cheekbone causing his vision to blur for a moment. Cas stumbled backwards, right against a wall. As he shook his head to clear it, he felt the blood drip from his eyebrow and down his cheek. 

Mick used that moment to attack the Grigori from behind, injuring him in the shoulder with the angel blade Cas had given him. The Grigori screamed and wielded his sword backwards, striking Mick to the ground. 

Cas pushed him away from Mick just as the other angel was about to make his final blow. He used his angel blade to cut at the angel’s sword hand. He had an advantage with the longer weapon, and Cas needed to cancel that out, otherwise they wouldn’t stand a chance.

The other angel swiftly switched the blade to his other hand and lunged for Cas again. This time Cas was prepared, and effortlessly sidestepped the attack, kicking the other angel against his knee. He could hear the shattering of a patella from the force of the kick, and the Grigori stumbled back with a hiss. 

That was when Cas made the mistake of checking to see if Mick was okay, watching him try to get up again. It was just a second, but it was long enough for the other angel to swing his sword at Cas’s arm.

Cas nearly dropped his own blade from the pain, quickly switching it to his other hand, making a counter attack. The Grigori grabbed him and threw them on the ground, obviously having trouble staying upright with a broken knee. He tried to hold Cas down, but had dropped his sword when they both hit the floor. 

The Grigori had an iron grip around Cas’s wrist, making it impossible to lift his arm and attack with his blade, but Cas tried to use his free hand to reach for the sword, while he was struggling to keep the other angel from reaching out for it too. Mick finally grabbed it, and before the Grigori could react, stabbed him in the back. The angel let go of Cas’s arm and he used that opportunity to ram his blade into the Grigori’s chest.

The Grigori screamed as bright light emanated from him and lit up the warehouse before the empty vessel dropped lifeless to the floor. Cas groaned when the pain of his injuries hit him. He looked over at Mick, seeing that his new friend had been beaten up pretty badly. When Mick knelt beside him, Cas reached out to lay two fingers on his forehead, and healed his wounds.

Cas slumped forward and Mick wrapped his arms around him. “Castiel, are you alright?”

Cas slowly shook his head. “I can’t heal my wounds. They are from an angelic weapon.”

Mick nodded his understanding and drew back to frame his face in his hands. “I’m going to check on these people. Call for an ambulance, and we’ll get going, okay? I have a few things that might be able to help…”

Cas nodded weakly as he leaned back and watched Mick help the victims of the Grigori. His eyelids felt heavy, and he told himself that he was just closing them for a moment to rest his eyes. He startled when Mick touched his shoulder and said his name.

“Do you think you can stand?”

Cas nodded, although he wasn’t sure. He was grateful that Mick was holding his arm and he could lean against him as they made their way back to the car.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Back at the motel, Mick asked him to take off his coat and shirt. He left Cas to do that while he went through the large duffel bag he had. When he returned, he was holding a small wooden bowl and various ingredients.

Mick gave him a gentle smile as he moved to sit next to Cas. “How’re you feeling?”

“I’ve been better. What do you have there?” Cas asked, nodding at the bowl.

“There’s a salve for the pain, and a potion that can speed up your grace’s healing process. I’ve got to make it, but it shouldn’t take long…” he offered as he moved to set the ingredients and bowl on the nightstand. Mick was hand crushing, what looked like, nightshade into it.

“You know a lot about angels,” Cas stated more than questioned. He wasn’t a medic, so his knowledge about healing was limited to just tending to humans, or healing minor injuries to his own vessel when they were caused by common weapons.

_ “More than you think…”  _ Mick replied in Enochian, his eyebrow arched in amusement at the look on Cas’s face. Cas couldn’t believe Mick could speak his language. Hearing him say those words made his heart beat faster as he gave Mick an open smile.

_ “I’m impressed,”  _ he answered in Enochian, just because he could. It felt good to use his own language again. 

Mick suddenly grabbed his chin softly and looked at the cut on Cas’s eyebrow. He didn't say anything, just scrutinized his face, appearing to check for specific injuries. When he drew back, the way his fingers slightly caressed his jaw before they were gone, it caused a shiver to course through Cas.

Back now turned to Cas as he proceeded to finish making the salve, Cas regarded the man in front of him with a curious head tilt.

He was intrigued and surprised by how their relationship had changed from strangers to something… he didn’t know if he could really name it, but he wished he could call Mick a friend. Cas liked him. The rough features and green-blue eyes that shone with amusement and mischief, the openness and readiness to learn and to listen. It wasn’t on purpose that he kept comparing Mick with Dean, noticing how the two of them were nothing alike. Why didn’t he compare Mick with Sam? An inner voice was giving him an answer to that, but he didn’t want to listen. The implication was frightening, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to accept that he might… be starting to have feelings for Mick.

Cas looked away from Mick, feeling heat accumulating in his face with the thought. He shouldn’t think about something like that. Mick was nice to him, and Cas was aware that he was starving for some kind of affection. For someone who would let him get close and wouldn’t push him away.

Mick returned to stand in front of Cas, holding a bowl and a clean rag in one hand, and a glass of something in the other. He smiled and offered the glass to Cas. “You can feel free to tell me to fuck off, but I think this will help. It’s supposed to encase your grace for twenty four hours, to repair it and build its strength so you can heal yourself. The salve is an old recipe to ease the pain and prevent infection. But if you drink this, you’ll have human needs for twenty four hours, you won’t be able to use your powers…”

“Would this also heal my wings?” Cas asked, unable to contain the surprise in his tone, but trying to keep it from being hopeful.

“It might. Last time this was used, it was on an angel with intact wings, so I can’t say for sure.”

“Thank you,” he sounded a bit breathless, shaking his head with the hope that he couldn’t quell. He took the glass from Mick and drank it in one go.

Mick chuckled. “You’ll start to feel the effects within the next ten minutes or so. Would you like help with the salve?”

Cas nodded and gave him a shy smile. “Yes, thank you.”

He received a smile in response as Mick dipped the rag into the bowl. “Let’s start with the wounds on your back; lay down on your front,” he instructed gently. As Cas moved to his stomach, head near the foot of the bed, it dipped slightly as Mick pressed a knee on the mattress. “This might be a bit cold,” he warned.

Cas buried his face in the crook of his elbow when Mick started to tenderly wash the blood from his back. He gasped when Mick tended to his wound. It hurt, although the other man’s hands were very careful. When Mick’s other hand slipped between his shoulder blades, a spike of arousal coursed through his body. He hoped Mick would interpret his second gasp as one of pain, as he buried his face deeper in his arm.

“Sometimes hummin’ helps…” he offered, tone gentle and concerned.

“It’s okay. I've had worse injuries.” His voice sounded muffled from within his elbow. Mick rubbed his thumb over the sensitive spot between his shoulder blades, and his whole body started to shiver.

He chuckled. “Just hum something; I promise it’ll distract you.”

Cas hesitated for a moment before he started humming the melody of ‘Believe It or Not’. It did distract from the pain, it did not distract from the nice tingly feeling he got from Mick’s hand between his shoulder blades. 

“Alright, now sit up again and face me.”

Cas bit his lower lip, hoping his face wasn’t showing any signs of arousal when he slowly sat up again. It was mildly embarrassing; even  _ he _ knew that this was not the right time, and highly inappropriate.

Mick was in his space, a kind smile on his face. “You can keep hummin’; your voice is nice. Don’t know the song, but it sounds nice.” While he had a smile on his face, no part of his tone or expression was coming off as mocking. Mick meant what he said.

It was the first time someone had complimented him on his voice, which was strange because he knew he couldn’t carry a tune. “It’s a song from one of Dean’s tapes that he likes to pretend he doesn’t own. He only plays that tape when Sam isn’t driving with him. I like the song.”

Mick had finished putting the salve on his chest and torso wounds, and Cas was not prepared for him to step closer, essentially between his legs. He gently gripped Cas’s chin and turned his head to the left while carefully bringing the rag to his eyebrow. “Does this Dean prat have  _ any  _ good qualities?”

For a moment Cas was shocked at himself. Had he really only been saying bad things about Dean since he met Mick? That that was the impression Cas had given? “Actually, he has a lot of good qualities. I didn’t want to make him sound like a bad person. He  _ is _ my best friend… but I think… We’re fighting at the moment, and I let myself get carried away by that.”

Mick was methodical and gentle as he touched the rag to the different nicks and cuts on his face. “Why’re you fighting?”

Cas half shrugged, hoping his body language conveyed he did not really want to talk about it. “It’s a long story.”

Their eyes locked as Mick drew back to assess Cas’s injuries. Grabbing the ingredients and the bowl, he started moving toward the sink. “I’ve got time.”

Cas raked his fingers through his hair and sighed deeply. “Sam and Dean have saved the world numerous times, but they also have a tendency of sacrificing their lives for it. Dean taught me that if you have something worth fighting, and worth dying for, then it’s the right thing to do. I still believe that.”

His chest physically hurt when he thought of everything that had happened over the last few weeks. “They made a stupid deal with a reaper to get out of that prison. A blood pact, and I broke it. I couldn’t let one of them die.”

Mick moved to sit next to Cas on the bed, nodding his understanding. “Now you’re in a fight ‘cos he’s scared.”

Cas folded his hands in his lap. “Yes. The reaper said what I did will have consequences. But frankly, I don’t care if it has any consequences for me. I would do it again. It was the right thing to do.”

“You know what’s funny? You’d think if there were gonna be an impending expiration of time with your best friend, you wouldn’t waste it bein’ angry with each other.”

They actually never really spent much time together, there was always a mission, or something to do that kept them apart. And over the past few years Cas had avoided staying in the bunker, so every excuse had been a good one. He didn’t feel like he belonged there. It was just easier to stay away. He realized he hadn’t answered Mick’s question for a long time, but the other man wasn’t impatient with him. Another thing that was different from Dean.

He shrugged. “It was always like that. It’s not the first time I’ve been in this situation.”

“Can I level with you?” Mick asked in a serious tone.

Cas nodded, feeling incredibly sad when he thought of all the times he had felt alone.

“Alright, the way I see things, what you did was stupid. Now before you argue, let me explain myself…” Mick lifted his right leg up on the bed as he turned to face Cas full on, “It was stupid, but I know why you did it. But you’re angry with him for making a sacrificial move, and now you’ve done the same thing. Whatever the reasons, don’t matter. It’s done, nothing can undo it, and once you can let go of your anger, I think he will too.”

Cas sighed deeply. He knew Mick was right, but it wasn’t so easy. “I’m not sure how I can let go of the anger.”

Mick’s gaze was piercing, so much so, Cas found he needed to turn away for a moment to get his bearings. When Mick gave him a knowing smile, his following question was even more confusing. “How long?”

“How long what?” he asked slowly.

“How long have you been in love with him?” 

Cas stared at Mick in disbelief. How could he possibly know that? Was he that obvious? For a moment he paled. He wondered if Dean knew. Cas bit down hard on his lip, looking away. He felt tense, like everything in his body was aching. He scoffed as he slowly shook his head. “You know there are angels who chose to fall for this. For feeling love. I would give everything to stop feeling it.”

Mick placed his hand on Cas's knee in comfort. “Why? Why would you want to stop feeling like that? Let me tell you, knowing you're capable of loving someone, that's more miraculous than any of your other parlor tricks. Even if that love isn't reciprocated, your ability to feel it is something you should be in awe of, not afraid of.”

He didn’t mean to yell, but the frustration and hurt that had built up to this point was just too much. “I want it to stop because it feels like it’s tearing me apart. It hurts, and it's only gotten worse over the last few years.”

Mick didn't yell back, he didn't get defensive; he just asked, “Why?”

“What do you mean  _ why _ ?” Cas asked, quiet now, feeling resigned.

“Why does it cause you pain?” Again, he wasn’t angry. Just calm, quiet, sympathetic.

Cas’s shoulders slumped and he slowly shook his head. “Nothing will ever come of it. In the past I’ve made the mistake of letting myself hope, and that hope always got crushed. I lost myself along the way. I started to make decisions… bad decisions, that I wouldn’t have if I didn’t feel this way. More than once I’ve thought I would do less harm if I just died, instead of risking the world to save Dean. It’s not what you would call a ‘healthy relationship’.”

He wasn’t expecting Mick to give him a soft smile - out of all of the possible reactions, that would have been at the bottom of the list. “Whether you want to see it or not, Castiel, that type of love is miraculous. I don’t have the words to tell you it’ll all be alright, ‘cos I don’t know that. What I can tell you is your greatest burden is also your greatest strength.”

“At the moment, it just feels like my greatest weakness, and I want to move on.” Cas sighed.

Mick squeezed his knee in comfort. “Can I ask you somethin’ you might not want to be asked?”

“You can ask me anything, Mick.”

“Is – is there a chance that your feelings would ever be reciprocated?” Mick had the ability to ask really awkward and hard questions without sounding anything but sympathetic and kind. 

Cas covered Mick’s hand on his knee with his. He needed something to hold onto, otherwise he didn't know how he would get the words out. They held so much finality. “No. I’m like a brother to him, and he’s only interested in women.”

Mick smiled. “There you go. Now you can start the process of moving on.”

Cas couldn’t help but smile at Mick. He felt strange, like something had shifted inside of him and a weight had vanished from his chest. He wrinkled his forehead, looking down at the floor for a moment. “Thank you… for listening.”

“It’s what friends are for, right?” 

“Yes.” Cas nodded, incredibly happy that Mick considered him a friend. For a moment he just stared at Mick, still feeling a mixture of awe and gratitude for the man in front of him. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had a reason to smile like this.

He cleared his throat, hoping he hadn’t made anything awkward with his staring, before his gaze dropped to his shirt. It was completely ruined, and his grace was too weak to repair his clothes. “You wouldn't have a spare shirt for me, by any chance? I fear I'm too weak to repair my clothes before tomorrow.”

Mick moved back to where his duffel bag was, rifling through it before presenting a simple white cotton t-shirt. “This is a little big on me, so it should fit you fine,” he offered as he tossed the t-shirt to Cas. “You feeling alright? The potion kicked in yet?”

“I feel tired and the pain has lessened significantly,” Cas responded thoughtfully before he carefully slipped into the t-shirt. It smelled like lavender and books. He liked it.

“Why don’t you kip for a bit? Might help…” Mick offered as he pulled what appeared to be a typewriter from the large black case he’d brought in. He placed it on the table and moved to sit in front of it.

“What about you? Aren’t you tired?” Cas asked; it was bizarre how only now he had become aware that there was only one bed.

“I’m alright. I’ve got to write up what happened today. You rest; you need it more than I do.”

“I don't mind sharing if you get tired.” He wondered if that was a socially acceptable offer in a new-found friendship. If it wasn't, he was sure Mick would just tell him.

Mick smiled. “Cheers. I’ll try not to disturb you.”

Cas nodded and crawled into the bed. He turned to lie on his uninjured side. Just because it didn’t hurt anymore, didn't mean it was wise to put weight on the area. He wondered if he could really fall asleep, as he listened to the soothing clicking of Mick’s typewriter. 

He must have fallen asleep, because he woke up again when the mattress shifted next to him. He blinked up at Mick, who looked tired.

“Shit, sorry I woke ya’,” he whispered.

“It’s okay, Mick.” Cas’s voice sounded strange in his own ears; rough, and deeper than usual. “Are you okay?”

Mick chuckled. “I’m fine, Castiel. Go back to sleep.” 

Cas gave Mick a broad smile before he buried his face in the soft pillow. “I like how you say my name,” he slurred as he drifted asleep again.

The last thing he heard before darkness took him over was, “I like how you say my name, too.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The sound of a car horn honking was what woke Mick up. He’d been peacefully sleeping, a dreamless sleep, but he hadn’t dreamt of anything since… Shaking his head internally at himself, now was not the time to dredge up such memories. Moving to sit up against the headboard, he scrubbed his hand over his face, trying to wake up.

When his vision came into focus, he noticed Castiel, still asleep. Softly snoring. Mick smiled down at the peaceful looking angel. The urge to reach out and push the hair from Castiel’s face was a little overwhelming. He managed to refrain. 

Bending his knees up, he rested his arms against them before letting out a soft sigh and leaning his chin on his arms, eyes still focused on Castiel. This was quite unfortunate. It was one thing to develop an inappropriate attraction to a hunter, but an American hunter who also happened to be an angel? An angel who was presently in love with one of the bloody Winchesters?

Mick chuckled to himself. What a terrible situation he had put himself in. And it was only getting worse. The more time he spent with the angel, the more the attraction was changing into something akin to feelings. And that was far worse. He’d learned that the hard way. There was a good reason why you shouldn’t get involved with a hunter. They had short shelf lives, and electively going after one was one of the more masochistic choices you could make.

There was something about Castiel. Mick had only met a few angels in his lifetime, but none like Castiel. None of them seemed to have the capacity to love, and that in and of itself made this particular angel quite special. 

Blaming his lack of resolve on a lack of sleep, Mick couldn’t stop himself as he reached out to gently push the hair back from Castiel’s forehead. The worry lines softened in sleep, making him appear much younger. Hell, much happier. He smiled, and was grateful he had the sense to draw his hand back, as opposed to the way it itched to card through the angel’s hair.

Mick shook his head and sighed out a soft, “You’re gonna be bad for business…”

He was suddenly confronted with wide blue eyes and a tired sounding, “Hm?”

“Just mumblin’ to meself. Did I wake you?” The slight confusion in those damn baby blues was going to be the death of him.

“I don’t know what woke me up,” Castiel answered slowly.

Mick smiled down at Castiel, finding it remarkably difficult to not reach out to him, like some love starved creature. Shaking himself of his highly inappropriate feelings, he pushed off the blanket and moved to get up. “Would you like a coffee?” He needed to find something to do with his hands.

“Yes, please,” Castiel’s voice was still rough with sleep as he rubbed his hand over his face. “You saved a lot of people, even though your bosses thought this wasn’t a case. I hope they are happy that you insisted on it.” 

Now  _ that  _ was interesting. Mick could tell the angel had low self-worth from the moment they’d met, but to make the assumption, and to see it as reality; were two very different things. Turning the pot on, he moved to lean against the counter as he looked at the angel. “You saved those people, too. You do realize that, don’t you?”

Castiel looked down at the bed with a thoughtful expression. For a long moment he didn’t say anything, Mick almost thought he wouldn’t answer his question, before he looked up again with a blank expression. “For millions of years I just followed orders. I’m a soldier, and I’m still used to being just a tool for someone else.” He stood up from the bed and walked over to Mick. “Being on my own, making decisions, having selfish thoughts… those are human things I’m still not used to.”

“Alright.” Mick took a deep breath and gently grasped Castiel by the wrists, pulling them up between their chests as he continued, “I want you to listen to me, very carefully. None of those people would be alive right now if it weren’t for you. You figured out what the creature was. You spoke to the bloke who saw something off. You got the bloody sword out of its hands. Castiel, you saved those people, much more than I did. You’re every bit the hero as your friends.”

Castiel sighed deeply and looked down to where Mick held his wrists. “One case doesn’t undo all the lives that I ended.”

Mick released his grasp on Castiel’s wrists, then used his forefinger to tilt the angel’s chin up, forcing him to look him in the eye. “You understand why we have information on you as well as the Winchesters, right? Why Lady Bevell was prepared to get rid of you? Because you’ve been with them every step of the way, so, now… Are you telling me you’ve had absolutely no hand in any of the bids to save the world? Ever? Now answer carefully, Castiel, ‘cos I’m sure you’re aware I do know what you’ve done.”

“I helped,” Castiel answered slowly, “But if you know everything about me then you also know that I’m responsible for the angels falling; I’m responsible for letting Lucifer out of his cage; I’m responsible for the Leviathans–” 

“Let me stop you right there…” Mick held his hand up in a surrendering gesture and pointedly looked Castiel in the eyes. “I do know all of that. And I think you’re just as much a hero as the rest of them. So, what does that tell you?”

Castiel tilted his head. “That you and I have a very different definition of the word ‘hero’.”

Damnit, the level of self-esteem in this creature was completely fucked. Mick shook his head and chose a different tactic. “Dean Winchester broke the first seal, which started the process of the Apocalypse. If he’d never broken that seal, stepped down from his pyre, you wouldn’t even be here talking to me about any of this. Sam Winchester broke the last seal, which initially freed Lucifer. Tell me, Castiel, are they not heroes?”

Castiel’s jaw was tense and his eyes got darker for a moment. “They didn’t know. They always tried to do their best, and it wasn’t Dean’s fault that he broke the first seal after thirty years of torture. He didn’t know this would happen. Otherwise, he would have held out for eternity.”

“Did you know about the Leviathans? Did you know what Metatron was planning and willingly give up your grace? Did you know that, inevitably, Lucifer would not successfully defeat The Darkness?”

“I knew there were risks opening the portal to Purgatory, but I was so full of myself, thinking I could defeat Raphael like that without paying the price. I also helped get The Darkness released, because I couldn’t stand the thought of losing Dean. I didn’t care what would happen to the world. A world I should protect. It’s been about saving Dean for me for a long time now.” The last sentence he said quietly, as if he was repeating someone else’s words.

Blimey, his attraction was really inappropriate. Castiel was so enraptured by Dean Winchester, he’d lost all sight of himself and what value he had. Mick sighed, head shaking slightly in utter amazement. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Maybe now you understand why I don’t want to feel this way anymore. It goes against everything I believe in, and I just know that I will keep making those decisions if I don’t change.”

“No, Castiel. I wasn’t talking about that. I was talking about you. You have absolutely no love for yourself, whatsoever, do you?” He regarded the creature before him, disappointed immensely in himself for not seeing it sooner. And why did it matter so much to him anyway? Mick knew why, he was just staunchly refusing to acknowledge it.

Castiel bit his lip and looked away. “That’s a very accurate assumption.”

“Alright, then. If you refuse to see yourself as a bloody hero, then I’ll just refuse to see the Winchesters as ones either.” Mick was teasing, but he had also said it to see if maybe, finally something would get through to the damn angel.

Castiel gave him a soft smile. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I fear it’s nothing a few words can fix. But I can tell you what would help me.”

Mick shrugged in acquiescence. “Fair enough. So, what can I do then?”

“Help me find someone I lost. And maybe we can also solve a few cases on the way. I have a lot to make up for.” 

Mick smirked at him. He kind of liked the fact that Castiel enjoyed his company enough to want to work on other cases. Shaking his head apologetically, he hated answering, “I’m not a hunter, Castiel. I’m just a… what do you Americans call it? Desk jockey? This was a one off. I’ll help use our connections to find your lass, but I think you’re forgetting, I’m probably more liability than help, honestly…”

“You were the one helping me talk to people and find that warehouse. I’m not experienced enough to solve cases on my own. I thought we made a really good team; you cancel out everything I’m lacking.” Mick could hear a mixture of desperation and disappointment in Castiel’s voice. 

“Alright, alright. I’ll contact the head office and get approval for a temporary deferment of my duties and come with you. But I’m gonna help you, not the other way ‘round. You’re in charge.”

Castiel gave him a wide smile that lit up the whole room. “Thank you.” He slowly shook his head. “I can’t thank you enough.”

“You can and you will,” he teased as he turned to fix them each a cup of coffee. As Mick handed Castiel his barely-counts-as-coffee milky monstrosity, he grinned at the angel over his cup. “You really are adorable.”

Castiel tried to hide his smile in his coffee mug, which made him even more adorable. He gave him a shy glance over the rim of his mug before he straightened himself and tilted his head. “You’re flirting again.”

Mick feigned a sigh. “You caught me… Now I suppose I’m in trouble?” He knew it was stupid, knew this wasn’t going to go anywhere, but he genuinely liked Castiel and enjoyed these moments with him.

“In trouble?” Castiel asked with a thoughtful look before he shook his head slowly. “No, I like when you do that.” 

“That right?” he asked with an arched eyebrow, in challenge. He hated himself a little bit for how much he hoped the angel would catch on and flirt back. Damn, he really was screwed.

“Yes.” Castiel gave him another shy smile.

One more shot. Mick moved to place the mug he’d been drinking from on the other side of the pot, leaning against Castiel as he did it. Lips hovering just above his earlobe, Mick breathed out, “Good.”

He heard Castiel take in a sharp breath before he felt a hand on his waist as Castiel turned to look at him. For a second his gaze fell down to his lips before he looked up again. Mick’s eyes zeroed in on a flash of movement, Castiel’s tongue darted out, wetting his lips. 

Castiel blinked and looked away suddenly, clearing his throat. “Thanks for the coffee.”

Mick let out a soft chuckle. “You’re welcome. Why don’t we pack up and head out?”

Castiel nodded, a soft smile playing around his lips. “We need to go to the bunker. There are a few spell books I need. I'll tell you why I need to find Kelly on the way there.” He paused for a moment. “Dean and Sam probably won’t be very friendly towards you. I apologize in advance.”

Mick shrugged. “Par for the course, am I right?”

“We won’t have to stay long,” Castiel said softly before he turned around and gathered his clothes. He inspected his bloody shirt and ripped trench coat with a deep sigh and folded them over his arm.

After grabbing all of Mick’s things and checking out, when they reached the car, Mick offered, “Would you like to drive? If you'd prefer, I can, but you seemed genuinely pleased to drive.”

Cas smiled. “I would love to. I like driving very much.”

Mick handed him the keys and, thankfully, because he was used to going to the other side of the car to drive, went to the correct side for the first time since he'd arrived in this country. He chuckled to himself as he put his safety belt on.

“What’s so funny?” Cas asked when he sat down in the driver’s seat, turning around to put his clothes on the backseat.

Mick smiled. “I was chuffed I chose the right side of the car, no matter how accidental.”

“Humans are creatures of habit.” Castiel gave him a warm smile and put on his seat belt before he started the car. “I like this car. It’s very comfortable. It doesn’t make any weird noises like the truck I recently acquired.”

“Hate to admit it, but I like Hybrids.”

Cas tilted his head. “I’m afraid I don’t know much about cars, except how to drive them.”

Mick chuckled. “Don't need to worry about driving back home anymore. I either take the underground or a car is sent. And when I learned, it was on the other side of the road.”

“When did you learn how to drive?”

_ Ah. _ He thought back on his misspent youth fondly. Mick grinned. “I was twelve.”

Castiel looked at him for a moment in surprise before he turned back to the road, “That’s very young. I got the impression you had to be older to drive a car.”

“Seventeen is the standard,” he murmured as he grabbed a new CD from the glove box. Mick smiled again. “I grew up on the East End. We used to boost cars to nick their parts.”

Castiel glanced at the CD Mick put in the player, and gave him another smile. “What drew you into classical music?”

The sound of an orchestra filled the car, Anna and Elina singing his favourite duet about falling in love at first sight. 

“Am I too rough to like something so soft?” Mick teased.

Castiel chuckled lowly. “Not at all. I just didn’t expect it.”

“Actually, I picked it up from me mum. Before she fucked off, I remember sitting in the kitchen, watching her sing along to ‘La traviata’. Her records were all I had left of her.”

“And her love for the music,” Castiel added with a quick glance over to him.

As he recollected his mother, a wave of fondness washed over him. He'd never blamed her for escaping his father, and over the years he'd learned to forgive her for leaving him behind. “Music is seeing God’s work at its finest. I mean, how can anyone listen to this and not believe?”

“Humans are certainly his best creation. Although I don't need music to see that." Castiel smiled and gave him a meaningful look.

Mick was taken aback; he arched his brow at the angel. “Good on ya’.”

Castiel looked confused. “What do you mean?”

“I'm impressed you flirted with me.” Mick was nothing if not upfront. 

“I’m surprised myself, to be honest.” Castiel glanced at Mick for a moment. “Was it… okay?”

“If you have to ask, you haven't been paying attention…” When Castiel looked at him again, he winked. He could have been mistaken, but it looked like Castiel blushed for a moment.

The angel smiled for a moment, tilting his head when the music slowly subsided.  _ “Sous le dôme épais oú le blanc jasmin. À la rose s’assemble, sur la rive en fleurs, riant au matin viens, descendons ensemble _ . It’s the moment Lakmé meets the british soldier, the one she falls in love with.”

Mick was a little surprised, not that Castiel spoke French or knew the lyrics. No, he was surprised by the implication. “Shouldn't say things you don't mean…” While he was taking the mickey, there was a part of him that was actually imploring the angel to not insinuate such a thing. Whether for his own sake, or Castiel’s, Mick wasn't sure.

Castiel shook his head slightly. “I’m just saying, that it’s strange how much of myself I find in this story.”

And in that moment, it dawned on Mick that, even if on some level developing feelings for an American hunter and an angel was within the realms of remotely a good idea; developing feelings for someone who was clearly in love with another person, was the opposite of a good idea. “Well, hopefully whatever happens, you don’t go by the way of Lakmé…”

“I think I already did, though, when I killed that reaper,” Castiel replied quietly after a moment.

Mick shrugged. “If it’s any consolation, your Gérald is just as stupid as the real one.”

That actually made Castiel laugh, before he held the back of his hand against his mouth to stifle it. It was a lovely sound.

“You should laugh more.”

Castiel looked over for a moment, his bright smile still in place. A smile that reached his eyes. “I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun. It must have been years.” 

“Happy to be of service.” Mick returned the smile. Castiel should smile more, too. It softened his features. Mick wasn’t going to tell him that.

For a long while Castiel didn’t say anything; he seemed to be deep in thought. They were already at the border to Kansas when he spoke again, “Mick? Can I ask you something?”

“‘Course.”

“When did you plan to go back home again?” Castiel had tried to sound neutral, but Mick could hear a hint of sadness.

“Well, that all depends on you lot, don’t it? If we create a successful partnership with the American hunters, we’d establish a base here. And if that happens, I’ll be a permanent fixture. If not… Dunno really. Within a few months…” he answered honestly.

Castiel sighed deeply. “I see.”

Mick elbowed Castiel. “Why? You gonna miss me or something?”

The angel still had his eyes on the road, but Mick could see a hint of a smile, before he responded, “Yes, I would.”

“Well, London’s not that far if you wanted a visit…” Mick wasn’t just paying lip service. He meant it. He wouldn’t mind if Castiel wanted to come visit him if he went home.

Castiel rubbed at his shoulder. “If that potion you gave me heals my wings… I might drop in more often than you’d like.”

“Not possible,” he challenged.

“You say that now.” Castiel chuckled lowly again.

They were delving into flirting territory again. Mick liked it. “Barring you popping in while I’m in the shower, there’s naught you could do to make me not want you to come 'round.”

“I can’t make any promises. It could happen.” Castiel grinned. “What would you do to me if I accidentally dropped by when you’re in the shower?” 

To say Mick was impressed would be the understatement of the century. If the angel was willing to play the game, he was more than ready to kick it up a notch. “Well, I suppose that depends on what you caught me doing…” Mick arched his eyebrow at the innuendo.

Castiel hummed, with a grin playing around his lips. “Okay, what if you were just showering?”

Mick shrugged. “I’d ask you to get my back for me.”

Castiel seemed to contemplate that for a moment before he grinned again. “What if you weren’t just showering.” 

“Well, I’d ask if you liked what you saw.” He couldn’t help the smirk on his face; he hadn’t had this much fun flirting with someone in yonks.

Though Castiel didn’t look over, kept his eyes on the road, he could see the angel was smiling widely. “In my defense, I wouldn’t drop into the shower on purpose. I never know until it’s too late exactly where someone is.” He paused for a moment. “I wouldn’t regret it, though.”

“Is that a roundabout way of saying you would’ve liked what you saw?” He really should learn to stop his mouth from running away. 

“Or maybe that I wouldn’t mind helping you with your back,” Castiel responded with a grin before he winked at Mick. 

Mick let out a surprised laugh, feeling damn impressed again. Castiel was surprising, to say the least. “Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep.”

“I always keep my promises.”

As much fun as he was having, an alarm went off inside his head, reminding him that the creature next to him was presently stupid over the oldest Winchester. For Castiel, this was probably a bit of fun, but for Mick? It was starting to turn into something more, and he needed to shut that down before it was too late. And no matter how ready the angel was to move on, Mick knew all too well what starting something with someone who was in love with someone else was like. He needed a subject change. “Did you warn the Winchesters you have a ride-along?”

Castiel shook his head before he looked over to him with a worried expression. “Do you think I should?”

“Probably couldn’t hurt. Although, it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission… It’s your call.”

Castiel sighed and seemed to be deep in thought for the next few minutes, chewing on his lower lip. After what felt like an eternity, he parked at the side of the road and fished his phone from his back pocket. He composed a quick text message and waited for a few moments, staring at his phone. 

When the phone rang, Castiel hesitated over answering it, giving Mick a pained look. “Hello, Sam.”

Castiel leaned back against his seat. “I’m fine.” He rubbed his hand over his forehead and into his hair, messing it up even more than its natural state. “We successfully solved the case with the Grigori, and now Mick is helping me. I need a few books from the library.” 

Castiel looked over at Mick with a worried expression. He wondered what the younger Winchester was saying to Castiel that made him look so worried, until he heard the angel say, “Hello, Dean.”

Castiel rolled his eyes and pursed his lips in defiance. “I won’t stay long. I’m just dropping by to get a few books.”

Mick could see that something wasn’t right. He had never seen Castiel so angry before. “Excuse me? What do you think I’m doing? Of course I’m looking for Kelly; that’s why I need the books. They are for an Enochian tracking spell.”

Cas appeared agitated as he listened to the phone. Mick could see his knuckles turning white where he gripped the steering wheel with his other hand. “Oh, I could perform it from the bunker, but I got the impression you don’t want to have Mick there.”

Cas huffed out an annoyed sounding breath as he rolled his eyes over whatever the older Winchester was telling him on the phone.

“I remember better than you, because obviously you forgot that it wasn't Mick torturing Sam.” Ah, Americans sure knew how to hold a grudge. Not that he could really blame them. 

For a moment, Castiel held his phone away from his ear and took in a deep breath. “I guess that answers your question about why I won’t stay. Since you obviously aren’t willing to give Mick the benefit of the doubt and try to get to know him.”

“You forgave me. What I did to Sam was far worse.” Castiel’s voice was quiet when he said that. He closed his eyes and held his hand in front of his eyes. “Dean, do you trust me?”

Castiel sighed in defeat. “Dean, I know Mick better than you do, and I trust him. Would you please… for me… just give him a chance?”

Castiel’s voice dropped to an icy level. “I won’t. We’ll be there in an hour.” He ended the call and put his phone back in his back pocket before he leaned his forehead against the steering wheel, taking in a deep breath and a mumbled, “I hate this.”

Mick couldn’t stop himself from reaching out, rubbing soothing circles on his upper back. “You could drop me off at my motel if that would make things easier?”

Castiel groaned quietly, and Mick could feel the tension vanishing from his back. After a few moments he shook his head slowly. “It might sound weird, but it would be easier for me to have you there. I mean, you don’t have to. If you’re uncomfortable going to the bunker, I would understand if you wouldn’t want to come.”

“I’m British; we’re used to people hating us.” Mick gave him a cheeky smile. “Besides, I’m looking forward to making Dean incredibly uncomfortable. You wouldn’t take that fun from me, would ya’?”

Castiel chuckled and shook his head slowly, looking at him in surprise and awe. “How are you doing this? Making me laugh after feeling so...” he shook his head again, “angry.”

“I suspect it’s my goofy face, a face not even me own mother could love...” he winked to indicate it was a joke. Just in case Castiel mistook it.

Cas gave him a shy smile. “I’m pretty sure that’s not it.”

“Are you saying you like my face, Castiel?” Mick asked, his tone curious and slightly teasing.

“Yes, that’s what I’m saying,” Castiel mumbled before he looked away.

Yep. The angel was definitely going to be bad for business. Mick leaned back in his own seat. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

He could feel Castiel’s eyes on him, looking at him like he was staring at the bottom of his soul. “Mick, you have been direct and honest with me so far, which I highly appreciate and like about you. I just want to make sure you’re really comfortable with this… flirting between us. I get the impression you feel conflicted about it.”

While it was quite endearing Castiel felt the need to confirm he wasn't upsetting Mick, it was bordering on a level of truth that neither of them were ready for. He managed to keep the sadness from his voice as he replied with as much honesty as he could, “Flirting is harmless and I've just got to remember that, that's all. I promise you, if I'm ever not, I'll let you know, alright?”

Castiel looked like he wanted to ask another question before he shook his head slightly, seemingly dropping it. “Okay.”

After a quiet moment the angel gave him a curious look. “What did you mean by, ‘you want to make Dean uncomfortable’?”

“Honestly, I’m sure my presence alone will aggravate him, but I figured could have a bit of fun, see what buttons I could push.” Mick smirked. 

“Are you sure that is such a good idea?” Castiel asked slowly.

He could hear the underlying request in that question, the plea to not make things any more difficult between him and Dean. And dammit all, Mick liked Castiel enough to respect that. “I’ll behave meself if you’d prefer.”

“I just want them to like you, and to see that you’re a nice person and not the enemy. You started out on the wrong foot. I hope we can change that.” 

“Why does it matter so much to you? I’m not all that bothered if the Winchesters never take a shine to me. I’d like us to be at a good point and respect each other, but I don’t need more than that.”

“Because it makes me angry when Dean says something bad about you, without even knowing you. I like you, Mick. And since my best friends don’t like you at the moment, of course I’m hoping to change that.”

That was very interesting. There was more to it, Mick could sense it. He just wasn’t sure if he should push further. Leaning forward to turn the music down, he angled himself to look at Castiel. “You can like me and stay friends with your best friends; you don’t have to choose between us. Don’t bother me none what Dean says about me.”

Castiel sighed and squinted at the road. “It would be easier for me if everyone could get along.”

And then it dawned on him why he wanted Mick to get along with the Winchesters. “I see. You’re worried that Dean would make you choose and, of course, you’d choose them. Castiel, can I be blunt?”

Castiel’s lips were pressed into a thin line, his jaw tense as he just answered with a terse nod.

Mick reached out and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay if you do. Choose them, I mean. I promise if that is a situation that ever arises, I won’t bear any ill will to you or the Winchesters. I’ll understand. Family before friends. It’s understandable and I’ll forgive you now, so you won’t have to worry about it.”

Castiel shook his head slowly. “I’m sick of having to make those decisions over and over. You have no idea how often Heaven forced me to choose. I don’t want to lose anyone anymore. Dean just has to deal with it.”

“There you go. Choose yourself. That’s a much better choice anyway.” 

“I’ve never thought about it like that.” the surprise in Castiel’s voice was evident. 

“And remember, if Dean does try to make you choose, it’s from a place of love and concern. Doesn’t mean it’s right, but don’t let anger come between you and your family.” Mick wasn’t sure why he felt so inclined to help Castiel see his value, maybe because he was one of the only people who showed them any kindness after everything that happened with Lady Bevell. Maybe it was his baby blues. Whatever the reason, he legitimately cared for the creature next to him; whether that was a good or bad thing remains to be seen.

Castiel chuckled mirthlessly. “I’ll try. He’s infuriating.” He looked over to Mick with a raised eyebrow. “Sam is very nice, though.”

“That’s ‘cos you’re not in love with Sam.”

Castiel winced and turned his gaze back to the street. “I suppose I should tell you about the case I’m working on before we get to the bunker.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to upset you. And yes, if you’d like…” Mick truly regretted upsetting the angel. He had been hoping he was at a more moved on point than anger over his emotions; clearly he’d been wrong.

“I’m not upset… I just don’t want to be reminded.” Castiel shook his head. “So the case… I don’t even know where to start.”

“Beginning’s usually the best place.”

Cas shot him a quick smile before he concentrated on the road again. “As you already know, Lucifer walked the earth recently. Before we had a chance to get him back into his cage, he created a Nephilim. I’m looking for the woman, Kelly, who is currently pregnant with Lucifer’s child.”

At that Mick froze. The head office needed to know about that immediately. The bloody antichrist was going to be walking the earth, and they needed to find this woman and dispatch the abomination as soon as possible. And then he looked over at Castiel. These American hunters had a tendency to let certain creatures live, which meant there was a good to fair chance that he’d want to try and rectify the situation with minimal morbidity. How the hell was he going to broach this? He’d realized he’d been thinking for too long at the bemused glance the angel gave him. “Sorry, I uh… wasn’t expecting your case to be connected to the bleedin’ devil.”

“Now you understand why it’s so important for us to find her. This isn’t just an ordinary Nephilim, it’s fathered by an archangel, and I can’t imagine the power it will have. I want to find a way that doesn’t involve killing the child, but if there is no other way, I’ll have to. I hope you understand.” 

Mick nodded. Thankfully, Castiel was amenable to the reality of why the child couldn't be allowed to live. He could do this; he could probably keep their search underwraps until they located this Kelly woman, and after Castiel valiantly tried to find an alternative, Mick would make the call and intervene. Hopefully avoiding anyone getting upset, particularly Castiel. Because, for some damn reason, that bloody mattered.

Like he said. Bad for business.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

When they arrived at the bunker, Castiel appeared slightly resigned as they approached the door. Mick halted his movement and decided it would be best for the angel to enter the bunker relaxed and calmer than he was now. “Why the sad boat race?” He chuckled at the bemused look his use of rhyming slang caused.

“What is it about me that humans like to confuse me?”

“I was just trying to make you laugh. Guess I failed. I promised to teach ya’ some chitty chitty, figured now was as good a time as any…” He gave him a soft smile and continued, “Boat race? Is cockney rhyming slang for face.” 

That got a smile out of Castiel, a shy one that was rather short-lived but better than nothing. “Thank you. I’m sorry; I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I can’t stop feeling… tense.”

“I’ll wait out here; that way you won’t have to worry. Alright?” Mick offered. He really hated seeing the angel so on edge.

Castiel shook his head and reached out to wrap his fingers around his arm. “It doesn’t matter if you stay here or come with me. I can’t avoid the fight with Dean. But your presence would make me feel better.”

Mick bowed his head in understanding. “Then lead the way.”

Castiel let go of him and opened the bunker door with a tense expression. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere else as they made their way down the flight of stairs. He headed straight to the library, and although Mick had never been to the American Men of Letters bunker before, he instantly knew his way around. They all must have had the same interior designer.

Dean and Sam Winchester sat at the table drinking beer when they reached the library. Castiel’s voice sounded tense. “Hello, Sam… Dean.”

Mick watched as Dean seemed to tense, body facing Castiel’s direction, eyes never once leaving Mick. It took every ounce of resolve to not pull a face at the prat, just to see what he’d do. Sam was polite as ever; Dean just narrowed his eyes. 

“Thought you just needed a couple of books,” Dean barked at Castiel, despite still having never taken his eyes off of Mick.

“Yes, exactly,” Castiel responded calmly. “It won’t take long.” He made his way to one of the bookshelves and squinted his eyes at its contents.

You could cut the bleedin’ tension with a knife. He nodded to the Winchesters and started looking around. There were a couple of cork boards covered in newspaper clippings and pictures. From what he could denote, it was what information they had on the possible whereabouts of the woman pregnant with the Nephilim. Turning to Castiel he asked, “Is this her?”

Castiel looked up at him and nodded. “Yes, that is my fruitless effort at finding her over the last few weeks. I lost her trail somewhere in Oklahoma.”

“Cas? Can I talk to you… alone?” Dean bit out, as the scratch of the chair being pushed out behind him echoed in the room.

Castiel seemed to contemplate it for a moment before he looked back at the book and shook his head. “No.” 

Mick had to stifle a laugh at the gobsmacked expression on the eldest Winchester’s face. Apparently, he wasn’t used to hearing that word. At least, not from Castiel. Sam appeared to be in the same boat as Mick, torn between concern and laughter.

“Excuse me?” Dean asked. 

Oh, well, apparently this was going to happen in front of all of them. Alright. 

Castiel sighed and turned around to glare at Dean. “I already know what you are going to say, and I have no intention of discussing this again. I told you my opinion on the phone. Deal with it.”

“What’s your deal, man? You’ve never treated me like this before. Is… Has he… Is this a Naomi situation?” Dean asked carefully.

Castiel rolled his eyes and pulled a book from the shelf. “Now I'm brainwashed because I have an opinion. Great." His voice dripped with sarcasm.

Dean and Sam both looked wary and concerned. Mick decided to take the risk. He approached Castiel, gently touching his back to get his attention, and whispered low enough for only the angel to hear, “Please calm yourself, Castiel. He hasn’t warranted the way you’re speaking with him. I know you’re angry with him and yourself, but you  _ are  _ still friends…”

Castiel closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before he looked at Dean again. “I apologize, Dean. To answer your question, no, this is not a Naomi situation.” 

“Then can you explain why you’re treating me like this?” Dean asked, his tone genuine, no trace of anger. If that was the sort of emotional highs and lows Castiel has had to deal with, no wonder he was so bloody confused.

“Remember the tone of your voice when you asked to talk to me alone? If you talk to me like that, I anticipate having a fight with you. And I’m tired of fighting with you. I feel that is all we've done the last few weeks, and I just don’t want to do it anymore.”

Dean sighed. “You don’t wanna fight anymore or…”

Mick and Sam exchanged a look, as though they weren’t sure if they should step out or not. 

Castiel tilted his head in confusion. “Yes, I don’t want to fight with you anymore.”

“That’s it, though, right?” Dean’s tone was outright demure and almost sad.

Mick had to refrain from chuckling.  _ Well done, Winchester. Well done. _

Castiel looked even more confused. “What do you mean?”

Dean crossed the room to approach Castiel, gently grasping the angel’s shoulder, giving him a beautifully soul-searching and imploring look. Mick was damn impressed. “You –you’re not done with me, right? I know we’ve been fighting a lot lately, but… I don’t know what I’d do if you and I stopped being friends.”

Castiel swallowed thickly and looked at the floor with a sad expression. His voice sounded quiet. “Of course we’re still friends. That won’t ever change, Dean.”

Mick looked away when the hunter pulled Castiel into a hug; he’d seen enough. Looking over the boards again, he pulled out his American mobile and snapped a few pictures of the board. Just in case they could use any of the information. He turned back too soon, catching the way Dean chucked the angel’s chin, bringing out a soft smile on Castiel’s face.

Wow. That was more painful than he would have anticipated. Mick was going to have to cease their partnership as soon as they found Kelly. For his own sanity. After a beat, Mick asked, “Have you found the books, Castiel?”

Castiel looked over at him, giving him a bright smile. “Almost. I just need… hmmm,” he turned around and scratched the back of his neck. “Oh, it’s in my room. I’ll be right back and then we can go.” 

The moment Castiel was out of the room, Dean was on Mick, using his substantial height difference to attempt to intimidate him. What the Winchester didn’t know was Mick grew up in the east end. Despite his current job title, he could hold his own.

“The hell are you doing with Cas?”

Mick arched his brow in amusement. “I beg your pardon?”

“Dean…” Sam warned, but the older hunter just bore down on Mick.

“What’s the endgame here? Do you guys need angel mojo for something? Do you guys want one on your payroll? What are you getting out of this playing nicey-nice with Cas?”

Mick folded his arms over his chest. “The pleasure of his company.” While he was taking the piss, he also meant it.

Dean clenched his fists at his side, nostrils flaring in anger. “Fine. Don’t tell us, but when we find out what your angle is - and trust me, we  _ will  _ find out - I’ll take extreme pleasure in ripping your teeth out of your head.”

Mick didn’t flinch, didn’t call him out, didn’t react, which appeared to annoy Dean even further. “I don’t know what to do or say to convince you that this is a mutually beneficial relationship. Castiel was kind enough to help me, now in turn, I’ve offered my assistance. Simple as that. I understand why you don’t trust me, and I don’t expect you to let go of that mistrust easy. But you should have a little more faith in your friend…”

“This isn’t about faith; Cas has a history of trusting the wrong people. And I’ll protect him at any cost, even if it has to be from himself.”

He regarded the hunter for a moment, evaluating everything he heard, everything he saw. It was about control. “Forgive me, but he doesn’t need your protection. He needs your trust.”

Suddenly, Castiel cleared his throat behind them, looking taken aback, as if he didn’t know where to look. “I have the book,” he murmured quietly.

“Uh… Cas, let me explain…” Dean trod carefully.

Castiel shook his head. “Let me guess, after all the mistakes I made with Metatron and Crowley, you think I can’t be trusted with judging people anymore. And you only want to protect me. Does that sum it up?”

Dean stammered over himself in his clear attempt to gather his thoughts, when Sam interjected, “Look, Cas, I don’t think Dean meant it like that. We just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine,” Castiel tried to sound calm but his voice trembled, “and I don’t need a babysitter.”

Dean mumbled something under his breath; Mick heard his own name, but that was all he managed to catch. The ire in Castiel’s eyes indicated that he appeared to have heard what the hunter said. 

“I can tell you, Dean. Mick treats me like an equal, not as someone who needs to be looked after. He has faith in my abilities and believes in me. Instead of treating me like an idiot when I have questions or I don't understand a reference, he actually takes his time to explain it to me. He isn’t condescending. He is a very nice and respectful person, and I like having him as a partner and friend.”

After that little tirade, the hunter had the audacity to look chagrined. But Mick was more enraptured by the creature who came to his defense so magnificently. His resolve to protect himself from the feelings that were developing for Castiel was crumbling by the minute. He really hoped in that moment they'd find Kelly sharpish.

Before Dean could say anything, Sam stopped him with a head shake and a hand on his shoulder. “Maybe you should go and take some time to cool down, okay?” He guided Castiel over to the map room and Mick just followed them, not wanting to be left alone with Dean when he looked like he was about to murder someone… Well, probably him.

Sam leaned over to Castiel. “I’ll talk to him, okay? I know he’s a dick sometimes, but....” Sam sighed, “You know him. He needs you; he’s just really bad at saying it.”

“I’m tired of this, Sam. I really want the fighting to stop, but lately it seems that is all we’re capable of.”

Sam laid his hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “Just give it some time. He’s just worried about you because of the reaper thing. I am, too… Please call us anyway when you find anything, okay? You’ll need all the help you can get on this.”

Castiel nodded. “I will. Thank you, Sam.” 

Mick pressed forward, extending his hand out to the youngest hunter. “I appreciate you allowing me into your home. And again, for what it’s worth, I  _ am  _ sorry for how you were introduced to us.”

Sam didn’t take his hand, but gave him a cold look. “I appreciate your apology. But just because I don’t share my brother’s opinion, doesn’t mean I trust you either.”

Retracting his hand with a respectful nod, Mick took a step back. “Fair enough. Your mistrust is neither unexpected nor unwarranted. And I would never ask anyone who went through the psychological and physical torture my cohort imparted on you to forgive. But, just as she made the negative assumption that American hunters are all uncouth and as dangerous as the creatures they hunt; all based on her solitary research on you and your brother... May I point out that to base your entire opinion of my brethren and my chapter on one member’s actions is no more representative of us, than you are of all of the American hunters.

“I genuinely like Castiel, and I can assure you that as long as we’re working together, he’s under the protection of our entire branch. Not that that brings you comfort, but I do hope, while you do not wish to trust me; that you trust in the fact that your friend is capable, competent, and completely able to make his own choices and decisions.”

Sam chuckled. “You can talk, I’ll give you that. Look, I’m all for second chances but trust doesn’t happen overnight. I can promise you, though, I’ll try to be open-minded. I trust Cas. I know he’ll smite you should you try anything.”

Mick turned to look at Castiel; he couldn’t help the fond smile that curved his lips. “Without even breakin’ a sweat, am I right?”

Cas returned his smile and nodded. “I’m glad you remembered.”

The younger Winchester cleared his throat, snapping Mick out of his slight daze. “Be safe, Cas. Let us know if you need anything.”

“I will. Thank you, Sam.” Castiel gave the younger Winchester a fond smile before he turned and climbed up the stairs.

Once they reached the sanctuary of not being in the same building as Dean Winchester, Mick let out a soft sigh of relief. He regarded Castiel and said, “You know what we need to do, since you’re still human?”

“Have a drink?” Castiel asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Or twelve.”

“I agree,” the angel sighed tiredly.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

They had agreed to grab a bite to eat and drink at the same place. Mick had said something about killing two birds with one stone. They found themselves just outside of Lebanon, in Cawker, Kansas. The Corner Bar And Grill. They had burgers on the menu, so Cas was happy.

As they took a seat in a booth near the back of the restaurant, the seclusion of the location providing them some welcomed privacy, Cas perused the menu.

Mick was thumbing through his own menu, eyes never straying from the plastic when he said, “Six hours left of being human. Anything you particularly want to eat, drink, do?”

“Cheeseburger. I don’t care about the drink, but I would love to taste a cheeseburger again.”

The chuckle that met his comment was enjoyable; Mick grinned at him. “Then you’ll have a cheeseburger. Anything else? Anything you could only do as a human?”

Cas thought about it for a moment, wondering if there was anything he particularly enjoyed while being practically human, but other than food, he couldn’t think of anything. He remembered the different ways certain things felt - coldness, being drenched in rain, warmth, showering… that actually had been nice. Alcohol certainly had an interesting effect, though he could have passed on the headache the next morning. Not that that would be a big problem for him. After six hours, he could just get rid of his headache with his grace. “Showering was nice; being drunk also had its appeal. But I certainly miss tasting food the most.”

Mick smiled at him, but before he could respond, their waiter approached the table. A pleasant personality and wide smile, he introduced himself as Jay and asked what they would like to drink. Mick was particularly charming with the young man. “Please tell me you have Hendricks…”

Jay appeared to be impressed by something. “We do. Where’s your accent from?”

Mick chuckled. “Same place I am.”

The younger man quirked his brow. “And is that a secret?”

“London,” Mick answered smoothly. They chatted a little bit before the waiter seemed to realize he was here for a purpose outside of flirting with Mick.

“I’m sorry. I kind of got distracted by your voice.”

Mick leaned forward and placed a hand on Jay’s forearm. “It’s quite alright. I’ll have a top shelf gin and tonic with three limes, please.” Mick finally appeared to recall Cas existed and turned to him. “What would you like?”

“I'll take a beer, whatever you have on tap.” He tried not to sound too miffed about the fact that Mick flirted with the waiter. That seemed to be a common theme with men he was interested in. 

The waiter departed with a nod to Cas and a shy smile to Mick. The British man chuckled and looked at Cas then, appearing to take note of his stiff posture. “You alright?”

“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?” Cas asked with a raised eyebrow as he looked around the bar, trying to look anywhere but Mick.

“Because you’re stiff and being short with me.”

Cas leaned back with a deep sigh. He wasn’t used to being asked about his feelings. He realized how much of a role model Dean had always been to him and how he had started to adopt certain behaviors of the hunter. Dean hated talking about feelings, but Mick seemed to be the opposite. Maybe he should try to be more open with him too? “What is it about waitresses and waiters that is so attractive?”

Mick appeared taken aback, before fixing Cas with a smirk. “Were you  _ jealous,  _ Castiel?”

Was he jealous? Wouldn’t that imply that he was attracted to Mick? He couldn’t deny that the man was very attractive, though what he liked most was the way Mick acted towards him. How considerate he was and how open. He played at the hem of the shirt Mick had loaned him, biting his lower lip as he wondered when he started feeling attraction towards Mick. “I might be,” he answered carefully.

His confession was met with a cocked eyebrow. “Interesting.”

That was a pretty vague reaction; Cas had no idea what Mick really thought about his sort-of confession. A change of topic seemed to be a safe way to escape the awkwardness. He licked over his lips and turned away. “I haven’t felt hungry for a long time. I don’t miss that feeling of being human.”

Mick’s attention had returned to his menu; without looking up he commented, “I suppose it depends on what the hunger is for.”

Mick’s comment instantly reminded Cas of the time he and Sam had been affected by Famine. He couldn’t think of anything where hunger could mean something positive. “Does it?” he asked curiously, wondering what he’d been missing.

“'Course,” Mick answered as he folded the menu closed and looked at Cas again. “When the hunger is for love, affection, sex? Then it’s a good hunger.”

"Oh..." Cas had never thought about that in this context. He tilted his head in contemplation before he quietly asked, “What if you have a hunger for that, but you can’t satisfy it?” 

Mick chuckled as he contemplated his answer. Before he could respond, Jay returned with their drinks and took their order. Mick was pleasant and friendly with the waiter, but it was pretty evident that he wasn’t flirting with the young man anymore. After Jay left them again, and Mick finished squeezing the lime wedges into his drink, he focused on Cas. “That’s a difficult question to answer. There are options, opportunities, right? You can recreate those feelings with substitutes. Love and affection you can get from a pet, from a fulfilling means of employment, family. Sex, well… I’m sure you can gather how you can substitute that.”

Cas nodded before he leaned forward, bracing his chin on his hand. “I don’t think I’m very interested in sex without feeling something for that person.”

“Understandable. Casual sex isn’t for everybody. So, in your case, your satisfaction will happen when you move on and develop feelings for someone else. Hopefully someone who reciprocates.” He grinned as he took a sip of his drink, humming in satisfaction at the taste.

Cas almost said something along the lines of he, “was working on it,” but held himself back at the last second. Instead, he distracted himself by being curious about Mick’s drink. “Is it good?”

He nodded. “Would you like to try it?”

Cas gave him a surprised smile. “Yes.” 

Mick pushed the drink over to Cas. “Me mates back home take the piss when I order it. Apparently, it’s an oily rag’s drink… uh… sorry, that means slag.”

Cas squinted his eyes at him. “Is that the same as… um… a girly drink?”

He barked out a laugh. “I guess you could say that. Slag means promiscuous woman. But they can fuck off and all; I like the way it tastes.”

“Well, I won’t judge. I never understood why certain things were attributed to a specific gender.” He carefully sipped at Mick’s drink. It tasted a little bitter, but refreshing; he could definitely see the appeal. “That’s good. I've never tasted anything other than beer and coffee.”

“Well, we’re going to fix that right now.” Mick waved over a random waitress and ordered them a couple of shots of whiskey. He smiled at Cas. “Drink the hard liquor before you finish your beer, alright?”

“Is there a specific reason you want me to drink in that order?”

Mick nodded. “If you drink beer and then drink hard liquor, you’ll be sick. Opposite order, you’re fine.”

Cas chuckled. “That sounds like a made up rule. But okay, I’ll do it.” 

“And take it easy. I’m sure as an angel your tolerance is quite good, but you’re temporarily human. If I start appearing attractive to you, you’ll need to slow down.” The man’s green eyes sparkled with the way he teased.

Cas grinned before he took the first tiny glass of whiskey. “I think I need another measuring system. I haven’t started drinking and it’s already compromised.” 

Mick quirked his brow, smile still in place. “Careful there. You’re flirting with me again…”

Cas scrunched up his nose when he drank the first shot; the liquid burned his throat, but it tasted interesting. “Am I not allowed to do that anymore?”

After tossing back two of the six shots in front of him, Mick took a moment and finally answered, “You’re allowed to do anything you please, Castiel.”

Cas slowly licked away the last drops from his lips, left over from his third glass of whiskey. He grinned widely at Mick. “Anything?” He slowly started to feel something. Somehow he felt weightless and as if his mind was shrouded in mist. He felt good.

Mick finished off his last two shots, wiping the errant liquid that dripped on his chin with the back of his hand. “Within reason.”

Finally Jay came back with their food, just a second before Cas had thought about asking for his burger. He felt really hungry now, and the smile on his face didn’t seem to be going away anymore. A deep moan escaped his lips when he bit into the burger, tasting all the ingredients that felt like a firework on his tongue. “Oh, this is so good.”

Mick chuckled. “Yeh, sounds like it.”

“Do you want a bite?” Cas asked after another deep moan.

“I do… but not of your burger.” He winked before pouring some malt vinegar on his fish and chips.

“What do you want to…” Cas looked up and suddenly realized what Mick meant by his words. “Oh.” He grinned at him. “I'll try to keep that in mind.” 

In that moment, Mick’s smile faltered slightly before reverting back to his carefree and confident expression. He took a bite of his food and groaned in annoyance. “These aren’t chips.”

Cas grimaced in empathy. “Not good?”

“Bloody terrible. I’ll never find a good fish and chip shop in this country, will I?”

“Probably not, but I'll tell you what… If my wings are healed after everything, I will take you to a restaurant of your choosing.” 

Mick’s expression was difficult to interpret, a small smile tugged at his lips, but there was something in his eyes. Something akin to sadness? He couldn’t be sure. It didn’t make any sense. “That’s… that’s very nice of you.”

“I made you sad.” Cas tilted his head. “Why?”

He shook his head. “I promise, you didn’t make me sad. If anything,  _ I  _ made me sad. Don’t worry yourself; enjoy your tea.”

Cas reached over and grabbed Mick’s hand, squeezing it and giving him a smile. “How can I make you happy?” 

Mick stroked his thumb against Cas’s finger before withdrawing his hand and tapping his wrist. “I’m a little blotto; you don’t want me to answer that.”

“Actually, I do.” Cas felt braver in that moment than he usually did. It was probably the effects of the alcohol, but at the same time he didn’t care. He finished the last crumbs of his burger with a satisfied groan before he nipped at his beer, smiling at Mick over the rim.

Mick fixed him with a serious expression. “You understand I’m attracted to you, don’t you? I’m not just flirting ‘cos it’s my nature. At least… not when it’s with you.”

Cas’s heart stumbled painfully in his chest and his stomach felt strange. For a moment he just stared at Mick, because he couldn’t believe Mick had really said that. He wondered why his voice sounded so out of breath, “I didn’t know… but I hoped you would be attracted to me.”

“Under normal circumstances, I might be okay with being a substitute, Castiel. But if I’m perfectly honest, I’m not okay being a substitute, not right now.” His tone was resigned. 

Cas shook his head and grasped Mick’s hand again. “You trust me, right? This has nothing to do with Dean. I’ve never met anyone like you… and you’re special… to me, and I would never see you as a substitute.”

Mick regarded him for a moment, then leaned forward over the table, waving at Cas to do the same, meeting him halfway. “C’mere.”

Cas leaned forward, his heartbeat was bordering on an unhealthy rate.

Before he could ask, think, breathe, Mick’s hand found its way to the back of his neck as he drew Cas in for a kiss. Their lips slotted together in almost perfect symmetry. Mick pressed a kiss to his bottom lip before drawing back, looking at Cas expectantly.

Cas felt completely dazed. His mind was empty; all he could feel was that his lips were still tingling from the contact. His hand was moving on its own when it slipped to Mick's neck to draw him into another kiss. He just needed to feel him again. He kissed his upper lip softly before he drew back, hoping that it had been okay.

Mick pulled back, Cas instantly feeling disappointment and rejection. That was until Mick slipped from his side of the booth to crawl onto Cas’s side. Pressing forward, head slightly tilted, he captured Cas’s lips in a more fierce, more demanding kiss. One of Mick’s hands twisted into his hair, gently tugging him forward, his other hand splayed against Cas’s chest.

Cas couldn't suppress a moan when he felt Mick's tongue licking inside his open mouth, the sensation of tasting him against his own tongue was simply overwhelming.

"Hey, boys. Not here, okay? Get a room!" Someone barked out behind them.

Mick rounded on that person and tilted his head in curiosity as he looked around the restaurant. Honing in on the irate patron, he moved to approach the guy. “That couple two tables away from ya’ are much further along than he and I were. Is it ‘cos we’re blokes?”

The rough looking guy rolled his eyes. “Yeah, don’t hafta shove the gay in my face, okay? I don’t have anything against you as long as you do it in private.”

Mick laughed, arms folded against his chest. “Darlin’, if I was going to shove the gay in your face, you’d bloody choke.”

“Oh, come on, I asked pretty nicely. You know there are other people who aren’t like that.”

Mick turned to address the restaurant, raising his voice. “Excuse me! Everyone in this restaurant! Until this gentleman, who had apparently been watching my friend and I for an undetermined amount of time… did any of you happen to notice us? Was anyone else watching us and, if so, were we making you uncomfortable?”

“Go ahead, sweetie!” The drunk girl who had been making out with the guy laughed.

Her comment was followed by a few cheers, whistles, and claps. Mick rounded on the guy with a smirk on his face. “If you don’t want to see me kiss that handsome man over there, then I suggest you look a different direction.”

Cas didn’t know what the annoying man did afterwards because he was too distracted by Mick’s comment and his hands on his waist. “You think I’m handsome.” He grinned. 

Mick smirked in response. “Only ‘cos I have eyes.”

Cas nudged Mick's cheek playfully with his nose before he kissed him there. His beard prickled against his lips, but he liked the sensation. "I think you're handsome, too."

“Then we’ve clearly reached your cutoff.”

Cas chuckled against Mick’s throat, leaving a few more kisses there before he pulled back and looked at him. “I’ve told you, I already thought that way before I drank the alcohol.”

“How forgetful of me…” he murmured, before pulling Cas forward into another kiss.

It felt so perfect, like nothing he had ever felt before. He didn't have much experience with kissing, but he couldn't remember it feeling this good. He wondered if that was because he was attracted to Mick. 

Mick made his heart beat faster and made him lose his breath. His whole body felt like it was tingling, and he just wanted more, to be closer. He wrapped his arms around Mick and pulled him closer, so close he could almost sit on his lap. It still wasn’t enough.

He was breathing fast when he drew back from the intense kiss. “Can we go back to your motel room?”

For the first time Mick’s voice didn't hold its usual confidence, as he let out a breathy, “Yeh, let me pay the bill.” He pressed a soft peck to Cas's lips and departed with a smile.

Cas watched him pay for their food and drinks, the smile never leaving his face. He was excited, the thought and act of being with Mick like this felt really good, and right. He wanted this. He wanted to be happy for a change, to be with someone who liked him back and was open about affection.

When Mick came back, he grabbed Cas’s hand and intertwined their fingers, giving him a shy smile before they left the bar. He clealry took note of the way Cas stumbled, and chuckled. “Alright, it looks like I’m driving us back.” Mick held his hand out expectantly for the keys.

Cas gave him the key with a raised eyebrow. “Are you sure you’re still okay to drive?”

As Mick took the keys, he leaned forward and gently captured Cas’s lips. When he drew back he murmured, “Ten…” A kiss to Cas’s cheek, “Nine.” Kiss to the chin, “Eight.” Mick trailed further down his neck, counting down between kisses until he got to one. As he drew back, Mick smirked at the sort of dazed expression on Cas’s face. “Yeh, I’m good. Now get your arse in the car.”

Mick didn’t need to tell him twice. He rounded the car and got in on the other side, but before Mick could start it, he leaned over to draw him into another kiss. Just because he could.

The kiss quickly became more heated, but when he tried to pull Mick closer the other man drew back. He grinned. “Hold that thought for maybe five minutes, alright?”

Cas nodded, a little breathless. “I'll try, but you’re not making it very easy.”

Mick laughed. “Trust me, if indecency laws weren’t a thing, we’d be having it off right now.”

“I suggest you hurry to the motel then,” Cas breathed out, trying to look anywhere but at Mick so he wouldn’t distract him from driving. 

Even with the motel just a few minutes away, it felt like it took forever to arrive. As soon as Mick had parked the car, Cas drew him into another kiss. Just a quick one, because it had been too long since he felt Mick’s lips against his.

Bracing a hand on Cas's chest, Mick withdrew, lips kiss swollen and eyes hooded. “Come on.” Nodding his head, Mick got out of the car, Cas following suit.

As they made their way to the door of Mick’s room, they kept getting waylaid by each other’s lips. Reaching the door, Mick slammed Cas against it, losing himself in their collision of lips, teeth, and tongues. Somehow, Mick managed to pull out his keycard for the room while never breaking contact.

They stumbled through the door once it opened, and Mick used his foot to close it behind him again. The motel room was disheveled, ripped apart clearly from Sam and Dean’s exploration. Cas made a mental note to let Mick know he should make sure nothing was missing, considering Dean’s habit of stealing.

Now was not the time. Disregarding the small obstacles of books and papers littering every available surface, Cas instantly crowded Mick against the door. Pressing his body against the man, and unabashedly enjoying the deep exploration of Mick’s mouth with his tongue.

Mick chuckled against his lips and softly pushed him towards the bed, while his hands pulled at the hem of Cas’s shirt. Cas stopped kissing Mick for a moment, quickly pulling it off before he helped Mick with the buttons on his shirt. Their hands met in the middle when Mick unbuttoned his shirt from the top and Cas from the bottom, and he instantly intertwined them, lifting them up to his lips, before he kissed the back of Mick’s hand.

“You’re too sexy for your own damn good,” Mick breathed out, his voice almost raspy.

Cas tilted his head slightly. “Is that a bad thing?”

Mick chuckled. “Only for my resolve…” Shrugging off his shirt, he pushed Cas onto the bed and straddled his hips before diving in for another heated kiss.

Cas pushed slightly against Mick to look at him. “But you want this, right? You won’t regret this tomorrow?” He was worried that he had coaxed Mick into it.

Leaning back a little more, Mick cupped Cas’s face in his right hand, gaze intense, smile warm. “Castiel, I’ve wanted this since the moment we met… Are you sure it’s not you who’s worried?”

His heart stumbled with Mick’s words. The open confession that he had liked him from the start was mind-blowing and he felt… happy. He never thought it could be possible, but Mick made him happy. He made him laugh, and he made him feel good about himself. He smiled softly. “I’m very sure. Being with you like this… it’s incredible. I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t sure.”

“I don’t want to kill the moment, but I have to ask. This isn’t because you can’t have what you want with Dean, is it?” The question held no animosity, no anger, no vitriol. It was merely a genuine concern, conveyed in a soft tone and gentle smile.

Cas slowly shook his head. "This isn't about Dean. When I met you... of course, at the beginning, I couldn't stop myself from comparing you to Dean. I can't change the fact that he was the first human I fell in love with. He will always have that place. But you aren't Dean. You are no substitute for him. I like you... a lot. And this is me moving on with someone I have a feeling could make me very happy. Because that's what you are already doing."

The way Mick smiled lit up his entire face; he shook his head in amazement. “You're something else, Castiel.”

“I hope that is a good thing.” Cas smiled before he pulled him into a soft kiss.

A soft kiss that slowly began to increase in intensity, a gradation of soft and gentle, to rough and needy. Mick didn’t so much kiss as he consumed, taking Cas’s breath from his lungs as their connection, their heat, started to overwhelm him with need; an unadulterated passion he had never truly felt on such a fundamental level. When Mick raked his nails down his shoulder, the gasp that escaped was muffled by a soft moan.

Cas could feel Mick’s erection against his abdomen, and the feeling was… unlike anything he’d ever experienced. It was exciting, invigorating, and in that moment, Cas finally understood why an angel would choose to fall.

Mick gently pushed Cas down against the mattress, following him, face mere centimeters away, breathing ragged. “I don’t know what you like, what you’re comfortable with; so I’d like you to set the pace.”

Cas chewed on his lower lip and sighed deeply. “I’ve never been with a man before, and my experience with sex is… let’s say I try not to think about the one and only time I’ve done it.” 

That comment was met with an arched brow, but Mick didn’t ask for elaboration. “We can go as slow, or as fast as you’d like. I prefer the uh… what do Americans call it? Being the catcher? So, there’s a little less stress on you. But if you aren’t ready for that, that’s alright.”

Cas needed a few seconds to understand Mick’s implication. He nodded slowly. “I don’t have any preferences yet, but we can do what you like and just see.”

Mick grinned. “How would ya’ like me then?”

Cas pushed himself up so he was sitting upright with Mick on his lap. He liked this, because they were the same height in this position, and he could easily kiss him and feel him close to his body. He nipped at Mick's upper lip. "Like this."

“That I can do…” he murmured as he ground against Cas, eliciting a sharp gasp of pleasure. They both seemed content to just grind against each other, pressing heated kisses to every inch of skin they could both reach. The soft groans Mick kept making were starting to drive Cas insane with want.

There were still too many clothes between them and he wanted, no he  _ needed, _ to feel Mick against him. His hands traveled down Mick's sides, then forward to the belt, quickly opening it. "These need to be off." He gasped when he felt Mick's teeth against his throat.

Mick somehow managed to shimmy his pants off without losing contact with his neck. Clad only in boxers, his hands trailed down Cas's torso to his own pants. “Your turn.”

Cas wrapped his arms around Mick and turned them around, pushing the other man into the mattress with a deep kiss, before he got rid of his pants and underwear in one go. He kissed down Mick's torso, mapping his chest and stomach with his tongue and lips. The pleasured moans falling from Mick’s mouth was music to his ears, making him smile against his hot skin as he trailed down further. He sucked at Mick’s hipbone after pushing the hem of his boxers down. Cas wanted to treat the other side with the same courtesy, but when he let his lips trail along the waistband of Mick's underwear, he was stopped by Mick's erection peeking out. He curiously licked over the head and the precum dripping from it. It tasted salty, heady, even more so when he heard Mick’s deep moan. 

He slowly pulled Mick’s boxers all the way down, throwing them off of the bed while his gaze raked over every inch of newly revealed skin. “You’re very attractive, Mick,” he breathed out, finding it hard to choose where he should kiss him first.

“And you're bloody gorgeous.” He chuckled, green eyed gaze locking onto him, as though he'd never seen anything like Cas before.

Cas let his fingers ghost over Mick’s body, feather light touches, as he tried to commit every inch of him to memory. He wrapped his arms around him and pulled him up on his lap again, losing himself in a kiss as soon as he was within reach.

He was feeling overwhelmed with desire and want; when Mick undulated his hips Cas saw stars. Mick chuckled in his ear, “Let’s see if I can make you sweat…”

“I’m still as good as human, so you have a good chance,” Cas moaned against Mick's throat as he sucked bruises into his skin. His hands slid down his sides until he reached Mick's hips, holding him so he could support Mick's rocking motion. His whole body tingled with excitement, every touch and kiss made him want Mick even more. “Mick,” he breathed out. He didn’t know what he wanted to say, so he didn’t finish the sentence. 

Mick grinned against his lips before pulling away. Cas was shaken out of his lust-filled daze by the loss of warmth. That’s when his brain was able to process the man had moved to his duffel bag, grabbing a small tube and condom. As Mick approached, he slid back onto Cas’s lap, bringing his lips irretrievably close to his own, but yet still not close enough for contact. “You’re still able to change your mind, Castiel.”

Cas slid his fingers into his hair and pulled him into a tender but deep kiss that left them both breathless. “I want you.”

The reverberations of Mick’s chuckle sent a tingle through his bloodstream. Mick gently grasped his chin and tilted his gaze upwards. “Then I’m yours.”

Cas gave Mick a quick smile before he licked into his mouth again and took the tube from Mick's hand. He knew what he needed to do. After what had happened with April, he researched everything there was to know about sex. He had never wanted to go into a situation like that again without knowing anything. He had hoped he would find something in his research, that could have warned him that her intentions hadn’t been genuine. But although he hadn’t found an answer to that particular question, at least his research had been educational about sexual intercourse.

He coated his fingers with the lube and reached between Mick’s legs, his palm grazing Mick’s erection on the way. Mick groaned into his mouth and Cas used his other hand in Mick’s hair to pull him even closer. It was a strange and new feeling, how all of his thoughts seemed to vanish from his mind and revert to his base instincts. Mick was so open with him; he let Cas touch him in this intimate way, and all Cas was feeling was how much he wanted to bury himself inside of this man. It was intoxicating, even more so when Mick threw his head back and moaned openly when Cas pushed a finger inside.

Cas couldn’t take his eyes off the beautiful way Mick was enjoying himself, his open mouth and closed eyes. Mick gasped and looked at him with a dazed expression when Cas found the spot he was looking for. 

"Right there," Mick breathed out, biting his lower lip in a very distracting way. Cas leaned over to lick over his lip, soothing it while he carefully pushed a second finger into Mick. He went straight for the bundle of nerves to make this as pleasurable for Mick as possible, but seeing how he moaned and started to rock himself on his fingers, Cas was probably worrying too much.

He added a third finger, just to be sure, moaning when Mick muffled his gasp against Cas's shoulder before he sank his teeth in the skin there. Cas couldn't hold back after that. He needed to be inside Mick, _ now. _

He removed his fingers and spread the rest of the lube over his throbbing erection. Cas wiped his hand on the sheet before he pulled Mick closer, as he reached back to grab Cas's cock and line him up.

Cas nearly blacked out with pleasure when Mick lowered himself onto him. The hot tightness around him felt maddeningly good, and a million times better than the last time he had sex. It didn't just feel good, it was overwhelming. But first and foremost, this wasn't just sex. This was much more intimate. This was about letting Mick into his life, learning everything about him, and sharing this wonderful closeness with him.

Mick wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck, pressing their foreheads together as he began to ride him. In between his ragged pants for air, Mick kept emitting these tiny and utterly sinful sounds. He managed a chuckle and moved to breathe into Cas’s ear, “Come on, Castiel. Let go.”

Cas gripped Mick's hips and turned them around on the bed so he had more leverage to thrust into him. He quickened his pace, fucking him deep and fast, already on the verge of coming. Just the thought of coming deep inside the other man was making him crazy, as though needing to satisfy some primal urge. He reached between them to wrap his hand around Mick's cock, stroking him at the same pace he was thrusting into him. Their eyes locked and he could feel his heart stumble; it was the moment he realized that this was really happening. That he could move on, and he could find someone who would take and accept him the way he was.

He caught Mick’s lips in a fervent kiss when Mick arched his body against him with a loud gasp, and Cas could feel him coming over his hand. The sudden tightness around his cock pushed Cas right over the edge with him.

Mick chuckled against his cheek as they started to come down from their simultaneous post-orgasm haze. “Bloody hell, angel.”

Cas braced himself on his elbow, carding his fingers through Mick’s hair as he smiled at the other man. He felt incredible. Tired, but at the same time like a weight had been taken from him, like he was floating. His smile widened, and he leaned over to nudge his nose against Mick’s cheek playfully, trailing a few lazy kisses from his cheek to Mick’s throat. “That was… incredible.”

“Weren’t so bad yourself.” Mick pressed a kiss to Cas’s lips before moving to lay beside him. As Cas’s softened erection slipped from him, a trail of his come following, Mick froze. “Fuck.”

“What is it?” Cas asked, unable to hide his concern.

Mick scrubbed a hand over his face. “We didn’t use a condom.”

Cas looked at the untouched condom package on the bed next to them, before he grabbed Mick’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “If you are worried about my body’s health, you don’t have to be.”

Mick shook his head. “That's not the point, Castiel. You're human at the moment, and you didn't even ask if I had anything. I don't by the way, but that's not the point. I've seen first hand the harm being stupid about protection can cause.” He sighed and cupped Cas's cheek. “I'm not angry. But it does worry me that it didn't even occur to you.”

“I apologize.” Cas sighed and looked down. “I’m not used to thinking about these things. As an angel, diseases are inconsequential for me. And I’ve never been human long enough to really learn how to care for this body in a human way.”

“I get that, and I know this will seem absurd later, but I wish you'd value yourself, and all of yourself a little better.” Mick regarded him for a moment, carding his hand through Cas's hair. “Whatever happens, promise me you'll be smarter in the future?”

Cas felt warmth in his chest with Mick's concern about him. He nodded, a fleeting smile playing around his lips when he pulled Mick closer. "I promise." He kissed Mick behind his ear before he propped his chin on his hand and lost himself in his green eyes. "But since we both know..." He let his fingers slide over Mick's chest, "that we're healthy. We won't need one next time, right?"

Mick chuckled. “You're makin’ a leap. Castiel, what do you see as far as us?” He wasn't accusatory, or angry. His tone was genuinely curious.

Cas still felt a strange sensation in his stomach, like it was dropping to the ground. He was afraid that he had misinterpreted Mick's intentions. He bit his lower lip, contemplating for a moment if he should still take the risk and open up, even if it meant getting hurt. Mick had been open with him so far, and he wanted to return that trust. His resolve to be honest sadly didn't hide the slight tremble and insecurity in his voice. "I... I want to get to know you and spend more time with you... Mick, I don't do this usually... having sex. This means a lot to me."

Mick grasped Castiel’s hand. “Look, neither of us are in the type of business to make promises, yeh? I just want to know what you'd like out of this relationship. I've got to be brash; I’m not interested in anything casual. If you just want to explore your feelings to try and get over your hunter, I can't do that for ya’. This'll have to be a one time thing. And I'm not sayin’ that as a me or him thing; I just… if what I want from this is more than you're capable of, we're better off just stayin’ friends.”

Cas slowly shook his head, trying to process everything Mick had said. He was relieved that they both were on the same page, before happiness coursed through his heart, making it stumble and beat faster. A hopeful smile mirrored the feeling in his chest, as he squeezed Mick’s hand. "I want a romantic relationship with you. I'm not interested in anything casual, and please trust me when I tell you this... this is not about Dean."

He slid closer and kissed the back of Mick’s hand. “I’ve never thought I could feel something like this again for someone else.” He smiled as he looked away for a moment, enjoying the moment of clarity before facing him again. “But I do. Mick… you make me very happy."

Mick smiled and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. “Good.” As he drew back he winced a little. “Let me go clean meself up; I'll be back in a tick.”

“Are you okay?” Cas touched his arm for a moment, still feeling insecure with this unfamiliar and new situation. This was the first time he had expressed the wish to be in a relationship with someone.

“'Course, but there are downsides to having sex without a condom, and needing to clean yourself is one of them.” He chuckled, reaching out to stroke the pad of his thumb along Cas's jaw. “Unless, we turn it into an upside?”

Cas turned his face to kiss Mick’s thumb. “What do you have in mind?” 

“Well, strictly for water conservation purposes, we could share a shower?” Mick waggled his eyebrows suggestively, smirk firmly in place.

Cas let himself get pulled from the bed, chuckling when he overbalanced and landed in Mick’s arms. “I’m glad you also think about the environment. So thoughtful of you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

A flicker of sunlight broke through the curtains of their motel room, right over Mick’s face, causing him to blink awake in annoyance. When his vision began to clear, he reached out across the bed to find it empty. Sitting up he looked around the room; the whole place seemed empty. “Castiel?” he called out to the quiet of the room.

Letting out a mirthless chuckle, he sighed. Mick should have known better than to dip his pen in the company ink, especially with a bloke who was in love with someone else. Not that he was angry with Castiel. The angel had no idea just how dangerously close Mick was to completely losing himself to what was happening between them. 

He was already crazy about Castiel, as much as he tried to play it cool. Mick couldn’t even try to bring himself to regret what they’d done. To hold a shooting star in your hand, no matter how briefly nor how much damage it leaves in its wake, is still a once in a lifetime experience you don’t pass up. 

Mick kicked the sheets off and stood up to stretch, making his way over to the coffee pot. He’d give it an hour before texting the angel to see if he still wanted their help in locating Kelly Kline.

A swooshing sound behind him made him startle and whirl around. Castiel stood right behind him; windswept hair and his usual trench coat get up. He smiled brightly at him, holding up a plastic bag. “Good morning, Mick. I brought you breakfast. From London.”

He was frozen in place for a moment. A sense of relief washed over him; relief at being completely incorrect in his assumptions, but it was something more than that. Something profoundly freeing and damning all at the same time. Mick shook his head in disbelief and approached Castiel, yanking him forward by the lapels of his trenchcoat into a kiss, replete with the yearning breathlessness the angel caused in him.

“If there’s baked beans on toast in there, I’m keepin’ ya’.”

Castiel’s smile grew wider as he handed him the bag with the cafe and sandwich bar’s logo and address on it. It really was from London. “I’m lucky then.”

Mick chuckled and started taking the containers out of the bag, placing them on the table. “So, wings are up and running then?”

“Yes.” Castiel smiled; he looked very happy. “I still can’t believe it. I missed them very much.”

Mick returned the smile and moved to sit down, the heat from the beans steaming out of the container. “I wonder if it could help all the angels…”

Castiel leaned against the table and looked thoughtful for a moment. “I’m not sure. My wings weren’t damaged by the fall, but because my grace was used for a spell. Since I don’t have a connection to Heaven anymore, it didn’t regenerate.”

He shrugged. “Well, I’ll report your results, and we’ll have our people look into it.” As he cut a piece of the toast, Mick looked up at Castiel. “I didn’t see any for yourself; you gone back to not tasting anything?”

Cas looked down at the floor. “Yes.” 

“Well, I could give you the recipe for that potion if you ever feel like powering down?” he suggested, before diving in to his breakfast. After the past couple of days, this was the bloody icing on the cake.

“Thank you,” Castiel murmured before he went to the coffee maker and made himself a coffee that mainly consisted of sugar.

“Oh, and I’ve called in to the main tech guy we have here; they’re plugging in the info on Kelly. I’m hoping we’ll hear back in the next day or so.”

Castiel returned to the table and sat across from Mick, looking at him with wide eyes. “I can’t thank you enough for helping me.”

Mick waved him off. “The thank you goes both ways, don’t it? We help you, maybe more American hunters start to believe we’re all here for the same reason. Mutually beneficial…”

“It sounds like you had a rough start finding hunters who would work with you.” Castiel sipped his coffee and grimaced, before standing up and getting more sugar.

Mick shrugged. “Unfortunately, word got out fast what happened with Lady Bevell and Sam. Can’t say I blame ‘em. Not to mention, American hunters appear a little less willing to cooperate with each other overall.”

Castiel poured more sugar in his coffee and slowly stirred it with his spoon. “It wasn’t always like that. There was a time they were all more organized, when Bobby Singer was still alive. His death wasn’t just a huge personal loss, but also for the hunter network here.”

And suddenly it clicked, this wasn’t just about the wariness from a bad beginning, they were coming off like they were trying to replace a system that died with a well liked and respected hunter. Mick had read about Bobby Singer, one of the best hunters in the North American continent. “Bugger me. You lot think we’re tryin’ to replace him, don’t you?”

Castiel seemed to think about that for a moment. “I’m not the right person to be answering questions about human reasoning, but I guess that they all are used to working alone by now. I often notice when people lose someone…” Castiel's voice suddenly went quieter, “they build up more walls around them and don’t let anyone new in, in case they could get hurt again.”

“Which is inevitable, isn’t it? Sometimes people forget the most rewarding successes come from takin’ risks, don’t they?” Mick pointedly looked at Castiel, hoping he got his meaning. He wasn’t Dean Winchester. He never would be. He could only hope that Castiel understood that.

Judging by the shy smile Castiel was giving him over his coffee mug, he had gotten the message. “So… do you like your breakfast?”

Mick reached out over the table and grasped Castiel’s hand. “I can’t thank you enough for this.”

Castiel rubbed his thumb over the back of Mick’s hand. “I never want to see you disappointed with your food again.”

Pressing a kiss into Castiel’s palm, he turned to look down and finish his toast. “So, while we wait to hear back, what would you like to do? Any leads you have you’d like to follow?”

Castiel let go of Mick’s hand and reached over to the books he had brought from the bunker. “Yes, I need to find a way that doesn’t end in tragedy for Kelly and her baby. I’m hoping these books will help me, maybe find a way to… I don’t know… seal the Nephilim’s power. Killing it should be our last resort.”

Mick nodded, starting to feel a little shitty about keeping his plans from the angel. These damn hunters and their damnable spirit to try and save the creatures almost as much as the humans. “What can I do?”

“How well-versed are you in my language?” Castiel asked with a smile, as he pushed one of the books in front of Mick.

_ “I can tell you how breathtakingly beautiful your eyes are, as well as get a little more crude and tell you how much I want to drop to my knees and swallow your cock…”  _ Mick wetted his lower lip with his tongue and arched his brow.

Castiel made a noise that sounded like a mixture between a growl and a gasp, before he slowly rounded the table and pulled Mick from his chair and into a fervent kiss.

_ “My tongue defiling your language get you going, Castiel?”  _ he purred into the angel’s ear. 

Castiel pressed him against the wall, carding his fingers into his hair, before he kissed him again.  _ "Everything about you gets me going," _ he answered, sounding breathless.

_ “Like what?”  _ Mick pushed Castiel towards the bed, gently shoving him down onto it, before straddling his hips. Tangling his fingers into Castiel’s hair, Mick pulled him close, licking a swipe up his jaw to the lobe of his ear.  _ “Tell me what you want.” _

Castiel gasped and arched his body against him. _ "I want you." _ He angled his face to look at Mick, eyes dark with lust.  _ "I want to be inside you. I want to come inside you." _ Cas bit his lower lip and blinked after he said it, as if he hadn't planned on confessing that.

Mick reached between them to palm Castiel’s erection through his trousers.  _ “Then do it.” _

Castiel made a hand gesture and they both were naked from one second to the next. 

_ “Neat trick, what else can you do?” _

Castiel gave him a quick smile before he reached between Mick's legs and teased his hole with his fingers. Without any direct contact, Mick could feel a warmth and calm wash through him, the muscles of his rim being massaged and spread open by an invisible force. The bloody angel was using his grace on him. Clenching Castiel’s upper arms for purchase, Mick exhaled a shaky, “Fuck.” 

“Good?” Castiel asked with wide eyes before Mick felt warm liquid being spread against and inside of him when the angel pushed two fingers inside.

Mick captured Castiel’s lips with his own, nodding against him as a breathy moan escaped. The angel was the perfect blend of soft and rough, knowing exactly how to slowly unravel Mick. “Please,” he panted.

“Tell me what you want, Mick.” Castiel’s voice was a low growl, slightly muffled from where Castiel licked and kissed Mick’s throat.

_ Everything,  _ he wanted to cry out; instead he gripped Castiel’s erection and lined up, tapping it against the fingers inside of him. “I need to feel you inside me.”

Castiel pushed his fingers into him one last time before he pulled them out. He wasn't gentle when he replaced them with his cock, but  _ fuck _ that was exactly what he needed right now. The angel grabbed his hips and instantly started to fuck him, hard and fast.

Mick threw his head back and closed his eyes, moaning and gasping with the onslaught of pleasure. He could feel Castiel's inhuman strength in the way he was holding and fucking him. The only thing he felt capable of was holding on to him and enjoying the ride.

"Come here," Castiel gasped, pulling him down into a deep, passionate kiss. He tasted different, faint traces of coffee and sugar, but also something that he couldn't quite pinpoint and that he hadn't noticed yesterday. Something that felt tingly on his tongue, increasing the pleasure to immeasurable heights.

He moaned into the kiss before he leaned back, tracing his hands over Castiel’s pecs down to his tattoo. Something that reminded him how much he still didn’t know about the angel. Mick braced his hands on Castiel’s knees and undulated his hips in a circular motion, meeting his thrusts in perfect symmetry as he fucked himself on the impressive girth. The angle was perfect, striking his prostate with every rough roll of his hips. 

Mick breathed out a ragged, “Fuck…” as the pressure was fast becoming too much. He hadn’t come on a dick alone for many years, but between the expert way Castiel fucked, and the combination of the traces of grace still tingling through his nerves, Mick wasn’t going to last, let alone need any help getting off. 

When the heat in his groin coiled like a tightly wound spring, Mick knew he was done. Pressing forward to wrap his hands around Castiel’s neck, he slammed their lips together, groaning into his lover’s mouth as he came untouched, coating their torsos as he completely lost himself to pleasure. The way he clenched around Castiel apparently pushed the angel over the edge, and he bit into Mick’s lip with his shaking release. As the lamp on the bedside table lit up brightly, he narrowed his eyes to shield them before it shattered. 

Mick chuckled, making a mental note that angels were able to create massive issues for electricians. He licked at where Castiel had bit him, there was a bit of coppery taste, so he swiped his thumb over his bottom lip. Blood. Castiel looked slightly mortified and Mick shook his head in amusement. “Don’t mind that. It didn’t hurt.”

Castiel cupped his cheek and rubbed his thumb over his lip to heal it. “I think I got a little carried away.” For a moment, he looked over to the lamp before he gave Mick a rueful smile.

A smile that warmed him through. A warmth he hadn't felt since Aidan. Mick was fast succumbing to emotions he hadn't felt in a long time, and while it terrified him, he couldn't help but feel grateful in that moment. He honestly never thought he could feel that way again. And for someone who wasn't technically human, no less. Mick returned the smile. “I think we need another wash…”

“Or…” Castiel touched him again and cleaned them up with his grace before he pulled him down next to him. “We can just stay in bed for a while longer.”

“Much better idea,” he remarked before leaning over to kiss Castiel, a lazy and content movement.

Castiel carded his fingers through Mick’s hair. “Is it terrible of me to never want to leave this bed again?”

Mick chuckled. “Only a little. Do got a world to save and all…”

Castiel scrunched up his nose, giving him a quick smile. “And after that is done?”

“Never leave bed? I’m quite fine with that.” And he absolutely was. The gorgeous angel in his bed really was going to be bad for business.

Castiel gave him another one of his blinding smiles, pulling him closer for another tender kiss. He leaned his forehead against Mick’s, his eyes closed and a warm smile playing around his lips. “I never thought I would ever feel like this again. You have no idea how happy I am right now.”

“Well, I’d be a little disappointed if, after that fuck off orgasm, you were miserable,” he teased, pretty damn glad his feelings didn’t seem to be one-sided. At least, not for now. Mick had been on the receiving end of enough broken hearts to not get his hopes too high with someone that, as little as two days ago, thought he was in love with someone else.

Castiel carded his fingers through Mick’s hair again, something he seemed to like. “I’m serious, Mick. You make me very happy. I’m glad you gave this between us a chance.”

Mick leaned up on his elbow to look down at Castiel’s face. “No point in not, right? Worst case scenario, we don’t work out and we have to deal with the aftermath. Best case? Well…”

Castiel raised an eyebrow and leaned his head against Mick’s arm, leaving a tender kiss there. “Yes?”

“Best case, one of us moves to a new country.” Mick swiped the pad of his thumb over Castiel’s bottom lip, finding it a little difficult to look away from red, kiss-swollen lips.

Cas kissed Mick’s thumb before he licked over it with a playful smile. “I like that prospect.”

**…. :::: ::: ….**

They had gone separate ways after their contented morning. Mick was needed back at the temporary Men of Letters base, but he had promised to call him as soon as he got intel on Kelly. Since Cas had his wings back, it was a lot easier and faster to follow leads. 

While he patiently waited for one of Kelly’s old school friends to come home, he watched a few bees collect pollen from a bush next to him. Cas realized that he couldn’t stop smiling. All he could think about was Mick. How they had been side by side on the bed, just looking at each other, trading a few kisses and soft touches.

His train of thought got interrupted by a phone call. He was surprised to see that it was from Dean. Then he realized that he hadn’t thought of him for a long time now. He smiled with the realization. Maybe this meant he was really moving on.

“Hello, Dean,” he greeted the hunter, feeling happy and more settled than he had for a long time.

“Heya, Cas… Do –Do you have a minute?”

“Of course, Dean. Are you okay?” He felt worried when he noticed the tone in Dean’s voice.

“Did you know?” His voice was quieter, almost dangerous.

“Did I know what?” he asked slowly.

“Mary. Did you know?” Dean punctuated each word.

Cas sighed deeply, slowly getting irritated. “What about your mother? You know I haven’t seen her for weeks. Has she left again?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Cas. You tellin’ me your new BFF didn’t tell you that Mary’s been working with them for weeks?”

“Mary is working with the British Men of Letters?” he asked slowly. “Since when?”

“Since before that damn prince of Hell trap where you almost died!” Dean yelled, but his voice cracked and stuttered at the end.

“Would you believe me if I told you I didn’t know? Because it sounds like you have already made up your mind.”

There was an audible sigh, before Dean finally responded, “No, look… I believe you, I’m just… Why are the people I give a damn about all so ready to choose them over us?”

Cas was fed up with always hearing about having to make a choice between people he loved. “Why does it always have to be a choice, Dean? Just because Mary works with them doesn’t mean she stopped loving you. She might even be doing this for you. Have you asked her why she is working with them?”

“No, ‘cause by working with them, she chose them over us! Why the hell did I think it was a good idea to call you? You’re just as into them as her. Not sure why you even bother with me and Sam anymore…”

“Because I refuse to make this choice. If you don’t want to see me anymore because I like Mick, that's on you. But don’t you dare put words into my mouth, Dean. I am your friend as long as you want me to be. Me liking other people does not change the way I feel about you.”

Dean let out a shaky exhale, his breathing sounded ragged. “And uh… how do you feel about me?”

“You’re my family, Dean,” he said, his voice turning softer. “I thought you knew that by now.”

“Look, Cas. I don’t want you to choose. I don’t… It’s just sometimes we’re put in a position where we have to choose, and I’m worried that my best friend and my mom might not choose me when it comes down to the nitty gritty. And I wish you would.” He could practically hear the way Dean’s lip trembled, a soft noise that was clearly a wiped away tear.

“When did I ever not choose your side? I will always choose you, Dean…” He sighed. “But Mick is on our side. I can’t speak for the rest of them, but I trust him… He also healed my wings… I just wish you would give him a chance and get to know him.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! What do you mean he healed your wings?” 

“Yes. We solved a case together and I got injured. He knows a lot about Enochian healing spells and magic, and it also healed my wings. Dean, I can fly again.” Cas had to smile with his last words. The thought hadn’t settled yet in his mind. He had been so used to his torn up wings for the past several years that it still felt unreal.

“Shit, Cas. That’s… You busy? Wanna meet me for a drink, seeing as you can just appear again?”

Cas looked up at the house, wondering if it would be a good idea to just leave. On the other hand, he wanted to spend some time with his friend, seeing that he was feeling down. Dean needed him, and at the end that was all that mattered. “Okay. Where do you want to meet?”

“I’m at Patsy’s on fourteenth and Olive. Do you know…”

“I’m here now.” Cas smiled as he stood next to Dean before he slowly pocketed his phone.

Dean chuckled and slapped his shoulder before pointing to the stool next to him. “What are you havin’?”

“A pint…” Cas shook his head. “I mean a beer.”

Dean quirked his brow at Cas and scoffed, “Really, dude?” Turning to the bartender, he barked, “A pint for my wannabe Brit friend here.”

Cas raised his eyebrow at Dean. “Mick is teaching me English phrases and slang words. Which comes in handy when I purchase things in England.”

“So, he's having you run his errands?”

Cas chuckled. “No, but I did get him food from his country as a thank you.”

“For what?” Dean took a swig from his beer.

“My wings, Dean,” Cas reminded him with another raised eyebrow. “And because… I really like him.”

“You must…” Dean cast his eyes downward as he turned to take another drink of his beer. “Never went to England to buy  _ me  _ breakfast.” His voice was soft and a little petulant.

“Well, not from England, but I did get you pie once; and when the Leviathans poisoned the food supply, I made you a sandwich with ingredients from all over the world,” Cas replied slowly, wondering why Dean sounded so… He shook his head before he could end that thought. Dean’s behavior didn’t make any sense. He probably still had a problem with the fact that Cas was working with Mick. He had thought about telling him that he and Mick had become more. He had questions about relationships, and he didn’t want to make any mistakes with Mick. But he had a feeling that it was too soon to tell Dean about being with Mick. He wanted Dean to get to know him better before he told him about his new relationship.

Dean let out a resigned sigh and chuckled. “I know… Sorry, I just… I’m worried you like him better than me or something.”

Cas looked down for a moment, wondering how he should address that concern. After a moment he sighed deeply. “I’m aiming for different,” he murmured, hoping that one day he would love Mick the same way he loved Dean, and that his romantic feelings for Dean would change to just the brotherly love Dean felt towards him. When he thought about Mick, remembering how they had been together last night and this morning, there were metaphorical butterflies in his stomach. He smiled thinking about that sign before he sipped at his beer.

“What’s up, Smiley?” Dean chucked his chin and regarded him with a softer expression, slightly confused smile making the man look five years younger.

Cas shook his head. “Nothing… So, how is Sam? Haven’t heard from him in a while.”

Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Trying to be the Switzerland in all the fights, as usual.”

“Did you two have a fight?” Cas asked, concerned.

“Nah, I just… I told him by playing the mediator, he’s not choosing a side, and I need someone to choose a friggin’ side.” 

“Dean… Sam and I… we may not always have the same opinion, but we will always be on your side. We’re family.” Cas laid a hand on Dean’s shoulder and tried to give him a reassuring smile.

Dean gripped his hand and squeezed, returning the smile. “I know, Cas. Sorry I’ve been a dick about everything.”

Cas shook his head. “It’s okay. I understand why you’re worried about Mick, after everything that happened with Sam. But it would make me very happy if you gave him a chance and got to know him.”

Knocking his shoulder into Cas’s, Dean chuckled. “Pretty big torch you’re carrying there, Cas.”

“I don’t know what that means, Dean,” Cas murmured before taking another sip from his beer. He didn’t expect Dean to explain the phrase anyway.

Rolling his eyes, he took Cas by surprise by actually explaining himself, “Means you’ve got a thing for him, you know? Like a crush? That thing you had with Meg back in the day.”

Cas leaned back against the chair, squinting his eyes at Dean. “I didn’t have 'a crush' on Meg. We were just friends.”

Dean smirked at him. “You’re a terrible liar.”

“Why would I lie about that? I would tell you if I had feelings for Meg. I know what loving someone feels like, and with Meg, it was something totally different.” Cas bit his lower lip and looked away. He hadn’t planned on saying that.

He also hadn’t anticipated Dean gently grasping him by the chin to tilt his head upward and back to his focus. Dean’s smile was kind and open. “You love somebody, Cas?”

Cas swallowed thickly before he pulled away from Dean. He tried to shrug it off by being vague. “Everybody loves something.”

“And what do you love?” Dean challenged, noting in his peripheral vision the man moved to face forward at the bar, taking another swig of his beer.

Cas couldn’t answer that question even if he wanted to. He felt mainly confused. He knew he still loved Dean, but at the same time, he knew he had developed intense feelings for Mick. “I will tell you at some point, but I can’t tell you now.”

“I see.” Dean’s tone was strange. Almost sad and resigned. He didn’t usually give in so easily.

Cas gave him a pained look. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you. I wish I could talk to you about this; it’s all very confusing. But you’re too close to this, and I need time to sort out my feelings.”

Dean nodded. “Well, I’m your best friend, if you ever wanna, you know… talk?”

Cas chewed on his lower lip for a moment, contemplating if he should really ask his next question. Dean was right, and he needed someone to talk to. “Is it possible to fall in love twice?"

“Like, twice in a lifetime, or with two people at the same time?”

Cas took another swig from his beer, trying not to look at Dean. “Both, I guess.”

Dean appeared contemplative for a moment, a beat of silence making Cas feel a little on edge, before he finally answered, “Well, the twice in a lifetime thing, sure. At the same time? I don’t know. I mean, I guess it’s possible, but maybe… Maybe falling in love is more gradual, you kind of don’t see it happening and suddenly, bam! You wake up and the first thing you think about is that person and you can’t wait to text or call them, because you just want to see them… You know?”

"I see..." He took another sip from his beer. "And do you think it's possible to stop loving someone, if you know nothing will ever come of it?"

“Cas, if you love someone, you’re always gonna. It doesn’t go away, not with heartbreak, or death, or nothin’. But if you’re lucky, you find someone that makes you feel like that again, you get a second chance; and you  _ know _ how important second chances are.” Dean’s impassioned speech was breathtaking. It was almost like he was talking from personal experience.

Cas gave him a one-sided smile that didn't reach his eyes. He really hoped Mick could be that person for him. He had a good feeling about it because the charming man was already occupying most of his thoughts. But still, he felt a profound sadness in his heart. He wished this was easier, or at least would stop hurting every time he looked at Dean. 

Cas nodded and attempted another smile for Dean. “I might be lucky this time.”

Dean placed his hand over Cas’s. “I hope you are.” The look in his eyes… there was no arguing Dean meant it.

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas turned his hand to grab Dean’s, squeezing it before he let go of him. 

He received a muted nod in response as Dean moved to stand up. He grabbed his coat off the back of the bar seat and offered Cas a small smile. “I better get back. Thanks for, uh… for meeting up with me. Let me know if you get any leads on Kelly, okay?”

“I will, and call me if you need me, Dean.” Cas stood up too, and before he could stop himself he pulled Dean into a hug. It was a little awkward because Dean patted his back and gave him a weird look when he drew back, like he had been uncomfortable with it. When he caught Dean looking around the bar, Cas guessed it had something to do with other people being around them. 

“See ya’, Cas.” And he was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

He had waited for hours at the house, waiting for Kelly’s friend to come home, but no luck. Cas was about to give up and try to ask the neighbors if she was possibly on vacation or even missing, when he received a phone call. Mick’s name was on the display, and he couldn’t help but smile. 

“Hello, Mick.” 

There was a relieved sigh before Mick responded, “Sorry to bother you, but I was worried…”

“About me?” Cas asked, wondering what he had done to make Mick worried. Only then did he realize that Mick’s voice had trembled slightly. “Are you okay?”

“I am now, knowing you’re fine. We, uh… we had an attack at HQ. Your boys saved us from quite the fuck up.”

“Where are you exactly, Mick?” His heart was suddenly beating faster, afraid that Mick might be injured.

After receiving a detailed description of Mick's exact location, his wings beat without consciously thinking about it. He arrived in some kind of hall, Mick standing a few feet in front of him, his phone still in his hand as Cas pocketed his. 

Mick looked up and smiled, walking straight up to him. “You didn’t have to go out of your way.” 

Cas closed the rest of the gap quickly, touching his cheek and scanning his body for any injuries. He couldn’t find any but he was still worried. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? What happened?”

Mick chuckled. “I'm fine, Castiel. Thanks to the Winchesters…” he stepped aside and pointed to where Mary, Sam, and Dean were staring at them, shock evident on their faces.

To say that Cas was surprised to see all of them here was the understatement of the century. He exchanged a confused look with Mick before he walked up to them. “Sam, Dean, Mary.... what are you doing here? What happened?”

Dean’s brow furrowed. “Vamp attack. What are you doing here?”

Mick stepped forward. “I called him.”

“I think he can talk for himself, thanks,” Dean snipped at Mick.

Cas gave Dean a confused look. “It doesn’t change the fact that I would have told you the same.” He stepped next to Mary to heal her head wound and she gave him a grateful smile in return. Cas mirrored the smile before he turned to Sam, hoping he would be more open to answering his question. “I’m surprised to see you here.”

Sam nodded. “I was being given a tour when the Alpha and a few of his children barged in. Dean was off with Ketch.”

He turned to Mick again. “An Alpha?” Although he was uninjured, Mick still seemed to be shaken. Cas laid his hand on his shoulder, although all his instincts told him to pull Mick closer, into his arms. “Are you sure you are alright?”

Mick waved him off. “Been better, but I'm fine, Castiel. I promise you.”

Cas nodded, sliding his hand from his shoulder and down his arm. “You healed my wings. The next time you’re in danger, just call me please. Or pray. I can be with you in a heartbeat.”

“Cheers,” he replied as he leaned forward to press a kiss to Cas's lips. 

Cas didn’t think, he just reacted. The only thing he thought about was making Mick feel better, reassuring him that everything was going to be okay. He slipped his fingers into Mick’s hair and met him halfway in a soft quick kiss. “I'm so glad you're okay,” he mumbled against Mick’s lips.

Their moment was interrupted by a door slamming. Cas turned to look up and was met with a helpless shrug from Sam at the departure of Dean.

“Sam?” Cas asked slowly, confused about why Dean had left so abruptly.

“‘Dunno, man. Maybe he’s pissed you’re apparently sleeping with the… uh… kind of enemy?” Sam turned to Mick, “No offense…”

Mick shrugged. “None taken.”

Cas sighed and shook his head in defeat. “He sees it as a choice we all made – against him.”

Mick gently clasped his arm, the familiar and comforting touch of something so much more than friendship, out on display as though it didn’t even bother him. He gave Cas a soft smile. “Go on. Go talk with him.”

His heart ached in his chest as he felt the last doubt in his heart crumble. Mick made him incredibly happy, and the support and love he felt gave Cas strength and hope. He rubbed his thumb over his cheek with a soft smile. “I'll be right back with you.”

“I’ll wait here, then…” He chucked Cas’s chin and gave him a wink.

Cas leaned forward and kissed his forehead, before he turned around and followed Dean with a heavy heart. This conversation probably wouldn’t be easy, and he was afraid he would lose Dean over this.

**…. :::: ::: ….**

Dean was pacing in front of Baby, cussing out every single person in the stupid ass Men of Letters base, or whatever the fuck it was. Particularly Mick. Fuck that smarmy, limey, piece of shit. Stealing his mom from him, then his brother, and now his best friend. Cas wasn’t supposed to like anyone more than Dean.

He knew that mentality was anything but mature, let alone healthy, but damnit. He only had a few things in this shitty, terrible world that were his and his alone. Cas was one of them. Not that Cas was a thing. 

“Fuck!” Dean kicked one of Baby’s hubcaps, then proceeded to apologize to his car, because no matter how pissed he was, she didn’t deserve to be kicked.

Leaning up against the driver’s side door, he contemplated just hopping in her and calling Crowley. See if he’d be up for another bro-cation or something. Dean was so done with everyone. 

“Dean?” Cas asked carefully from behind him.

“So, that’s who you love?” He asked, voice resigned and annoyed, keeping his eyes straight ahead. Dean wasn’t about to give Cas the satisfaction of looking at him.

Cas walked up to Dean, but instead of invading his personal space like he usually did, he kept his distance. “Yes… it’s all very new.”

Dean scoffed. “No shit. Only known the guy a few days…” God, that really fucking hurt. Why did it hurt so much? Oh, yeah. Getting abandoned. Again.

Cas sighed deeply; he sounded frustrated. "I didn't tell you because I was afraid that you would see this as me choosing a side. But the truth is I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I will lose you because of this, and I don't want to lose you, Dean."

“Shoulda’ thought of that before you decided to shack up with Harry Potter.” He knew he was being petulant, but goddamnit. Why couldn’t someone choose him for once? Just once. It would be nice to feel that all the people he gave a damn about, he would give his life for, weren’t all just waiting for the train to slow down enough to jump from it.

"So that's it? I fall in love with someone and you don't want me in your life anymore, because you don't like that person? Are you asking me to choose between him and you?" 

For some reason, that made him more angry than any of the shit that had gone down in the last few days. He rounded on Cas. “You made your choice! I don’t have to ask you to choose shit. You’re apparently in love with some dick you’ve known for five goddamn minutes. Don’t need me anymore, right?”

Cas stared at him in shock, his voice just above a whisper, "Why are you comparing my feelings towards Mick with our relationship? What does us being best friends and family have to do with my love life?"

“Because you were supposed to wait!” Dean gasped and covered his mouth with his hand.  _ Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!  _ He had to leave; he had to get the hell out of dodge. Dean opened the door to Baby and started to get inside the car when Cas grabbed him by his jacket sleeve and yanked him forward.

He glared at him, his jaw tense. “You don't just walk away from me after saying that. If you choose to go now without explaining yourself, this is on you. It's you making the choice to leave me, because I sure as hell won't ever let you walk out of my life if I have a choice in that."

Dean had never felt so terrified in his entire life, and he spent forty years in Hell. But this? Facing something about himself he’d been repressing his entire goddamn life, and all because the asshole who made him question his entire being was standing there, asking for clarification. Because he’s a friggin’ angel who doesn’t understand conversational nuance. Because Dean was going to have to literally break it down to him.

He let out a mirthless chuckle, scowl imprinted on his face. “Because you were supposed to wait for me to wake the fuck up. And you didn’t…” His anger started to fade, fade into the profound sadness of his realization. Cas, the guy who could literally wait for Dean on the side of a road all night, the patience of a saint, had given up on waiting for him. Just like everybody else did. Dean sighed. “And you shouldn’t have had to.” No longer capable of keeping eye contact he took a deep breath, trying to stop himself from totally breaking down. “I’ve gotta go. It doesn’t mean I’m walking out of your life, but… I’ve gotta go, Cas.”

Cas seemed to be paralyzed. His hands slowly slipped off Dean as he let him go. He looked like he was completely in shock before he slowly backed away from Dean without saying anything.

Fuck it. This was goodbye? It was going to be goodbye. Dean yanked him forward by his tie and pressed a surprisingly soft kiss to his lips. Before Cas could respond, or shove him away angrily, it was over. He scrubbed away a traitorous tear and gave Cas a fake smile. “See ya’.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

He watched as Dean drove away. His sight started to blur and he realized he was crying. Cas rubbed the tears away, but more followed and he felt angry... so angry and hurt. Why now? 

He took in a shuddered breath. He needed to be with Mick. Suddenly he needed the other man more than ever. He just didn't know how to deal with this on his own.

Cas turned around and walked back to the others, ignoring Sam and Mary's twin looks of concern as he walked up to Mick and pulled him into his arms, burying his face in Mick's shoulder.

Mick pulled him tight, carding his hand through Cas's hair. “What happened, love?” His voice was slightly shaky with concern.

Cas had difficulty finding his words, he was still in shock and instead of answering, he just pressed himself closer to Mick and shook his head slightly.

Hushing him, rubbing soothing circles on his back, Mick mumbled, “Come on, let’s go to my room. Privacy.”

“Castiel?” Mary asked, and suddenly another hand was on his back in addition to Mick’s. “Is everything alright?”

Cas couldn’t turn around. He felt broken in every way imaginable, and the only thing that was holding him together was being in Mick’s arms. He just shook his head, hoping it would be answer enough.

He could hear Sam shuffle behind him, whispering, “Come on,” to Mary. A little louder he said, “I’ll look into finding out what happened here. I'll keep in contact, Mick…. And take care of him.” Obviously forgetting his hearing was superhuman, he heard clearly as Sam whispered to Mary, “I’m gonna fucking kill him for doing this to Cas.”

Cas wondered for a moment if Sam knew about Dean’s feelings. He still couldn’t believe that really happened, after all this time. He hadn’t seen it coming. It had been clear to him that Dean would never feel the same about him, like he did… like he  _ had. _ His heart hurt; it was over, wasn’t it? It was too late for them. He made a choice, and he intended to stick to it. 

And suddenly the anger was back. At Dean for saying anything to him, for kissing him. Now that he had chosen, now that he wasn’t free anymore. 

He could feel Mick’s arms tighten around him before he guided him towards his room. Mick walked him to the cot that was clearly a terrible place to sleep, and helped him sit down. He bent down in front of Cas, placing his hands on his knees. “Can I get you anything?”

“I just want you.” He shook his head. “Need you to be close.”

Mick nodded, helping Cas to lie down, before crawling onto the tiny cot with him. His right leg was draped over Cas’s, Mick half laying over him and next to him so as not to fall off. He pressed a tender kiss to Cas’s temple and cupped his face. “Would you like to talk about it?”

Cas shook his head before he nodded slightly. “I think I just lost my best friend… and I feel incredibly hurt and angry with Dean right now.”

“You haven’t lost him, love. You both probably just need some time.” Mick caressed his face, tone kind, and wonderful, and everything that he loved about the man beside him.

Cas shook his head again. “You don’t understand. He kissed me, even though he knew…” He couldn’t finish the sentence when the pain in his chest started to flare up again. “I don’t even know if I want to see him again.”

“You do, love. You just don’t know it yet.” Mick gave him a soft smile, tone still kind and so very sure. 

Cas had no idea how he deserved this man. He tried to mirror his smile, though he felt the tears begin to well up again. Tears he was angry about and tried his best to suppress. He pulled Mick closer, hiding his face in his shoulder. He was falling for Mick so hard and so fast, it was dizzying. “Mick... there is something I need to tell you."

“What, love?” Mick continued to rub soothing circles on his back.

Cas leaned back so he could look at Mick, for a moment getting lost in his beautiful green eyes. “I… I’m falling in love with you. Every minute… more and more.”

Mick gently caressed his cheek. “Isn’t it funny how we fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time?”

Cas held his breath; he didn’t want to assume. “Does that mean you…”

“Does that mean what? That I’m in love with you, too?” Mick asked, smile still on his face, eyes twinkling in amusement.

“Yes,” Cas breathed out.

“Let me put it to you this way, if you’d kissed Dean back, I would have been heartbroken.”

“I didn’t.” Cas felt dazed, like his mind still hadn’t caught up with what his heart already knew.

Mick chuckled. “I know you didn’t, love. You came  _ back.” _

Cas turned his head and kissed Mick’s hand that was still cupping his cheek. “I really need you now.”

“You’ve got me as long as you’ll have me.”

Cas surged forward and pulled Mick into a deep kiss, sliding his fingers in his dark hair. “Would you sleep with me?” He asked softly against Mick’s lips, afraid his request would be rejected. He felt the desperate need to be close to Mick, to feel his love.

“Not sure how comfortable it'll be to sleep here. Want to head back to the motel?” Mick had clearly misunderstood his request, and he couldn't help but smile. It was nice to feel equal in a relationship.

He bit his lower lip and looked up at Mick. “I meant, would you have sex with me. I…” He looked down, afraid of saying too much. “I really need to feel you.”

“Doesn't change my answer.”

Without hesitating, Cas flew them back to the hotel, transporting them directly onto the bed.

Laughing outright, he cupped Cas’s face and kissed him. “Good thing you brought us to the right room,” he teased.

“I have a perfect sense of orientation,” Cas explained, smiling for the first time since… He shook his head, trying not to think about it. Seeing Mick laugh, just made him incredibly happy.

“Sense of urgency, too,” Mick winked at him.

“Yes, very much so,” Cas murmured before he pulled Mick into a kiss again.

Moving to straddle his hips, Mick pressed into him, both losing themselves in a kiss that was somehow managing to make his concerns dissipate. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Cas hadn’t heard from Dean in two weeks, and he had only exchanged a few updates on his search for Kelly with Sam. He had felt no need to ask about Dean or how he was doing. He was still angry at Dean for kissing him. Cas had been in love with Dean for years, and in all that time Dean hadn’t shown any interest in him. He had suffered from his unrequited love and when he finally found someone else, Dean showed interested in him? He still couldn’t believe it. His heart was torn. On one hand, he was angry with Dean for showing his interest now that it was too late. He was angry with the situation, the timing, with himself for not having waited long enough. He still could hear the accusation in his mind.

_ You were supposed to wait. _

On the other hand, it was difficult to feel guilty when he was with Mick. The way the other man’s eyes brightened whenever they were alone together. Mick made him feel loved, and he had no problem showing it to the world.

With Dean, he would probably be his secret. Cas shook his head. He shouldn’t think about the “what if’s”. He was happy. And since Mick wanted to go back to England when his mission in America was over, Cas had readily agreed to go with him.

He just needed to find a solution for Kelly first. The Nephilim would be born in two months and they still had no lead, nor did they have a solution for removing the nephilim’s power, so they wouldn’t need to kill the baby. Whenever they talked about not killing the nephilim, he could sense that Mick was uncomfortable. It wasn’t that Cas didn’t understand his worry, but for once he wanted to try to save someone's life. If they could take the Nephilim’s power, maybe they would even find a way to save Kelly’s life.

Mick was lying in his arms, sleeping, when he got a message from Sam.

_ We may have found a way to save Kelly and the baby. _

Cas raised his eyebrow and texted back.  _ Are you at the bunker? _

_ Yes. Come over?  _ Sam texted back immediately.

Cas planted a soft kiss on Mick’s forehead. “Mick, I need to go to the bunker. Do you want to accompany me?”

Mick chuckled. “You sure that’s a good idea?”

It probably wouldn't be, especially if Dean was around. Cas didn’t want Mick to feel uncomfortable because of Dean. Mick didn’t deserve that. 

Cas took in a deep breath before he pressed a quick but tender kiss to Mick’s lips. “Probably not. I would understand if you don’t want to come with me. I can tell you what Sam has found when I'm back.”

“I don’t mind comin’ with you. I just don’t want to make things worse for ya’.”

Cas chuckled and pulled Mick closer. “I didn’t want to make it uncomfortable for you. Dean probably won't be very nice to you.”

Mick barked out a laugh. “And how is that any different from how he normally treats me?”

Cas smiled softly at Mick. He loved that the man wasn’t afraid to stand at his side. “You know I always want you at my side. Get dressed and we can go.”

“Bossy boots today,” Mick teased as he sat up and stretched his arms out.

“You say that like you don't like it,” Cas replied smoothly as he let his gaze wander over Mick’s body.

Mick winked at him. “Got me. Could always use it to your advantage.”

“I'll keep that in mind for the next time we are alone and have time on our hands.” Cas hoped it would be soon. He also couldn’t wait to move in with Mick once he returned to England. He had told him so many lovely things. Sadly they hadn’t had time for a quick visit to his house… yet.

“Can you spare a minute for a quick cop off?” Mick waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“A cop off?” Cas asked with a confused head tilt.

That was met with a chuckle as he grabbed his pants from the floor. “I think yanks call it making out?”

Cas smiled and cupped Mick’s cheek, stopping him from pulling his pants up as he pulled him into a deep kiss. He loved kissing Mick. It always felt like the man was able to stop every thought and worry in his mind with his lips and tongue. It was so easy to lose himself in the moment.

Despite the height difference, the way Mick kissed was like he was everywhere. As if Cas was safe in a cocoon of passion and affection that Mick was able to create in the heated way they connected. Mick let out a breathy chuckle when they reluctantly drew back for air. “Are you  _ sure  _ we don’t have time for more?”

“The only thing I'm sure of is that I want you, Mick,” Cas growled as he lifted Mick up in his arms and planted him onto the dresser before he pulled down his own pants. He pushed Mick’s legs apart and stroked over his erection before he fingered his rim. He was still wet from their last time, which was only a few hours ago. 

Cas licked over two of his own fingers to make them wet before he worked them into Mick, using his grace to help him relax and stimulate the nerves.

“Oh, fuck,” Mick swore in a moan. “Come on, love. Kiss me.”

Even after a little over two weeks of being with Mick, it still felt like a million butterflies were fluttering in his stomach whenever Mick called him “love”. He gave him a smile before leaning in for a passionate kiss, using Mick’s distraction to replace his fingers with his dick as he carefully pushed inside the man. He hummed against Mick’s lips, “You feel incredible…”

Mick hummed appreciatively in kind as he nodded. “Yes,” he hissed out in pleasure as he wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck. 

Cas coaxed him to put his legs around him too, before he started to fuck him against the dresser with quick, hard thrusts. He loved to let go like that, to only feel heat, and tightness, and need. 

He kissed Mick’s cheek and behind his ear when he whispered, “I love you so much.”

Mick let out a soft gasp as he nodded against him. “I love you, Castiel. Fuck.”

Happiness bloomed in his heart, filling his very essence with warmth and joy as he smiled and thrusted into Mick, harder and deeper, using his hand on Mick’s neck to send his own lust and desperate need for closeness through his grace into Mick’s body.

“Fuck me,” Mick breathed out in awe before he suddenly stilled with a shudder. He looked at Cas in amazement as he rode out his orgasm, hips bucking into Cas’s thrusts in harmony.

Cas gasped as he released his control over his own body and spilled his come deep into his lover with a low moan, kissing Mick through his orgasm. 

He needed a moment to catch his breath, trading lazy kisses with Mick before he leaned back and smiled at him. “I can’t wait for everything to be over so that we can spend the rest of your life in your bed at home.”

Mick smiled and nodded. “Now  _ that  _ sounds like Heaven.”

Cas nodded, his lips gently ghosting over Mick’s. “It is, and I would know.”

“Deal.” Mick kissed him again, a chaste and gentle kiss that made his heart stumble the same way it did when they lost themselves to their more passionate kisses.

He was procrastinating and he knew it. Mick probably knew it too, but he couldn’t help but lose himself in more kisses with his lover, walking him back to the bed.

Mick chuckled and finally braced a hand on his chest to halt him. “Come on. Sooner we go, sooner we can leave, right?”

Cas took in a deep breath before he cleaned them both up and dressed them with his grace. “I know… You always make me forget the world around me. I wish sometimes the world could forget about us too.”

“Maybe when we finish this case, it will.”

Cas leaned in for another soft kiss. “I hope so.” He touched Mick’s shoulder with a sad smile. “Are you ready?”

Mick shook his head and waved for Cas to come closer.

Cas wrapped his arms around him, giving him a questioning look.

Instead of answering, Mick drew him in for a kiss so tender, it made Cas’s lips tingle from the barely there contact. Mick leaned back and smiled. “Alright. Now I’m ready.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Dean had been pacing up and down the library since Sam told him Cas was coming over. He hadn’t talked to or seen Cas since, what Dean was calling in his head, ‘the incident’. He didn’t know how to be around him anymore. And he was nervous as hell, which was strange for him.

He caught the annoyed glances his brother kept shooting him, but Dean just ignored them. He focused on the way his thoughts slowly organized themselves in his pacing. 

“Seriously, can you calm down, please?” Sam finally barked at him.

Dean rolled his eyes and kept pacing. “I  _ am _ calm.”

For that he received a patented bitch face. “Do you wanna try that again?” Before Dean could say anything, Sam checked his watch with a frown. “Weird, it sounded like he would just come over.”

That wasn’t helping Dean’s train of thought. So that clearly meant Cas didn’t want to come over. Or maybe he was hurt… Shit. “Maybe you should call him again?”

“I already texted him. He’s probably busy.”

Dean didn’t feel reassured. He growled in frustration and started pacing again. He was going to give Cas five minutes before he called. Cas knew better than to leave them hanging considering all the shit that was going down. And especially since Cas decided to shack up with the enemy. He took in a deep breath to try and rein in the anger that was slowly starting to overwhelm him.

After five minutes, there was still no Cas. Sam looked at his phone with a frown. “Maybe he’s with Mick.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Dean snapped.

Sam huffed in annoyance before he crossed his arms over his chest. “I'm not telling you to make you feel better, but so you get used to it. Cas likes him and he’s your friend. So don't make his life miserable because he’s trying to be happy.”

Dean scoffed. “Are you seriously not even a little concerned that these limey assholes got their claws into Mom  _ and _ Cas?”

Sam rewarded him with bitch face number two. “I trust Cas, and I'm willing to give the guy a chance. It's been two weeks, and all I hear from Cas is that he’s happy. And I'm happy for Cas.”

“Well, when this all comes back to bite him and Mom in the ass, none of you better come crying to me.”

“I don’t believe there’s much danger in that. Especially not with Cas. If you keep treating him like crap, he may not want anything to do with you,” Sam murmured more to himself, but Dean heard him. Loud and clear.

Dean shook his head and let out a mirthless chuckle. “How am I the only one who isn’t underestimating the people who kidnapped and tortured you? So much so that I’m suddenly the fucking bad guy.”

“Mick didn’t torture me, and he has been very forthcoming and helpful the last few weeks. You just don't want to give him a chance because you're jealous.”

“Jealous?” Dean scoffed and narrowed his eyes at his brother. “The hell do I have to be jealous over?”

Sam shook his head before he leaned back in the chair. “You were always the most important person for Cas. He did everything for you, and you were used to always having him at your beck and call. And now all of Cas’s attention is on Mick.”

“Are you seriously making out my concern that Cas is sleeping with the enemy to be some sort of petty, hissy fit over not wanting to share?” Dean rolled his eyes. “They’re gonna screw us over, which means Cas is gonna get screwed over. It’s gonna suck; he’s gonna get hurt, and I’ll have to pick up the fucking pieces, because he refused to listen.”

“Have you maybe considered for a moment that you're wrong about Mick? That he really cares about Cas? Is it so hard for you to imagine that he could genuinely like him, and that Cas maybe knows him better than you do? So he might have made a very informed decision to trust him.”

“Yeah. I have. You know, the same way I did with you and Ruby. Look where that got us.” Dean challenged. And he knew it was a low blow, but he was too pissed to care anymore.

Sam glared at him. “You’re gonna lose him if you continue down this path.”

“I already have,” Dean said in a resigned scoff.

Sam didn’t get the chance to reply when the usual replacement of air and the sound of angel wings announced Cas’s presence. “Hello, Sam… Dean,” he greeted from behind Dean.

When he whipped around, the smile that almost broke out immediately halted as his focus honed in on the hobbit Cas brought with him. “You’re late,” Dean clipped.

Cas turned to Sam with a confused head tilt. “Did we say a time?”

Sam shook his head before he pointed at the chairs. “No, we just assumed you would drop by as soon as you got my message. Hi, Mick.”

“Good to see you, Sam. Dean,” Mick said, and Dean had to refrain from flipping the guy off. 

Cas sat down across from Sam, and Dean hated how close Mick pulled his chair to Cas. Was it _ really _ necessary that the guy practically sat on Cas’s lap?

Cas was obviously ignoring him, his gaze just on Sam. “You said you found a solution?”

Dean sighed and moved to sit on the edge of the table next to Sam. “A possible solution,” Dean answered instead, willing the angel to actually pay him a goddamn bit of attention.

Cas folded his hands on the table before he looked up at Dean with a cold expression. “What did you find?”

“Grace extraction,” Dean clipped. He’d be damned if he had to elaborate more than necessary for the benefit of Cas’s fucking boyfriend.

Cas turned to Sam again. “Like the one time we tried to use the leftover grace from Gadreel to track him?”

Sam nodded and leaned forward. “I know it's not exactly risk-free, but it could potentially help them both, right?”

Cas gave him a thoughtful look. “It’s risky, but we don't have a choice. Now we only have to find her.”

Mick nodded and said, “I’ve got a few of our connections tracking her whereabouts. Her last known location was at a free clinic in Egypt, Texas. So we’ve got moles planted in case she returns.”

Dean had to refrain from rolling his eyes. “Maybe we should go the psychic route.”

“Or I could meet up with the angels. I still know a few who would help me. They are likely to tracking surges in celestial energy,” Cas suggested thoughtfully. 

“I thought the whole point of this was to prevent the child from being killed?” Dean challenged. Apparently, sleeping with the enemy was making Cas a whole new level of gullible.

Cas rolled his eyes. “I'm not suggesting working with them. Just to find out what they know so we can be one step ahead of them. I could even throw them off the trail. It would be stupid to underestimate their resources to find the Nephilim.”

“Are you serious right now? You wanna try and double cross the angels again? Are you friggin' nuts?”

Cas glared at him. “She is almost due. If Heaven finds her before we do, they will kill her. I'm willing to take the risk if it means we can save Kelly.”

Dean snorted in derision. “Not like you’re gonna listen to anything out of my mouth. So do whatever you want. We’ll let you know if we get a line on her.”

Cas stood up, the chair scratching loud over the floor. “I would listen if what came out of your mouth didn’t imply that you have no faith or trust in my abilities. If you didn't treat me like a child, or something that you would rather lock up somewhere so it doesn't get scratches. I'm a soldier and won't let myself be sidelined by you just because I could die.”

“Excuse me for giving a shit!” Dean scoffed and shook his head. He raised his hands in surrender and barked, “You know what? I’m done trying to justify myself.”

“Good, because I'm not your responsibility,” Cas replied coldly before Sam stepped between them. 

“Guys, please. Calm down, okay? I know it's been a lot lately, but try to remember we're all friends here.”

“That right? You might want to remind Cas of that!” Dean shook his head and stepped back. “Fuck this.” He turned to the map room and walked towards the staircase.

Cas growled after him. “You don't need to run away. I'll go. I’ll keep in touch, Sam.”

And with those words Cas touched Mick’s shoulder and vanished, hobbit boyfriend in tow.

Sam sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face. “Well, that went well.”

“Yeah, well, what did you expect? You know? It’d be nice if you took my fucking side for once.”

Sam stood up and closed the book. “Well, you don't make it easy to choose your side when all you do is act like a jerk to Cas. What’s your endgame here? Do you want him to never speak to you again?”

“Am I high? You heard how he talked to me, right?” Dean scoffed and rifled a hand through his hair. “I don’t get why I’m the only one who’s being held accountable here.”

“Yes. I heard how he talked to you, but I also heard how you talked to him. And I also saw him after whatever you said to him two weeks ago. He was devastated, and I've never seen Cas like that before. The way I see it, you hurt him and will continue to do so until he’s gone. And then what, Dean?” Sam scoffed. “Even if you don’t see it, I  _ am  _ on your side. I'm trying to get you to stop walking down this self-destructive path and do something about it. Before you lose him completely.”

“I already lost him! He’s gone! He made his choice, and as usual, I’m the one that gets the short straw.” Dean sighed and looked away. “And I’m a friggin' glutton for punishment apparently, ‘cause I’m hoping that’ll change. That he’ll…” He stopped himself and shook his head. “Never mind.”

Sam gave him an odd look. “He still wants to be your friend. I'm not sure what him finally having a boyfriend has to do with you. Why do you hate Mick so much? He obviously makes Cas happy. And damnit, Cas deserves to be happy for once. After everything he’s been through.”

Dean let out a mirthless chuckle. “Doesn’t matter anymore. Just… just come get me if you find something.” He braced his hand on the stair railing and started heading up.

“Alright.” Sam lifted his hands in frustration. “Go stew in self pity instead of just manning up and doing something to fix this.”

“And how the hell would I fix this? Tell me what I can do considering… everything.”

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose before he looked at Dean. “I don’t know what you did to him two weeks ago, but maybe try and apologize for it. That could be a start.”

Dean sighed and shrugged as he made his way up the stairs and outside. When he reached Baby, he sat on her hood and stared up at the orange and purple hues of a sky behind a setting sun. Dean sighed again and pulled out his cell phone, pulling up his texts and staring at Cas’s name.

Maybe his brother was right. Maybe the only hope of fixing this was to try and man up. With a deep sigh, Dean tapped out a short and sweet message.

_ I’m sorry. _

For a long moment nothing happened. But then he heard wings flapping and Cas was standing right in front of him. His expression unreadable. “For what exactly?”

Dean sighed. “For what happened a couple of weeks ago.”

Cas bit his lower lip hard before he nodded. “I hope you understand that I can't... I still want to be your friend… if that's something you still want.”

“I… I don’t know what I want.” Dean sighed again and rubbed the back of his neck. “I just… I needed to tell you I’m sorry.”

Cas looked devastated by that for some reason as he nodded. “I see…” He looked away before he cleared his throat. “After we save Kelly… when this is all over… Mick is trying to convince the British Men of Letters to return home. To leave you alone.” He shuffled his feet. “I have my wings, but if you don’t want to see me anymore I… plan to go with him to England.”

Dean let out a mirthless chuckle and chewed the inside corner of his lip to stop its trembling. “Don’t make it sound like it's up to me. You intend on going with him no matter what happens between us.”

Cas shook his head. “I'm sorry, you misunderstood me. That wasn’t what I intended to say. I will go with him. I want to spend the rest of his life with him. I'm asking if you would still want me to visit, or if you’d prefer to never see me again.”

“Why does what I want even matter?” Dean sighed and shook his head. “If you want to visit, you visit. Don’t make it my decision.”

“It matters if you don’t want to see me. I don’t want to cause you unnecessary pain,” Cas replied softly.

“Me wanting to see you ain’t the problem here, Cas.”

Cas frowned before he carefully asked, “What is the problem?”

Dean sighed and quirked his brow at him. “It’s the other way around, isn’t it? I’m just… I’m just a pain in the ass, right? Something tedious you have to put up with.”

For a moment Cas looked confused before he furrowed his brow. “If that is what you think I think of you, you couldn't be further away from the truth… It’s actually the opposite, Dean. I miss you. A lot... and I wish things weren’t this complicated between us.”

“Me too,” he exhaled with a resigned sigh. “I hate that we’re fighting.”

“I hate it too. I miss… I need my friend.”

Dean stood up and approached Cas, pulling him in for a hug. “No matter what happens, I’m always gonna be your friend.”

For a moment he had been afraid that Cas would pull away, but then the angel wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close and tight. He could hear Cas murmuring against his throat, “I'm glad you said that.”

As he drew back, he smiled down at Cas, chucking his chin as he said, “I mean it. Even if I get shitty again in the future, I hope you see I still want you in my life.”

Cas nodded and looked thoughtful, seemingly debating asking something. “If we want to avoid that, is Mick a topic we shouldn’t discuss then?”

Dean sighed and finally let Cas go. “I mean, that’s not really fair, right? He’s your…” He swallowed and forced himself to say, “boyfriend.”

Cas nodded. “He is more than that… and I wish… you would give him a chance, get to know him. He makes me very happy.”

“More than that?” Dean asked.

Cas shuffled his feet nervously before he replied, “He asked me to move in with him and to spend my life with him. So I like to think it means more than just boyfriends. At least, I hope it means more than that.”

Dean let out a surprised sound as he shook his head. “It’s that serious already?”   
  


Cas nodded slowly. “I know we haven't known each other for very long… but he is exactly what I need.”

That hurt more than he anticipated. Dean nodded his understanding and swallowed against the lump in his throat. “That’s good,” he lied.

Cas took in a deep breath. “I'm sorry… We don't have to talk about him, but… could you, um, try to get to know him? It would mean everything to me.”

Dean sighed and gave Cas a pointed look. He didn’t want to; it was the last thing he wanted to do, but… “Yeah. For you.”

Cas’s smile was bright, unapologetically happy, as he pulled him into another tight hug. “Thank you, Dean. Thank you so much.”

He patted Cas’s back and pulled away. “Yeah.”

For a moment Cas looked strangely sad before he nodded and took another step away from Dean. “I… I should go. I'll call or text when I find something… and I promise I'll be careful.”

“Us, too. And, uh… you can text or call just because, if you want.”

Cas gave him a quick look before he nodded and vanished in a flurry, dancing and whirling leaves left in his wake.

Dean sighed and just stared at the empty space Cas once occupied. He chuckled mirthlessly and shook his head. “Alright, that’s enough,” he said to himself. It was time for Dean to move on. There was a voice that protested, considering he never even really got the chance to have anything to move on from. But he needed to accept that he fucked up and it was time to let Cas go. Because Cas had someone else, had found love. And Dean was just going to have to live with it, like he did with all of his mistakes.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

“Do you need to work or be anywhere, or do you have some free time, Mick?” Cas asked as he hovered behind him, watching how he wrote something on his laptop. He was in a much better mood since his conversation with Dean. He was glad they could still be friends and Dean was going to give Mick a chance. Cas was sure Dean would like him, when he finally opened up to Mick.

Mick turned to look up at him. “You alright, love?”

Cas cupped Mick's cheek, for a moment just getting lost in the warm and happy smile that was mirrored in Mick's eyes. "Yes, very much so. I had a conversation with Dean and we were able to talk things out. I feel very relieved. But that's not what I wanted to talk about."

Mick swiveled in his chair to face Cas fully. He waved at his lap for Cas to sit. “I’m glad to hear that. So what did you want to talk about?”

Cas ignored the invitation to sit and pulled Mick up from his chair instead. "Not so much talk as I wanted to kidnap you." 

“That right? And where are you kidnapping me to?”

“What was your home address again?” Cas asked with a smirk.

Mick chuckled. “Honestly, love, I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than show you around London, but I’ve got to be at HQ in two hours.”

Cas gave him the puppy eyes he learned from Sam. "Two hours is a lot of time to visit the bedroom at your house and have sex."

“Well, when you put it like that… One eighty seven Clapham High Street, London.”

Cas pulled Mick into his arms and dropped a kiss on his nose as he spread his wings and made the jump to London. The sun was slowly rising in the east, painting the old buildings in red and orange hues, the streets were practically empty, except for a man opening his newspaper shop.

Mick groaned in appreciation as he took in a deep breath. “Never realized how much I missed home.”

Cas pointed at the light brick house behind them. "This is your home?"

“Sure is. Little one bedroom flat, but it suits me.” Mick grabbed Cas’s hand and pulled him toward the front door. “You ever seen the film, 'Help'?”

Cas shook his head. "No, why?"

He chuckled. “It’s why I chose this place. Kind of reminded me of John Lennon’s flat.” Mick opened the door and the entryway was surprising. An elegant decor, soft greys, whites, and yellows from the white tiles to the various chic and rather nice looking decorations. The mini grand piano located in the room to the left of the entryway was the only black he could see. 

“Do you play?” Cas asked when he was taking in Mick’s home with an awed feeling in his chest. They were going to live here when everything was over. And for the first time in his life, he couldn’t wait for that to happen, to start their life together.

Mick smiled and sat on the piano bench, carefully opening the lid. Without hesitating, he began to play, 'Claire de Lune' by Debussy. 

Cas patiently listened until the last note faded away before he drew Mick into a deep and passionate kiss, murmuring, "You have no idea how much I want to feel you right now."

“All part of my evil plan. Lure you in with the rough and tumble, get you to stay for the classical training.” Mick hummed as he pulled Cas in for another kiss.

Cas smiled, and pulled Mick up and into his arms, slowly starting to unbutton his shirt. "Your evil plan worked then."

Mick waggled his eyebrows as he guided him through the apartment to his tastefully decorated bedroom. “Then I guess you’re stuck with me.”

Cas chuckled as he pulled Mick closer by the belt loop of his pants and unbuttoned them. "I couldn't wish for a better place to get stuck."

“I love you, Castiel.” Mick cupped his face and gave him a serious look, one rife with sincerity. “I never thought I’d feel like this again. I never imagined being able to love again. Not like this.”

It felt like a wave of pure happiness coursed through his body, making his heart stutter in that moment. "Mick..." He leaned forward for a soft kiss. "I feel exactly the same. I love you. You make me incredibly happy, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

Mick smiled softly and nodded. “So, you’re okay living with me in a cramped little flat in a noisy city?”

"I doesn't matter where we are. You're my home." Cas walked Mick back to the bed. "And cramped is good. It means I have a perfect excuse to be close to you at all times."

“I’ll hold you to that, love.” Mick undid Cas’s tie and pulled it through the collar. 

Cas loved when Mick called him that. It always caused the butterflies in his stomach to dance. He carded his fingers through Mick's hair before he leaned forward and kissed along his ear and throat. His fingers wandered under his open shirt as he slowly pulled it off, letting his fingers slide sensually over Mick's skin. He left goosebumps in his wake, and he loved the shiver running through his lover's body. “Lay down. Let me take care of you.”

Mick let himself fall onto the bed and shuffled his pants off. When he was divested of all clothing, he smiled up at Cas. “How do you want me?”

Cas removed the rest of his clothes, carefully folding his pants at the side of the bed so the contents he planned to give to Mick later wouldn’t fall out of the pocket. “Turn around and lie on your stomach. Just relax.”

He fished the lube out of his discarded trench coat pocket and knelt next to Mick on the bed. When Mick was comfortable, he moved to straddle his legs, bracing his hands on Mick’s shoulders, before he started to massage him. 

“Bloody hell,” he murmured in a muffled groan against his pillow. 

Cas couldn’t help but smile, feeling Mick’s body slowly relaxing under his hands. He leaned forward to nuzzle the nape of his neck, dropping kisses and using his lips to trail down his vertebrae while he massaged down Mick’s sides. He used his grace to help the process, warming up his muscles and relaxing them as his hands wandered lower, kneading Mick’s ass. Cas could feel himself getting hard just by touching Mick this way, listening to the contented noises he made.

“Love, you keep that up, I’m going to knock out.”

Cas chuckled and opened the tube of lube, spreading it generously on his fingers before he warmed the liquid up with his grace. “Pretty sure that will change now.” He spread Mick’s cheeks and started rubbing the lube over his rim before he slowly worked into him with one finger.

Mick arched up into the touch with an ardent groan. “Fuck, I bloody love you.”

Cas’s cheeks were hurting from how much he smiled. He loved having Mick like this. He loved that he could take care of him and that Mick trusted him so. He took his time working him open, first with one and then two fingers. When he pushed a third finger in, Mick was rocking eagerly against him, and Cas knew he was ready. He carefully removed his fingers, kissing his back breathlessly. “Turn around. I want to see you.”

Without missing a beat, Mick rolled over and pulled Cas in for a fiery kiss. It was intoxicating, and bizarrely intense that no matter how many times they kissed, it still felt new and exciting. 

Cas tangled his fingers in Mick’s hair to hold him close with one hand, while the other lined himself up before he pushed into the tight heat. He moaned into Mick’s mouth as he bottomed out, halting his movement for a moment to enjoy the feeling of being surrounded and completely and intimately connected to his lover. He pressed his forehead against Mick’s before he looked at him, his voice barely above a whisper from the overwhelming moment, “I love you so much.”

Mick nodded and pressed a surprisingly gentle kiss to his lips. “If I die tomorrow, my life will have been well spent because of you.”

Cas gave him a soft smile as he slowly started to move on top of him. “You can’t die tomorrow, we already made plans, remember?” He grinned and kissed him playfully behind his ear, the place he had learned Mick was very sensitive.

Mick let out a gasp of pleasure as Cas started moving a little faster, getting a little deeper. “How could I forget?” he breathed out.

Cas pulled him into another kiss, licking deep into Mick’s mouth and swallowing his moan as he picked up the pace of his thrusts. He loved how Mick was losing it under him, arching his back and rocking his hips in tandem with his thrusts to get more friction, more connection, more  _ everything. _

Cas knew he would never get enough of this.

“Use… use your grace to make me feel what you feel,” he gasped out, almost begging... pleading.

Cas nodded breathlessly, sliding two fingers over Mick’s forehead as he pushed every sensation, every ounce of pleasure he was feeling into him. He closed his eyes for a moment as he felt Mick’s soul reaching out, open and warm, a light he just wanted to lose himself in. It was overwhelming.

“Bugger me!” He cried out in pleasure as he succumbed to the onslaught of sensation, and came untouched.

Cas followed right after, not able to stop it even if he wanted to. He leaned forward, kissing Mick as he came deep inside of his lover. He was still breathing hard when he came down from his high and looked at Mick in awe. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to how overwhelmingly amazing this feels.”

Mick chuckled a little breathlessly. “Well, I look forward to doing this enough to get you used to it.”

Cas mirrored his smile, trading a few more lazy and playful kisses with Mick before he slowly pulled out and cleaned them up with his grace. “Stay right where you are. I have something for you.”

“If it’s brekkers in bed, I’ll bloody marry you.” Mick chuckled again as he crossed his arms behind his head and smiled.

Cas tilted his head as he gave Mick a confused look. “What is ‘brekkers’?” 

“Breakfast,” he clarified with an eyebrow waggle.

Cas smiled and kissed Mick’s nose. “I can get you breakfast after I give you the gift.”

“How did I get lucky enough to find you?”

“I could say the same.” Cas smiled before he reached over to his pants on the floor to fish the small box out of the pocket. He hid it in his fist as he returned to Mick’s side. “Remember when I had to look for a few angels to find out how far they are on their search for Kelly? Since I have my wings again, it was pretty easy to find a few I still count as friends for information. I travelled to Australia, Asia, practically all around the world; and all the time that I was away from you, I thought about you. So I collected stones that reminded me of you.” He took in a deep breath and bit his lower lip before he showed Mick the box. “Like obsidian for the color of your hair, a chrysocolla gem from Peru that reminded me of your eyes, a ruby that reminds me of your patience and passion. I used my grace to compress all of those stones into this.” He slowly opened the box and handed Mick the ring he had made. “I’m aware what this gift means for humans and… I wanted to give this to you as a promise to stay with you for the rest of our lives.”

Mick stared at the ring for a moment, seemingly speechless. He carefully ran his fingers over the individual stones and finally looked up. His green eyes stood out even more from the shimmering of unshed tears. “I don’t know what to say.” He put the ring on his left ring finger and cupped Cas’s face. “I can’t wait to spend my life with you.”

Cas smiled brightly at him, his nervousness vanished completely when they kissed again, and he knew this was the happiest moment of his life.

**…. :::: :::: …..**

Mick had been going off script as far as the organization was concerned, which is why he wasn’t all that surprised that he’d been called into HQ. He just hoped at worst he’d be sent back to London, similar to Lady Bevell’s fate, for his transgressions.

When he entered the briefing room, Mr. Ketch  – the bastard  –  was there looking through some folders. 

“Ketch. Why’d you call me here?”

Arthur looked at Mick with a mildly neutral and bored expression as he said, “Oh, I didn’t.” He dropped the folder onto the table as Dr. Hess, the stern matriarch of Kendrick's, the Men of Letters Academy, appeared from the other room. She was a woman who was just as cold and unfeeling as the weather from the country she called home.

“Mr. Davies,” she greeted with a superior air.

“Dr. Hess. I didn’t think you left London.” Mick hoped his nervousness wasn’t apparent, considering this couldn’t be good news. In his entire time as a Man of Letters, Dr. Hess had never ventured outside of London, or really the halls of Kendrick’s Academy. The fact that she was here, in a small town in Kansas, likely did not bode well. Whatever brought the elder here, Mick knew one thing for certain: he was in a fuck load of trouble.

Dr. Hess’s expression went from neutral to one of disdain as she said, “I don’t.” The woman drew closer, just as imposing and terrifying as she was when Mick was a child. “But I have been tasked by the other elders to fix this rapidly deteriorating situation.”

“Ma’am, please. I’m –”

“Are you about to tell me that you are doing the best that you can?” Dr. Hess regarded him with a quirked brow as she circled him, like a bird of prey. “Your reports have been lax, late, and missing information. It has come to our attention that one of the causes of this is an ill-advisable relationship that has arisen between you and the Winchesters’ angel lap dog.”

Mick swallowed and nodded. What the hell was the point of denying it? Knowing Ketch, the bastard probably filmed them together.

“In fact, it appears that you have little to no control over anything these American hunters are doing.” She adjusted her lapel and fixed him with another stern expression. “You were given one simple task: to enlist a pack of American dogs to continue the good work our people do. The numbers of willing participants is abysmal, and there still appears to be a number of these hunters who are not cleaning up their own messes. Messes Mr. Ketch has had to take care of.”

The way Arthur smirked, Mick would have had no qualms about smashing his face in with a pair of knuckle dusters. It was fascinating how this woman could make grown men behave like bloody children. 

“Let me explain…”

“Explain what, Mr. Davies? Explain that, instead of doing your job, you’ve been spending your time aiding an angel in his search for the spawn of Lucifer?”

_ Shit.  _ Mick’s eyes widened;, he’d been careful to avoid including those details in his reports, because he knew what the expectations of, not only their resources, but the focus of the implementation of their chapter in America, was supposed to be. It wasn’t that he wanted to keep the Men of Letters out of the loop, but… for Castiel’s sake, he wanted to get a little more information before those reports were made; hoping to find a quiet, unspoken way to make the problem go away without upsetting his boyfriend. 

Dr. Hess gave him a rueful smile. “You didn’t think we’d find out about that? Mr. Davies, I do believe you need to reevaluate where your loyalties lie. Is it with the organization that took you in when you had nowhere to go? Or is it to an angel you regularly allow to bugger you?”

The woman didn’t often use crude language; it was a rarity and usually in direct response to a dire and severe situation. Mick sighed and shook his head. “My loyalty is to you.”

“Good,” she snipped as she nodded to Mr. Ketch, who withdrew an angel blade from his coat pocket. 

Arthur stepped forward and held it out to Mick, who shook his head in bemusement as he addressed Dr. Hess, “I don’t understand.”

Without missing a beat, she simply said, “You need to prove your allegiance. So, when you return to the angel, you will kill him, then return here to provide a detailed account of the Nephilim situation. Am I understood?”

It was like the wind had been knocked out of him. Mick toyed with the ring Castiel had given him, presently on his ring finger, staring at the blade still being held out for him to take. In the time he had spent with Castiel and the American hunters over the past few weeks, Mick had slowly begun to see the value in the way they viewed the world. Which wasn’t the strict black and white that the Code adhered to, but one in which there were shades of grey that complicated matters.

And while in his lifetime, Mick had killed someone he loved for the damnable Code… the thought of doing it again… to someone who had made him feel love for the first time in years. Years upon years… Mick let out a shaky exhale and shook his head. “No. I won’t kill him.”

Dr. Hess and Ketch were both taken aback by his tiny rebellion. The scowl on the older woman’s face really showed her age as she warned, “Be careful, Mr. Davies.”

“No,” Mick said, unsure what was coming over him, but feeling a surge of bravery because of, and for, the angel he had fallen irretrievably in love with. 

“I wasn’t asking you, Mr. Davies. It was a command. One which you need to obey. This angel of yours will be killed, in accordance with the Code. And you, as well as the Winchesters, will be investigated like any rebellious hunters. And if found guilty, executed.”

Mick scoffed and shook his head. “‘If?’  _ If  _ we’re found guilty?” He took a deep breath before he continued, “My entire life with the Men of Letters, I never broke a rule. And yes, at first I was shocked at how Sam, Dean, and Castiel operate. What your reports and documentation don’t mention is the lives they’ve saved, monsters they've destroyed, and outcomes made better, not because of the Code, but because of their sense of what’s right.”

“And that is the crux of the matter. The Code is not a suggestion. It’s an absolute. The Code is what separates us from the monsters. And make no mistake, Mr. Davies. Your chosen paramour is exactly that. A monster.” She shook her head and pursed her lips in annoyance. “The Code is the order by which we all live.” 

The strength he found as he said a soft and defiant, “No,” was invigorating. Not again. This woman was not about to force him to put the stupid, archaic Code before someone he loved. Mick would find Castiel and convince him to run away with him, somewhere the Men of Letters could never reach them. With a steadying breath, Mick looked Dr. Hess in the eye and said, “The Code is what makes a young boy kill his best friend.”

For the first time in his entire life, the woman before him let her facade falter for a fraction of a second. Whether it was surprise that he was continuing to stand up to her, or displeasure that he would imply anything so heinous as to blame her for the death of a child, Mick would likely never know. Instead, he used her temporary silence to tell her that he was done. With her, with the Code, with the whole bloody lot of them. 

Mick stood up straight and said, “When I was a child, I had nothing. I owed you everything, and I obeyed. But I’m a man now, Dr. Hess, and I can see the choices, and I choose to do the right thing.”

He should have heard the gun being cocked. And he really should have known better than to turn his back to Arthur Ketch. But the worst part of it all? Was the fact that he didn’t even get the chance to tell Castiel goodbye.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_ Mick: I’ve been sent back to London. They discovered our relationship and have ordered me to stop seeing you. I’m sorry. Please don’t try to contact me. _

Cas stared at the text message for a long moment before he read it again. Even the second time around it didn't make any sense. 

He frowned at his phone before he texted back. 

_ Cas: I want you to tell me in person. _

Because whatever was happening, he needed to see Mick. He could only imagine he was forced to send this. Mick would never do this to him. Not after what happened between them a few hours earlier.

When the reply didn't come, he called Mick's number, anxiously biting his lower lip while waiting for him to pick up. A female voice responded,  _ "The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected." _

“What?” Cas stared at his phone before he dialed again, only hearing the same message. Something wasn’t right. He pocketed his phone and flew back to the bunker, landing directly in front of Dean, who startled so much that he dropped his bottle of beer. 

Cas caught it before it could smash on the ground and gave it back to Dean as he stated, “I need your help.”

“What’s goin’ on?” Dean asked, his brow furrowed in concern as he braced a hand on his shoulder.

Cas fished his phone out of his pocket and showed the text message to Dean. "His line is disconnected. I don't know what to do. I know where their headquarters are, but if I just storm in... they know how to defend themselves against angels. I will need backup."

At that, Dean’s expression changed from one of concern, to one of sympathy. “Dude. I mean… You read the message, right?”

Cas frowned, not understanding what Dean was getting at. "Yes. He was clearly forced to write this, or someone else did. Mick would never do this to me, especially since... Something must have happened to him." 

The way Dean winced was not reassuring. “Are you sure he didn’t get cold feet? And, I mean, it’s clear as day in the text, Cas. He was told by his boss to end things.”

Cas shook his head. "But he wanted..." He stopped again, noticing how desperate he sounded before he shook his head again, trying to calm down. "Dean, please trust me. I know him. I'm telling you, this isn't him. He would never give up on me."

“Cas, buddy… I…” Dean sighed and patted his shoulder. “Breakups suck, but you’ve gotta respect that he doesn’t want you to contact him.”

"He didn't break up with me!" Cas yelled at Dean. "Why aren't you hearing what I'm saying? Only hours before he had to go to this appointment, we were planning our future together. There is no way that those are his words." 

Dean took a step back from him, hands raised in surrender. “I’m hearin’ what you’re saying! And dude, I’m sorry, but those fucks love their damn rules. If dating you was a no-no, then maybe he’s just trying to make it easier on the both of you. I’m… I’m sorry, Cas.”

Cas stared at Dean, his lips pressed into a thin line as his eyes started to burn. He swallowed dryly against a lump in his throat before he pressed out, “So you’re not going to help me?”

“Hey, hey, that’s not what I said. But how fucking stupid is it gonna look if we charge in there, guns blazing, and it’s ‘cause you refused to accept he broke up with you? Now, on the off chance you’re right, they’re probably gonna be expecting that, don’t you think?” Dean sighed and finished with a firm, “Don’t you think it’s smarter to try and figure shit out first?”

“How?” Cas asked quietly. He couldn’t look up at Dean, his worry for Mick was driving him crazy.

“Look, I’ll call Mom, or Sammy; he’s been working with those fucks. Maybe they can try and get ahold of Mick. Will that help?”

“Yes,” Cas replied, trying to sound calm. “I just want to know if he is okay.”

Dean nodded and pulled out his cell phone. “Okay, alright. Just… gimme a sec.” He pulled his phone to his ear as he stepped out of the library to finish his call. The endeavor was likely meant with good intentions, but Dean always forgot that Cas had superhuman hearing.

_ “Yeah, Sammy. Just, uh… Can you get ahold of Mick? Cas got a Dear John text, and now he’s convinced something bad happened. Yeah… yeah. Thanks.” _

Cas wasn’t surprised that Dean still believed Mick had just broken up with him. Of course he would think that. It wasn’t like he trusted Cas’s instincts, or him in any capacity for that matter. In Dean's eyes, Cas was probably just a baby in a trenchcoat who couldn’t look after himself and always messed up. It would make sense to Dean to think Mick broke up with him, because who would want him as a romantic partner?

But Cas knew better. He knew Mick wanted this life with him more than anything. He remembered the promises, every sweet word of reassurance and love coming from his lover, open and without holding anything back. He knew Mick loved him, and just because this was something unimaginable for Dean, didn't make it less true.

When Dean returned, he slipped his phone back into his jeans pocket. “Sammy’s gonna try and reach him.”

Cas nodded and chewed his lower lip. “Arthur Ketch, he is working with Mary, right? Could you ask her, too? Mr. Ketch is most likely to know where Mick is.”

The way Dean’s lips curled downwards in disdain was clear he didn’t really want to call his mother, but he nodded and pulled his phone out again. He held the phone to his ear and waited, looking at Cas with a helpless shrug. “She’s not answering.” After a beat, he clearly left her a message. “Mom. It’s Dean. Call me when you get this.”

After putting his phone away for the second time, Dean shrugged and looked at Cas. “That’s the extent of my abilities. Unless there’s something else you need me to do?”

Cas had a weird feeling in his stomach. “Something isn't right. I can't just sit around and wait for them to call back. What if they have imprisoned him?” He tried to avoid imagining something more horrible. “I need to find him. They have a private plane. Is there a way you can find out where it is, or when it's flying to London?”

“I’m not much of a hacker, but I can give it a shot,” he said as he moved to sit at one of the tables, pulling open his laptop. After several painstakingly long minutes, Dean sighed and shook his head. “No private charters in or out of the local airports. Not even the small ones. But… I mean, how do you know they didn’t fly him home coach? You know… as punishment or something.”

“I could go and wait at his house,” Cas murmured more to himself before he looked up. “Please call me if you hear anything.”

Dean reached out and gently grasped him by the forearm. “Cas. What if… I know you don’t want to think about it. I know you don’t want it to be real, but what if he did want to end things? What if he made his choice? What? Are you gonna beg him to change his mind?”

Cas sighed and shook his head. "Of course not, Dean. I would respect his wish if it were true. But I won't believe it until he says it to my face." He huffed out a mirthless laugh. "I know it's hard to believe, but Mick loves me. He asked me to move to London with him, and I asked him to spend his life with me. And he said yes. Despite everything, he has always been open and truthful with me. He has never held anything back, or made a secret out of our relationship. He fought for our relationship from the start, and this text message just doesn't make any sense to me. I just know this isn't him. "

Dean looked at him with a slightly shocked expression, but what came out of his mouth was not what Cas expected. “You really think I’d find it hard to believe someone could fall in love with you?” He shook his head and stood up. “I’ll call if I hear anything.”

Cas sighed and tried to get the tension out of his back as he spread his invisible wings into the room, getting ready to leave. "I don't know what you think, Dean. The only thing I know is that Mick loves me. He was never afraid to show me... Thank you for your help. I'll wait in London for his arrival."

That was met with a scoff as he shook his head and walked towards the kitchen. “Good luck.”

It didn't sound very genuine, but Cas had more important things on his mind than to talk things out with Dean. Of course, he knew Dean was referring to the kiss, although Cas had tried to forget about that incident. He wasn't even sure what Dean hoped to gain by kissing him. Dean couldn't even share a hug in front of strangers without feeling uncomfortable. Not that it mattered. Dean’s hurt feelings were the least of his problems right now.

Cas beat his wings to fly to Mick’s flat. It was empty, but he didn’t expect Mick to be there. It would take a long time to fly here. Probably a day until he would arrive home. He let his hands slide over the piano with a wistful smile, remembering the melancholy notes of longing in the way Mick had played the song for him.

He slowly went up the stairs and to the bed they had spent time in not that long ago. The sheets were still rumpled, covers close to slipping off the bed. The pillow smelled of Mick when Cas rested his head on it. He hoped Mick was okay. Maybe they had threatened them, and he was just trying to protect him? Maybe Mick had already planned to contact him in secret so they could run away together? 

He wished Mick would pray to him.

Cas waited for two hours before he got anxious and started to pace. He usually had more patience. He was used to waiting for hours for Dean and had never had any problem with it. But now? He had to do something. So he called Sam.

“Cas?” Sam answered, clearly sounding confused. “What’s up?”

"Hello, Sam. I'm just calling, um, have you heard anything from Mick, yet?"

“No, I let Dean know I talked to Ketch. He, uh… he said that Mick went back to London.”

Cas frowned, thoughtfully. "So he is already on his way to London?" Maybe Dean had been right and they really had sent Mick on a commercial plane instead of the private one.

“That’s how he made it sound. I’m, uh… shit, Cas. I’m really sorry.”

Cas shook his head. "There is no need. I know that Mick didn't mean it. They probably forced him to send that text."

“Yeah, maybe. If, uh… if you’re not allowed to date or whatever, he was probably just told to send that to close the chapter or something. They’re, uh… they’re not real easy-going on the supernatural. It wouldn’t surprise me if there’s strict rules about relationships with… you know… non-humans.”

Cas sighed deeply. Sam was probably right. Somehow it made him feel calmer. Because now he was sure that Mick would come to him and tell him that he would leave the Men of Letters to be with him. "I'm sure that's it. That he'll just come home tonight and tell me that he never meant to send the text. That he was forced.” After a moment of silence he added, “I just wish I knew where he is right now. I’m worried.”

“Sure, Cas. I bet. Well, I’ll let you know if I hear anything else, seeing as Dean didn’t pass on the message.”

"Thank you, Sam. I appreciate your help." Cas ended the phone call and stared at his phone, wondering why Dean hadn't passed on Sam's message. He knew he had hurt Dean's feelings, but he couldn't imagine Dean ignoring him because of this.

But what did he know? Dean had never made a secret out of his dislike for Mick. Maybe Dean was happy that Mick was out of the picture, just like he had wanted.

Cas paced back and forth in Mick's bedroom again before his gaze fell on a photograph. Moving to examine it closer, he realized it was a picture of Mick being held by a man Cas didn't know. 

Mick had never told him much about the man he had loved before him. Cas just knew that his name was Aidan and that he had died. He was the reason Mick carried so much sadness in his heart. Cas wanted to take that sadness away, the same way Mick had helped him through the pain he had felt because of his feelings for Dean.

He let his fingers slide over Mick's features before he put the picture back on the shelf. It had only been a few hours, not even half a day since he had seen Mick. Why was he missing him so much? Why was his heart aching?

It would only be a few more hours and Mick would come through that door and hug him. He would be happy to see him and would explain everything to him. How they forced him to do it and that he couldn't reach him, and that he hoped Cas would turn up at his house so they could plan to start somewhere new.

Hours went by, and he heard nothing but the quiet ticking of the clock in the kitchen. He had calculated every flight time possibility, Mick getting stuck in traffic on his way home, or having to wait for another flight. In a few of those scenarios, Mick would have been home by now.

Cas paced for another hour before he sat on the bed again and tried to close his eyes. He tried to remember how Mick’s skin felt under his fingertips. He would take him on this bed again as soon as he explained everything and kissed him senseless.

He had no idea what woke him up the next day. He felt disoriented because he had fallen asleep. “Mick?”

As he slowly stood up, Cas couldn’t help but take note of the quietness of the flat, almost deafening. 

He checked his phone. 

_ Dean: Mick never hopped a flight out of Kansas, so unless he was tight with another angel who could give him a ride, I think you might be right. _

Cas’s heart clenched painfully as he dialed Dean's number.

“Cas, dude. I think you’re right. Hate to say it, but… something’s up. And all of Mom’s phones are dead. I’m, uh… Shit, dude, I’m sorry I doubted you.”

Cas had already spread his wings, arriving to the bunker by the time Dean finished that sentence. "He isn't home, Dean."

The moment he said those words tears suddenly fell from his eyes and he was shocked at himself. He wiped them away with a frown before he gave Dean a confused look. "Sorry, I... I waited for so long. I... don't know..." 

He wasn’t expecting to be suddenly pulled into an embrace. “Dude, it’s fine. We’ll find him. I promise.”

Cas hadn't realized how much he needed Dean's support until he got it. He tightened his grip around Dean, pressing his face against his shoulder. Cas wanted to believe Dean's words. That Mick was fine. But something in his heart feared that it wasn't true. "Thank you, Dean," he murmured.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said as he patted Cas’s back and drew back. “We’ll figure this out, okay? Sammy’s on his way here so we can… I don’t know… try and figure out the next step. Mick didn’t board any planes in the local airports, so… He’s gotta be here, right? Maybe in that lockdown you were telling me about?”

"How do you know he didn't leave on an airplane?" Cas asked quietly, thinking about their options. "If he's really here, he might still be imprisoned at their headquarters. We should get Sam, go there, and not take no for an answer."

Dean rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. “I got geared up in my FBI suit and questioned every airline after you bailed.”

Cas stared at him in surprise. He immediately felt guilty about his thoughts earlier, and at the same time incredibly thankful that Dean was now supporting him in his search for Mick. "I don't know how to thank you," he finally breathed out.

“Don’t thank me yet. I wasn’t able to find him. If… if they’re keeping him locked up there, maybe…” Dean sighed and looked down at his phone. “Maybe we should enlist as many hunters as we can.”

Cas nodded before he gave Dean a worried look. "What about Mary? Any word about where she might be?"

At that Dean’s expression turned bereft. “No. No idea. Ketch said she’s on a hunt, but… I really don’t trust that fucker. Especially since he’s the one that said Mick was on his way to London. Something ain’t right. And… I’m sorry, Cas.”

Cas shook his head. "I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have been so harsh... I'm just very worried, and I feel like it's driving me crazy not knowing what happened."

“Hey, I get it. If it were you, I’d probably be losing it, too. But we’re gonna find him and you’ll get your apple pie life, if it’s the last thing I do. Okay?”

Cas took in a deep shuddered breath as he nodded, trying to give Dean a reassuring smile. It was really nice to hear Dean say that, to finally have his support for his relationship with Mick. He hadn't admitted to himself until now how much it meant to him.

It was also nice to hear that Dean would worry about him too. "If they hurt Mick in any way, I will smite the living daylights out of those people."

“And we’ll help you. But first, I need to make some phone calls. Why don’t you… I don’t know, go into the map room. Make a map of their headquarters, seeing as you’ve got angel memory on your side.”

Cas nodded and instantly went to work. He was glad he finally felt like he could do something. He had no idea if drawing the map would help them, but at least it was taking his mind off of all the things that his imagination came up with concerning Mick. After he found him, he would remind Mick again that he was an angel and Mick should just pray to him when he was in danger. "I'm finished, Dean," he yelled, as he put down his pencil and looked over the map.

Dean came in a few minutes later, saying goodbye to someone on the phone. “Just talked to Jody. She’s gonna wrangle some other hunters that are sick of the limeys, and head this way. I’m thinking we’ll have a good six or seven people.” He looked down at the map and nodded. “This is great, Cas.”

Cas pulled his angel blade out of his sleeve and twirled it around with a determined expression. "Good. They will learn what it means to go against our family. Let's bring them down."

Dean chuckled and braced his hand over the blade. “Whoa, there, Doc. We’ve still gotta plan, and wait for the others.”

“When will they be here?” Cas asked, feeling antsy.

“Sam should get here in the next hour, I’m guessing a couple of hours for the rest of them.” Dean gave him a reassuring nod and added, “We’ll find him. I promise.”

Cas started pacing again, chewing his lower lip before he asked. "I could bring Sam and the others to us if you tell me where they are."

“Cas, buddy, you’ve gotta try and calm down. I know you’re worried about your boyfriend, but if you randomly appear and kidnap all the people who agreed to help us, they might not be willing to help us anymore.”

Cas tilted his head. "I would ask nicely."

Dean sat down in one of the chairs and pointed to one across from him. “Sit. Take some deep breaths. Work on a plan to infiltrate their HQ, and by the time they get here, we can get going.”

Cas sat down next to Dean, trying to do exactly what Dean had told him. He took a few deep breaths and pulled the map in front of him, coming up with a battle strategy. This was what he was good at. And keeping his mind focused would help him get through this. 

He had to believe that everything would be fine. That he would see Mick again and he would wrap his arms around him, tell him how much he loved him. Maybe they could go to Australia.

He stared at the map for another five minutes without seeing anything. "How many people did you say are coming?"

“Don’t know for sure. Maybe eight or ten of us in total, including you and me.”

Cas nodded. "We should split up, eight of us can attack the front, creating a diversion. Two sneak in from behind, removing the patrol on the roof and disabling the security system so the others can come in. I would be in the team that goes in through the back, because I can quickly get to the roof."

“I’ll go with you; Sammy can lead the charge,” he said thoughtfully.

Cas gave him a quick smile. “Thank you. I hoped you would be at my side.”

Dean returned the smile and nodded. “Always.”

It was the first time Cas felt hopeful again. Dean had his back. They could do this. He just had to believe.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Because Cas had his wings back, he was able to teleport them to the roof of one of the shipping containers that comprised the British bastards’ headquarters. Cas kept himself and Dean cloaked, to avoid being spotted by the sniper perched about twenty feet away from them, poised and aiming at the gate where Sam and everyone were supposed to show up.

Jody had gotten about twelve other hunters to join them, so with the even larger number, Dean felt fairly confident that they were going to kick the limeys back to London town. The plan was simple, Sam and the rest of them would charge the gate, distract all of the guards enough for Cas to knock out the sniper, and sneak them inside to shut off the power. 

The waiting was what was worst. Which was excessive, considering he and Cas flew to their HQ while they had to wait for the others to pull up in their various trucks and cars. And on top of it, he had to stay quiet as hell, which wasn’t all that easy with the way Cas was breathing against his damn neck. Dean wasn’t particularly ticklish, but maybe it was the combination of their proximity and the importance of the task that made the huffs of anxious breath all the more distracting.

Dean really hoped Mick was okay; not that he liked the guy, or trusted him really, but… for Cas’s sake, he hoped at worst he just had a few injuries that could easily be healed by an angel. Shit, Cas deserved to have things go right for once. To bring home a damn win. 

When he heard his brother bark out the order to charge, Cas sprinted into action. It was kind of amazing to watch. He had forgotten just how badass Cas could be when he was in full-on smite mode. He was on the sniper in half a second, knocking him out cold before nodding for Dean to follow.

Cas disappeared as he jumped from the roof of the container, his trenchcoat flying out around him like a friggin’ superhero. Dean shrugged and followed, realizing too late it was a hell of a jump. Dean slammed his eyes shut and braced for the impact on his shins, but it never came. When he opened his eyes, Cas was nodding to him, clearly having caught him. 

“Thanks, Cas,” he whispered.

"Anytime," Cas whispered back, even giving him a barely there smile.

With a nod, Dean pulled his lockpick kit out and got to work on the lock while Cas watched his back. He carefully pulled open the door and, gun at the ready, made sure the coast was clear. Cas seemed to know exactly where he was going as he quickly darted through the maze of hallways until they reached the room that had the power generator. 

Dean didn’t give a fuck anymore and just started yanking on wires, unplugging machine after machine. Cas held his hand against the plating and suddenly sparks ignited everywhere, and the fluorescent lights over them started to flicker before they went out.

“Cool,” Dean breathed out as he watched the entire place go dark. After a second or two, several red lights turned on. Emergency lights. “Alright, that should give Sammy and Jody the upper hand. Where to?”

"We should check the cells first. If Mick or your mother are here, they are probably there," Cas suggested quietly.

“Lead the way.”

Dean followed as Cas zigzagged through the hallway and down a stairwell that clearly went underground. He thought it was weird that they hadn’t run into a single Brit - that was until he was yanked back, a gun pressed against his head as a creepily familiar voice hissed, “You’re going to lead me out of here.”

That Lady bitch who had tortured Sammy. Dean scoffed and spat, “Just kill me, ‘cause that ain’t happening.”

In under a second, Cas was behind the woman and yanked her back, hitting her head against the wall so hard that she got knocked out. "We don't have time for this." 

Dean chuckled. “My hero?”

Cas gave him another quick smile, but Dean could see how tense he was. He nodded down the hallway. "The cells are behind the door down there."

With a nod, Dean said, “I’ll take the left side; you take the right. I’ll holler if I find either of them.”

After Dean had opened the door, they didn't need long to search. Mary was already hovering over a guard she had knocked out. She looked injured. Cas quickly went up to her to heal her before he asked, “Have you seen Mick?”

Mary shook her head. “No, I found a room with screens of pictures of every single hunter in the country, like some sort of watch list. They’re targeting all of us, and I was about to call you when Ketch caught me. Dean, I’m so sorry. I should have listened to you.”

Dean couldn’t help but smile at his mom. “Hallmark moments can wait. We’re looking for Mick, and we’re getting the hell out of here.”

She nodded and yanked off the guard’s name badge. “Dean, you follow me. Castiel, I’m sure you can open these doors without help?”

Cas nodded tersely before he continued to open the doors on the right side, just by sheer force.

Dean followed his mom as she used the badge to open each door on the left. With every passing door, a sense of dread washed over him at the lack of Cas’s boyfriend. It left him feeling uneasy. When they turned a corner, there was a lone door at the end of the hall that Mary ignored.

“What’s that?”

As she continued opening doors, she said, “Just the morgue.”

Dean halted her and gently took the badge. She nodded her understanding and followed him as he approached the door, holding the badge out with a trembling hand. When the green light turned on and he heard the click of it unlocking, Dean went in first, gun still at the ready in case there were any guards in the morgue.

Thankfully there weren’t. And there were two stiff’s covered in white sheets on two different autopsy tables. Mary carefully approached, and Dean held his breath as she pulled back the first sheet. He let out a sigh of relief to see some random woman he’d never seen before.

But when his mom pulled back the next sheet, Dean shook his head and looked away. It was Mick.  _ Fuck. _ Without even thinking about it, he whistled for his mom to follow him. He had to stop Cas from coming into the room. He made it to the door as Cas appeared. Dean pushed him away, trying to get him away from the door. 

“No, Cas. Just… don’t.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

“No, Cas. Just… don’t.”

For a moment Cas was confused. He had no idea what Dean was telling him before cold dread washed over him. But it couldn't be. They were here to  _ save  _ Mick. "What, Dean? Let me pass! Did you find him?"

Dean’s expression wasn’t making him feel any better. “Cas, just… trust me. You don’t wanna see it.”

Everything tensed up in Cas, his face unmovable as stone as he demanded, "Is it Mick?"

The sheer pain and sympathy in bottle green eyes was all the answer he needed. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

Cas shook his head because there was no way he was too late. There was just no way. He was sure there was something he could do. Maybe Mick's soul was still lingering. He could still bring him back if he hadn't moved on yet. 

He pushed Dean to the side to press past him and into the room, his eyes falling on Mick's lifeless body. 

Despite the air having left his lungs, a gasp managed to escape. He was next to Mick in a second, scanning his body with his eyes when he touched his forehead to search for his soul. "Please," he whispered brokenly. "Still be here somewhere."

The moment he touched his cold skin, he knew the truth. Mick had moved on. But he couldn't stop looking, his hand glowing as he extended his reach. He knew it was hopeless, but he couldn't stop. "No, no, no. Please, don't. Please come back."

Mick's soul wasn't there. Mick was gone. The concept of finality was hard to grasp as he wrapped his arms around Mick and pulled him close, before he sank to his knees with his empty body.

Dean was next to him and he was saying something, but he couldn't hear him. His gaze was on Mick's face, on the bullet hole in his head.

And then the emptiness in him stopped and only left unending rage. He looked up at Dean, his grace flaming up, vision obscured by the crystal blue light of said rage shining through his eyes. "Get everyone out of here, Dean. Now!"

“Cas, what are you –”

"Now!" Cas yelled at Dean as his body started to glow. He would level this building to the ground, and then he would find the bastard who did this to Mick, and he would take his time killing him.

Dean grabbed his mother and, casting one last pointed look in Cas’s direction, fled the room. 

Cas rubbed his finger over Mick's forehead and healed the wound, although it wouldn't do anything. It wouldn't bring him back.

He leaned forward and kissed him, a promise on his lips that he was going to find him again. Cas knew Mick's soul. He knew he was in Heaven. And although Heaven was unreachable for him for now, he would find a way to see Mick again.

As he spread his wings, just to wrap them around Mick, Cas could sense that every soul had left the building by now. He overloaded his grace and burned the whole building to the ground in an outburst of rage and fire. He carried Mick's body out of the dust and flames with a determined look as he reached Dean, who still held his hand up to protect his face against the flames and heat. "Would you help me with..." His voice broke as he choked on his grief. He pushed it down, deep down, and bit his lower lip hard before he finally ended the sentence, "the funeral?"

Dean nodded and moved to open the backseat passenger side door of the Impala. “Yeah, of course.”

Cas sat down in the backseat, pulling Mick's body close to his chest. Mary sat next to him, giving him a sympathetic look. 

Cas didn't know what to feel. Mostly he felt numb; on some level he still expected Mick to just wake up and be here again. He just couldn't imagine a world without him in it.

He tried to focus on the anger. Because the anger felt good; the anger felt safe. He was afraid of the moment he would finally understand that Mick was gone. Cas had died his fair share of times, and the similarities this emotion had to dying was inescapable. The anger was the only thing that was keeping him alive. 

"Ketch lied to us. I think he might be the one who... did this." He gave Mary a determined look. "I want you to tell me everything I need to know to find him." 

Mary nodded. “I overheard something about a hunt in San Antonio, but that was a few days ago. I’m sorry, I don’t know more.”

Cas nodded, trying to think. "Maybe we can lure him out. If his job is to kill other hunters we could trap him. You said there was a wall with hunters they were tracking. Do you remember the names?" 

“It was all of us. But the one listed after Burt was a young woman named Eileen.”

Sam turned around quickly with wide eyes. “Eileen Leahy?” 

“You should call her, Sam,” Cas suggested.

Dean looked at him through the rearview mirror. “Don’t you think he’s gonna expect it, seeing as you just torched his entire base?”

"He might," Cas growled. "But that doesn't mean he isn't going to fulfill his order to kill as many hunters as possible."

Mary sighed and shook her head. “I know how to get him to come.”

Dean and Sam both turned to look at her with bewildered expressions. Before either of them could ask further, she raised her hands to halt them.

“This isn’t the time for judgement. But… he’ll come to me if I ask.”

Cas frowned at her. "I hope you are aware that I'm going to kill him."

Mary scoffed and shrugged her shoulders. “Be my guest.”

Dean sighed and said to Mary, “We’ll talk about that later. For now, I say we get back, pour one out for Mick, then you’ll call him and ask him to pick you up off of Valentine. Make it seem like you got out and need him to come get you. If he asks why you didn’t call us, it's because we wouldn’t pick up after you went MIA.”

Mary nodded. “I can do that.”

Cas tried to imagine everything he would do to the man as his head sank lower and he leaned his forehead against Mick's hair. He closed his eyes for a moment, the only sounds coming from the engine of the car, and the three breathing humans with him. It should have been four.

He couldn't feel a heartbeat under his hands; instead he felt cold, lifeless cells that had started to go stiff. 

When he opened his eyes, there was a streak of wetness running down Mick's cheek, and he needed a moment before he realized it was his own tears on Mick's face. 

The enormity of what had happened was slamming into him like a hammer. He couldn't breathe anymore. He tried to, but it didn't work. It felt like someone was tearing him into a million pieces, and it hurt. He had never felt pain like this in his entire existence. 

He pressed Mick's body closer, needing to desperately cling to him because he was so afraid to let him go. 

Suddenly a warm arm wrapped around him, hushing him in a soft, comforting tone. “Shhh, baby. We’ve got you.”

Cas automatically pressed into the warmth, the heartbeat, the breathing. But his hands were still tightly gripping Mick’s body. He couldn’t see him anymore, his vision completely impaired by tears, and he gasped out, “It hurts. So. Much. I don't know…”

“I know, I know,” she murmured against the crown of his head. “How ‘bout you tell me something about him that made you happy? What did he like?”

Somehow Mary’s words made him cry even more. He tried to think of all the good things, the happy times, but it just reminded him of all the times he wouldn't feel like this anymore in the future. The lost opportunities, a future they had dreamed of that now wouldn't happen. Instead there was a hole in his heart, like an empty black hole that sucked every part of him in, tearing him up.

And then he remembered Mick’s voice, telling him that if he were to die tomorrow, it would still have been worth it.

Cas knew somewhere, beneath under the layers of unbearable pain, that it was true. That feeling of happiness Mick had brought into his life, even if it had been only for a short time, had been worth it. Mick made him stronger, had taught him to believe in himself again.

“He loved classical music because of his mother.” The words came out of nowhere and once he had started, he couldn’t stop. “He even played the piano. He helped people with no home when no one else cared. He tried to teach me rhyming slang, even though I would probably never use it… He believed in me, persistently, even when I didn’t believe in myself. He showed me his affection even with strangers around us, and was not afraid to speak his mind when we got bothered. He loved me… for me.” Cas had to smile, though the tears never stopped falling. “He spoke my language, and he was funny, so funny that he made me laugh all the time. He healed my wings, and he loved the food of his country. He explained references I didn’t get. He let me drive his car everywhere and let me watch over him and… he…” Cas choked again, a new wave of tears starting to fall, “He made me so happy, and I wish… I wish you could have gotten to know him better.”

Mary wrapped her arms around him a little tighter. Her voice was soft as she said, “Oh, Castiel. Me, too.”

The vehicle started slowing and when he looked up, they were pulling up to the bunker. Dean shut off the engine and said, “I’m gonna get a pyre ready.” Before anyone could respond, he was out of the car.

Sam turned to look at Cas, eyes shimmering in sympathy. “I’m gonna go help him, okay?”

Cas nodded before he replied quietly, "Can I stay here for a little while longer? Alone?"

Sam nodded and Mary drew back, patting his shoulder. “Sure, Cas,” Sam said. The two other hunters quietly exited the car.

Cas waited for a few more moments before he carded his fingers through Mick's soft hair. "I know you can't hear me, but there are things I need to say. Because this isn't a goodbye." He shook his head, biting hard on his lip to stop himself from crying again. "I know you're in Heaven. I know you are okay. Probably listening to music, or playing chess with your mentor."

He dropped a kiss to Mick's forehead, taking in a shuddered breath. "I'm going to kill the son of a bitch that took our future away, and then I'm going to find a way to see you again. I promise you."

His fingers tenderly slid over Mick's cold face, his dry lips, his stubble. He remembered the way his eyes sparkled in mischief every time he had laughed. "I miss you," he gasped out. "But I know I'll see you again. Just wait for me."

There was no way of knowing how much time had passed when the door opposite him opened. It was Dean, giving him a sympathetic half smile. “It’s ready whenever you’re ready.”

"I don't think I'll ever be ready," Cas whispered, "but I know it has to be done." He pressed Mick's body closer and exited the car, giving Dean a terse nod.

“Do you want help preparing him?”

Cas's first instinct was to shake his head, but then he nodded reluctantly. "I might. I don't know."

Dean nodded for Cas to follow him. “I set up a table in the garage with everything you need.”

He carried Mick over to the entrance of the garage, feeling strangely numb again. He watched Dean set up a table with a sheet, without really seeing anything. He was just going through the motions as he laid down the body and started to wrap him in the sheet. When he got to his face he turned around, biting his lip so hard it started to bleed. "I... I can't."

“It’s okay, Cas. It’s okay. I can finish if you want?” Dean stepped closer to him before apparently changing his mind and stepping back again, as though he didn’t know what he wanted to do.

Cas just nodded, hiding his eyes behind his hand as he tried to calm himself again. It felt like an impossible endeavor. His rational mind tried to remind him that this was just an empty body, but the emotional part was screaming at him in desperation, that it was Mick. And he needed Mick to come back to him.

Dean proceeded to carefully wrap Mick’s body, ripping some fabric as he tied the sheet closed around his legs. The process didn’t appear to take very long before he turned up to look at Cas. “I’m so sorry, Cas.”

"Dean," Cas breathed out. He didn't know what he wanted to say; he didn't know anything in that moment. He just felt lost.

Without missing a beat, Dean pulled him in for a hug. “I should’ve listened to you.”

Cas pressed his face against Dean's throat, trying to hold on to Dean like a lifeline. "I'm sure that wouldn't have changed the outcome," Cas whispered.

Dean drew back and wiped away Cas’s tears with the pad of his thumb. “I wish I had the kind of words that would make you feel better.”

"Help me find his killer." And there was the anger again. He welcomed the feeling with open arms.

“Anything,” Dean said with a firm nod. “I…” He took a deep breath and pulled out a folded piece of paper. Dean handed it to Cas and quietly explained, “I found this in his stuff when we searched his room. You remember?”

"What is it?" Cas asked as he unfolded it, noticing that it was a letter. "Did you read it?" He looked up at Dean, not daring to read it when he saw it was addressed to him.

Dean nodded. “I did. I wondered if it was… I don’t know, something bad. But it’s… Well… you’ll see.”

Cas looked down again, taking in a deep breath as he started to read the letter. The words transformed into Mick's voice in his mind.

~~_ Dear  _ ~~

~~_ Hello _ ~~

_ Castiel, _

~~_ I was wondering if you’d like _ ~~

~~_ I hope you’re doing well _ ~~

_ I haven’t stopped thinking about you since that day we met. I know this is quite forward considering you don’t know anything about me, but I’m hoping you’d be willing to join me for a drink? _

_ Bloody hell, this is ridiculous. And now I’m writing what I’m thinking.  _ _ You’re the most  _ _ I hope you’re doing well and the Winchesters don’t hold so much of a grudge you wouldn’t consider an olive branch. Or in my case, a grape vine. I’m trying to be witty and I have a feeling you wouldn’t get that. _

_ And I... _

The letter stopped there. Another tear ran from his eyes as he smiled sadly and whispered, "You were right. I don't get it."

The fact that Mick wasn't there anymore to explain the grape vine to him, made his heart break even more.

“He was making a pun. A grape vine makes wine, you know, ‘cause he was asking you out to get a drink?” Dean offered with a soft smile.

Cas looked up at Dean, surprised by him explaining the joke to him. "Oh. Um, thank you. Dean, that's... um..." 

He looked down at Mick's words before he folded the letter and pocketed it in his inner trench coat pocket. Maybe he should just ask Dean the next time he didn't understand something. He noticed Dean was getting more patient with him.

"I think he wrote this before he called me because of the case. We went out for a drink then." Cas smiled softly. "I had no idea he already liked me that much."

Dean nodded. “It’s why I didn’t call you to come back. I was gonna even if we didn’t find anything. Then I found that.”

Cas nodded, taking in a deep breath. "I probably wouldn't have left him even if you had called. By then he already..." Cas smiled again when he remembered their first day and night together. "He surprised me. And he just gave me so much." He shook his head as his eyes started to burn again. "I really wish you could have gotten to know him. I think you would have liked him."

“He made you happy. That’s all I cared about.”

Another tear fell from his eyes, and he purposefully didn't look at Mick's body in that moment. "Yes, he did," he whispered before he took in a few deep breaths and nodded. "Okay... I'm ready."

He walked over to the body and gathered him up into his arms. He tried not to think of how much he would miss kissing him, feeling his body under him or in his arms; the feeling of making love, being connected with each other.

Cas pressed his body closer as he nodded again and followed Dean to the pyre. Mary and Sam were waiting there, but he couldn't look at them. He just carefully put Mick's body on the pile of wood, whispering, "I love you."

He let his fingers slide over Mick's body one last time before he turned around and lit the pyre on fire with a spark of his grace. He walked next to Dean, trying to turn around, but he couldn't.

Dean braced a hand on his shoulder. “Do you want to say anything?”

Cas shook his head. Everything he wanted to say, he had already said. He just slowly turned around and watched the flames take the love of his life away.

The world stopped turning. Colors faded, and he felt that his only chance of happiness was burning away with those embers.

It wasn’t until the sound of a bottle being opened that he was drawn back to the here and now. Sam had appeared with a six pack of beer, cracking them open and handing one to Mary, then Dean. He looked at Cas and held out another bottle as he asked, “Cas?” 

Cas took it with a nod, thinking of the first beer he shared with Mick. 

Dean poured a little out on the concrete. “For Mick, for being the only stand up guy from that shitty organization.”

Sam and Mary followed suit, both pouring some of the beer out on the concrete.

Cas gave Dean a thankful nod before he whispered, "For the man I love. Who gave me strength, happiness... and believed in me... and who I m-miss." He poured the beer on the ground, watching it soak into the ground.

Dean gently stopped the bottle, tilting it back. “It’s to share. Leave some for yourself.”

Cas shivered and nodded, barely keeping it together.

“Would you like us to leave you alone?” Mary asked.

A part of him wanted to say yes, another part was afraid to be alone. He shook his head finally, before Sam stepped next to him and pulled him into a hug. 

The younger Winchester was saying something to him, but he wasn't really listening. The way Sam was squeezing him tight helped more than he imagined. He was grateful for his friends being there for him. He had no idea what he would have done without them.

When Sam pulled back, Cas looked at all of them and murmured, "Thank you. For being here with me."

“It’s what family does.” Sam smiled and patted his shoulder as he drew back. “And if you ever need to talk, I’m always here for you. Because it’s gonna get worse before it starts to get better.”

Cas could imagine it getting worse; not so much the getting better part, though. He gave Sam a barely there smile, thanking him before he looked at his beer. "Maybe later we can find some Hendricks in his honor. He liked that."

“I stole some from Crowley,” Dean said with a soft smile.

Cas nodded as he turned to the fire again, squinting his eyes against the warmth as he got lost in his memories and thoughts.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Dean was attempting to hold Cas back, seeing as Cas couldn't stop punching Ketch's face. When he had finally knocked him to the ground, Cas moved to kneel over him, holding him down so he couldn't get away. The punches then resumed.

“Cas! Jesus!”

Cas stopped, breathing heavily before he turned Ketch around, shoving his face into the dirt, growling at Dean. "Handcuff him!"

“Stop shaking him around like a ragdoll and I will!” Dean barked back as he yanked Ketch’s left arm and quickly cuffed him. As he pulled Ketch back to his feet, Dean took charge of holding him. 

When they approached Mary and Sam, Ketch let out a wet sounding cough before spitting blood on the ground. “Hello, Mary,” he croaked, “this wasn’t the sort of slapping around I was expecting when I got your call.”

Dean slammed Ketch’s head against the trunk of his car. “If you’re smart, you’ll keep your goddamn mouth shut!”

That was met with a dismissive yet choked laugh. “And what? Maybe you  _ won’t  _ kill me?”

"I will kill you. The only question is how slow and painful your death is going to be if I don't get my answers," Cas explained in a cold voice.

“Killing me will be the second biggest mistake you could make today,” he spat as Dean yanked him up again.

"You say that like I care," Cas replied dryly before he stood in front of him. "Two questions. Did you kill Mick Davies, and if yes, why?"

Ketch started chuckling as he quirked his bloody and dirt-covered brow. “I think you should just go ahead and kill me.”

Cas ignored him and just continued, "I thought Mick was your friend?"

“You idiotic American hunters. You don’t make friends; that’s the stupidest bloody thing anyone could do.”

Cas refused to acknowledge that Ketch was succeeding in riling him up, but was unsuccessful when he grimaced before he asked, "So you felt nothing when you shot him?"

Ketch shook his head and laughed again. A hollow and sarcastic sound. “Nice try. It’s like you think I’ve never been tortured for information before.”

Cas chuckled mirthlessly. "I don't need your information. I already know it was you. I'm an angel. I can see your soul, you dumbass. And you don't know what torture is, but you'll find out when you die and go to Hell. Luckily, I have 'friends' in low places. There's already a place reserved for you."

“Well, then. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you just how pathetic he was before I shot him in the head.”

Dean was the one to take action, as he twirled the man around and kneed him in his groin. Cas got a temporary sense of satisfaction when Ketch doubled over and groaned in pain.

Ketch couldn't rile him up with words like that. He knew Mick was brave when he needed to be. "Why did you kill him?" 

“Who?” he asked with a snide smirk.

Cas gave Dean a friendly smile and a nod.

Without hesitating, Dean slammed Ketch’s head against the side of his car before holding him against it. “Did your fancy files on me and my brother tell you guys I spent ten long years being trained by Hell’s highest ranking torture guru? Or that I was the top of my class?” he asked in a falsely pleasant tone.

For the first time, Ketch’s cool mask fell for a mere few seconds as he processed exactly what that meant. And clearly that also meant they did not have those details of Dean’s time in Hell.

Dean snickered and looked to Cas. “What’s the order?”

"You remember the time Heaven recruited you to torture the demon Alastair? Maybe we could take Ketch to the dungeon and you could show him the techniques that worked so well on your former teacher,” Cas replied casually. “Maybe it will jog his memory and he'll suddenly remember who I’m talking about.”

“Done,” Dean spat before he waggled his eyebrows at Ketch.

"Or I could just ask again, and you can answer me right here and now. Why did you kill him?" Cas repeated.

Ketch smirked, which resembled a slightly pained grimace from the starting of bruises on his face. “I was bored.”

Cas rolled his eyes and touched Ketch's forehead, knocking him unconscious. "Let's throw him in the trunk and take him to the dungeon. I'm done asking questions. I just want to make him suffer."

Dean nodded and pulled the unconscious man over his shoulder as he walked him to the trunk. The older Winchester proceeded to apparently make sure he hit Ketch’s head on the car in as many different angles as possible before slamming the trunk closed, his younger brother gently braced his hand on Cas’s shoulder.

“Cas?”

“Yes, Sam?” 

Sam rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “What’s the endgame here?”

Cas tilted his head. "I thought it was obvious. I'm going to kill him."

“So why don’t you just do it? The guy’s not gonna talk.”

"I don't care if he talks or not. He isn't the only one who can answer my questions. But he killed... Mick. He killed the man who made me happy and he took everything from me, Sam. I'm going to make him suffer for that," Cas growled.

Sam sighed and nodded as he looked down. “Alright.”

Dean clapped Cas on the shoulder and smiled, holding out his keys to him. “Wanna drive?”

Cas stared at him before he asked, “You want me to drive your car?” Because he must have misheard.

That was met with a bark of laughter as he placed the keys in Cas’s hand. “Take advantage of my good mood, dude.”

Cas huffed out a disbelieving laugh as he nodded. "Yes, sure." He slid behind the wheel of the Impala with a wide grin, letting his fingers slide over the wheel as he turned to the side and waited for the others to get in.

Dean slipped into the passenger seat while Sam sat behind Cas, Mary behind Dean. Once the three humans had gotten settled, it was Sam who tentatively asked, “So, uh… does that mean Dean doesn’t get to pick the music for once?”

Mary nodded and patted Cas on the shoulder. “Baby’s only rule. Driver picks the music.”

Cas smiled as he fished a tape out of his inner pocket. It was one he had kept from Mick's flat. Mick only had a CD player in his car, but he still used a cassette recorder in his kitchen. It was a mixtape from all of Mick's favorite composers and songs. From the aria ‘Flower duet’ to the modern composer Ólafur Arnalds, it contained everything they had listened to together. He hadn’t listened to it since Mick’s death. Cas turned the tape in his hands before he shook his head and looked at Dean. “Why don’t you pick something?”

Dean chuckled and pointed to the tape. “Looks like you already did.”

“I don't know if I'm ready to listen to it," Cas explained quietly as he pocketed his tape again.

“Yeah, alright.” Dean opened the glove box and popped in a tape.

As the music started playing, Sam groaned, “Not Zeppelin again!”

Dean turned and stared at his brother. “Cas gave me temporary reign.”

Mary pinched the bridge of her nose. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this to two grown men, but: stop fighting with your brother.”

Sam scowled at Dean as the older Winchester poked out his tongue. Mary smacked Dean upside the head.

Cas bit his lip, trying to stop the smile, but he was failing. He turned the key in the ignition and gave Dean a grateful look before he started driving them home, trying to concentrate on the street. 

He had no idea what he would do without his family. Them being here for him, having his back was exactly what he needed right now.

“So do you really want me to pull an Alastair on the guy? I will, but I just wanted to check.”

“No, of course not. You don’t have to do anything,” Cas murmured before he looked at Dean quickly. “You don’t even have to be there.”

Dean smiled. “Whatever you need, man. Want me there, don’t want me there, you just gotta let me know.”

Cas shot Dean a quick look before he said, “I appreciate the offer, Dean but… this could get ugly. The last thing I want is for you to get flashbacks of any kind. The man in the trunk isn't worth you having nightmares, so if you want to skip this part, I would understand.”

Dean fixed him with an unamused expression. “Cas. If I tell you I’m fine with it, I’m being honest. Don’t make this about me. I wanna help. If me not helping is what you need me to do, then you got it. If you want my creativity for that fucker? You got that, too.”

“Alright. Then you are cordially invited. I was just worried and wanted to give you the option, that's all.”

Dean smiled reassuringly. “I made peace with my own demons years ago. Besides, helping you takes priority.”

Cas shot Dean a quick smile. He was glad Dean was on his side for this. Though he hadn’t expected it. “I must confess, I'm surprised. I expected a lecture by now that Kelly should be my priority, and not taking revenge.”

“Well, if it were some random dude, maybe… but… I get it.”

Cas looked up at the rear view mirror to meet Sam’s eyes before he said, “And I'm aware revenge won't bring him back, but it's going to make me feel a lot better if that asshole gets what he deserves. I have so much rage inside of me, and I need an outlet.”

Sam raised his hands in surrender. “I’m not arguing; I was just…” He shook his head and said, “Never mind.”

“What?” Cas urged Sam to continue.

“It’s just… Mick probably wouldn’t want you exacting this level of revenge. He really seemed like a live and let live kind of guy.”

Cas bit his lip for a moment, trying to keep his emotions in check. After a moment, he was surprised by the calmness in his own voice. “You’re right, Sam. Mick probably wouldn’t want me to do this. But on the other hand, Mick also did everything to save others. And if we continue to let this man in the trunk run around freely, he will kill again, maybe destroy someone else's life. He’s a monster.” 

“I’m not arguing, but… Is the torture really necessary?” Sam asked, his voice quiet and hesitant. He clearly didn’t want to upset Cas anymore, but there were clear moral concerns for the younger Winchester.

“Yes, it is,” Cas replied dryly before he looked up at the mirror again. “I hear what you’re saying, Sam, and usually I would agree, but I can’t let this go in this case. I need this.”

“Alright,” Sam said as he sank back against the seat with a sigh.

Dean nodded to Cas and mouthed the word: "hippie". He then winked and proceeded to tap his fingers against the dashboard as he hummed along (off-key) to the song.

Cas smiled softly before he concentrated on driving again. It was nice to know that Dean understood him. They were pretty similar in a lot of ways, and Cas had never been more thankful for that than in this moment.

The drive back to the bunker hadn’t taken long, and after he had parked Dean’s Bbaby in the garage, he gave the key back to Dean with a soft smile. “Thank you for trusting me with your car.”

Dean chuckled and nodded. “I’d say any time, but we all know that’s not true.”

Cas nodded with a low chuckle. “I enjoyed it, and will treasure every moment.” He opened the trunk and lifted the still unconscious Ketch out of it, “accidentally” hitting his head against the car twice in the process. “Oops,” he said dryly before he looked at Dean. “Would you help me secure him in the dungeon?”

“I’d treasure it,” Dean returned as he held the door open for Cas.

“It’s also personal for you, isn’t it?” Cas asked when they arrived in the dungeon, sitting Ketch down on a chair as they started to bind his wrists and ankles with the metal shackles that were secured in the cement floor.

Dean shrugged noncommittally. “While I’m not a fan of the fact he and my Mom hooked up, she’s a grown woman. I know I don’t get a say. But he hurt you, so…”

Cas didn’t know what to say. To know that Dean was about to torture someone just because the man had hurt him was pretty overwhelming. He looked away for a moment before he murmured, “Thank you. You've been there for me since… And I just... thank you, Dean.”

“Now, that I can say ‘any time’ too. You’re my best friend. Hell, you’re family.” Dean smiled and grabbed some rope and a gag. “So, what should we do with him?”

“As soon as we are finished with everything, I'll wake him up. With my fist.” He shrugged slightly. “The rest we can play by ear.”

Dean grinned. “Sounds good to me.” He continued tying Ketch to the chair in the middle of the dungeon, chaining his ankles to the shackles. He slung the gag over Ketch’s shoulder and added some rope around his torso to keep him on the chair. “Alright, Cas. If he can get out of this, the fucker’s Houdini and this whole thing was pointless.”

“He won't be going anywhere except Hell. Crowley promised to give him a nice spot without an ocean view,” Cas said, cracking his knuckles as he made a fist. He tilted his head as he looked at Dean. “Weird that he mentioned that. I know that there are no oceans in Hell.”

That was met with a chuckle. “Who would’ve thought befriending the Kking of Hell would come in handy, huh?”

“I wouldn’t say friends,” Cas replied with a mirrored grin. “More like good acquaintances. But yes, in this case, Crowley was eager to help me out.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Dean laughed and looked at Ketch. “Can I cut his dick off if he says something about Mom?”

“Be my guest,” Cas offered with a smile, before he lunged out with his fist, and punched Ketch so hard that the chair might have toppled over if it hadn’t been secured to the concrete. He felt the bone in the man's nose cracking as Ketch woke up with a pained cry. “Welcome back. I hope you enjoyed the last nap of your life.”

Ketch spat some blood out on the ground and narrowed his eyes at Cas. “Well, at least I got to have one at all,” he returned, clearly implying that Mick didn’t.

“If you’re hoping you can make me angry enough that I will lose it and kill you quickly, I’m sorry to disappoint you,” Cas replied calmly, before he pulled out his angel blade and stabbed Ketch through the back of his hand.

The sharp gasp was less satisfying than he hoped. Ketch clenched his teeth and shook his head. “You should be thanking me. At least I made his death quick and painless.”

Cas stabbed the back of his other hand before he shook his head. "Consider this me thanking you."

“You’re welcome,” he spat. 

"I will be thanking you all night long, slowly peeling the skin off your bones, for quickly and painlessly killing the love of my life. I'm sure you'll also feel my gratitude when you relive this moment over and over for all eternity when you finally arrive in Hell." Cas slowly wriggled his blade out of the back of Ketch's hand, before he cut along the skin randomly.

Ketch barked out a laugh and shook his head. “What are you hoping for, exactly? For me to snivel and beg for mercy? ‘Cos that won’t happen.”

Cas smiled coldly as he started cutting at one of the fingers. “It doesn’t matter what you say or do. I don’t want anything from you other than to torture you to death. It’s inconsequential if you talk, beg, cry or be quiet. I would offer you a way to die quickly but you won’t take it anyway. So I won’t.” He shrugged before he hacked into one of Ketch's fingers, right over the nerve endings.

“Give me the offer, because I’m getting bored and the sooner you kill me, the sooner I can be done hearing you whine and cry over Mick bloody Davies.”

"I don't think so. But I would love to tell you more about Mick. Just because you like hearing about him so much." Cas pressed his blade against the wound on the back of Ketch's hand as he turned around to Dean, who had been surprisingly quiet until now. "Where do you think I should start cutting, Dean?"

Dean drew closer, looking Ketch over with an evaluating expression. “You can cause the most amount of pain with the least amount of damage to his fingertips. That way he won’t die too early on you.”

Cas nodded before he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Do you own a soldering iron? We could cut off parts and use the soldering iron to close the blood vessels. So he wouldn't bleed out."

“Would a regular iron work?”

"I don't know, but we could try at a non-critical area. And if it doesn't work, I could still partially heal him and we could try again. And again. And again." Cas suggested, keeping an eye on Ketch's expression. The guy looked paler than before.

Dean nodded. “Lemme grab it. Anything else you want me to grab? An icepick? We can try out an at- home lobotomy when he’s no longer lucid?”

Cas smiled at Dean. "I like when you get creative, Dean." 

Dean winked at him and clapped a hand on his shoulder before he left the dungeon, leaving Cas alone with Ketch.

The bound man narrowed his eyes at Cas before he nodded. “Now I get it. Good for you.”

Cas sighed and squinted his eyes at him as he cut a small line right under Ketch's eye. "What do you get?"

“Why you’re torturing me. Or  _ trying  _ to.”

"Oh, enlighten me," Cas murmured with a sarcastic tone in his voice as he repeated the same cut under the other eye, smiling when Ketch flinched slightly as the blade came dangerously close to his eyeball.

Ketch hummed thoughtfully and shook his head. “No incentive to do that.”

"Suit yourself. I thought you just liked hearing yourself talk." Cas started to cut above the eye, right under the eyebrow, before he chuckled with an evil grin. "This is where I'm going to cut later. Much later, don't worry. I'm sure you want to watch when I cut off your fingers."

Ketch scoffed. “Tell me, angel? How does it feel? Knowing that no matter how much you torture me, you’ll never be allowed back home? So you’ll never get to see your precious Mick again?”

"You shouldn't worry about when I will see Mick again. You should worry about yourself," Cas replied, catching his lower lip thoughtfully before he sliced a cut at Ketch's ear.

That was met with a soft hiss that quickly turned into a derisive snort. “I have it on good authority your brethren aren’t likely to welcome back the new Lucifer. Fitting, by the way. The extent you intend on going here. I’m glad I killed Mick before he saw you become this.”

That was the first barb of Ketch's that got to him, and he turned around for a moment to wipe the blood from his blade, trying to calm down. It didn't work. 

The only thing he could see in his mind was Mick, dead because of this man. This man who had the audacity to tell him he was glad that he had killed Mick. 

Cas turned around with a cry and punched Ketch so hard he broke his jaw. And then he didn't stop. He just continued to punch his face over and over and over, his vision starting to blur with the combination of tears and blood, until strong arms stopped him.

“Cas, hey, hey.” Dean turned him around and hugged him. “Hey, it’s okay,” he murmured softly as he started rubbing soothing circles on his back.

Cas pressed his face against Dean as he slowly slid to his knees, Dean following him to the ground. And then he just broke down. He couldn't stop sobbing into Dean's shoulder because this was it. Mick was dead and he wouldn't be coming back, and there was nothing he could do to ever stop that pain inside of him.

Dean continued to rock him as he hushed him, not saying anything. Not needing to really. 

He had no idea how much time passed until he could breathe again, and his tears slowly subsided. "I'm sorry, Dean. I think I killed him," he whispered.

Dean drew back and offered the sleeve of his shirt to wipe his face. “Hey, that was the goal anyway.”

Cas turned away, using his own sleeve instead as he took in a shuddered breath. He felt empty now that his anger was gone. He also felt sick. Mostly with himself. “I don’t feel so well.” 

“Torture can be a hard thing to come to terms with. Why don’t you go rest? I’ll clean up this mess and burn the body.”

Cas shook his head. "It's not the first time I've tortured someone, Dean. I've done this so often in my life I can't even count the occasions anymore. But... I don't know... as long as Ketch was still alive, I had something to focus on. And now..."

Now he couldn't flee from the loss anymore. From that hole inside of him that was eating him alive.

“Now you have to deal with your grief.” Dean sighed and gave him a sympathetic smile. “Don’t forget, there’s no wrong way to deal, to cope. Whether you need to spend the next few days holed up in your room in a cocoon of blankets, or at the bottom of a glass in some seedy bar, it’s eventually going to start getting easier. Not better, but easier. And me and Sammy are here for you, whatever you need.”

Cas nodded numbly before he looked down at himself. "Mick once told me if he died the next day, all of this would have still been worth it. I have never felt so much pain in my life until now, and I... I don't know how to get through this."

“Losing someone, especially someone you love, sucks. It’s always gonna suck, but one day it’s going to start hurting less. One day, when you think of that person, instead of crying you’ll smile, because you’ll remember a time they made you laugh. And eventually you’ll feel like yourself again. That hole will always be there, but I promise, Cas. As time goes by, it’ll hurt less and less.”

Another tear fell from his cheek and washed away a bit of the blood on his knuckles. He took in a deep breath and gave Dean a broken smile. "Maybe I should take a shower instead of using tears to clean myself up."

Dean chuckled. “That might work better. Besides, tears are salty. Not really good for making you clean.”

Cas looked up at the bloody and unrecognizable corpse of the man who killed Mick. "Are you sure you don't need help disposing of him?"

“Nah, this ain’t my first rodeo. Clean up, and if you find you don’t wanna be alone with your thoughts, come grab me. Even if I’m sleeping. I’ll keep you company.”

“Thank you, Dean. I appreciate it." Cas slowly stood up. His whole body ached somehow, and he was shivering and unstable on his legs. He had no idea what was wrong with his body. He felt far too human. Cas had probably exerted his grace when he leveled the headquarters to the ground. He braced his palm against the wall and closed his eyes, waiting for the dizziness to stop.

Dean gently grasped his elbow to help steady him. “Dude, you okay?”

Cas shook his head. "No. I think I overexerted myself when I destroyed that building. I feel exhausted."

“Come on, I’ll help you to bed and you can deal with the hygiene crap in the morning.”

Cas shook his head. "No, I want his blood off my skin. It's okay. I'm sure I'll be okay in the shower." He pushed himself away from the wall he was leaning against, and more or less stumbled to the door.

Dean shook his head and braced Cas’s arm over his shoulder as he held him up. “Come on, I’ll run you a bath and hang out nearby, so if you pass out you don’t drown yourself.”

Cas tilted his head. "You have a bathtub?"

“Yeah, I think it’s from the time they tried to figure out the demon cure thing.”

Cas shivered when he remembered the time they had to cure Dean. He let Dean help him to the bathroom, where he leaned against a wall and watched Dean fill the tub with water. He slowly got out of his blood-soaked trench coat before he unbuttoned his shirt. "Can someone really drown in a bathtub?" he asked quietly. "It doesn't look deep enough."

“You’d be surprised. Hell, there’s even such a thing as dry drowning,” he said as he ran his hand through the water.

Cas threw his shirt on the trench coat before he removed his shoes and socks to add them to the pile. "How does that work?"

“If you accidentally inhale water, sometimes it can affect you hours later, even filling up your lungs and essentially causing a person to drown outside of a body of water.”

Cas shoved his pants on the pile and stumbled over to Dean in just his boxer shorts, bracing himself on the edge of the tub. "Humans are way too fragile."

Dean chuckled as he helped Cas into the tub. “Said the wobbly angel.”

Cas gratefully sank into the hot water with a sigh. "Oh, this feels very good." He squinted his eyes at Dean but he couldn’t hide the amusement in his voice. "The wobbly angel can still take you out anytime."

“Liar. You know if I bat these babies at you,” he said as he pointed to his eyes, “that you wouldn’t stand a chance.”

Cas responded by splashing water in Dean's face.

Dean wiped his face and quirked his brow at him. “You get  _ one.” _

Cas tilted his head. "I get one what?"

He shook his head and chuckled. “It means you get one freebie, where I won’t retaliate. ‘Cause you deserve a break after the week you’ve had.”

"What would you have done? Splash me with more water? I'm already wet and in a bathtub." Cas asked as he leaned back with a sigh, sliding his hand over his arms and chest before he washed his face.

“Maybe I would’ve gotten a glass of cold water from the sink and dumped it on your head.”

“Probably would have pulled you into the bathtub then," Cas murmured before he leaned further back to dip his head under water.

For a moment, everything was quiet except the distorted noises of the water. He thought about Mick and how he had been looking forward to dropping in on him while he was showering. 

When he rose up again, he rubbed his hands over his face to get rid of the tears and the water. “Everything I do seems to remind me of him.”

Dean nodded and gave him a sympathetic half smile. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Cas gave Dean a pointed look before he jokingly asked, "Sam, what happened to your hair?"

Dean rolled his eyes and flicked some of the water in Cas’s face. He then looked down at the ground. “Look, Cas. I’m not good with this shit. But I hate seeing you in pain, and if talking is what helps, I’m more than happy to do that.”

Cas wiped the water from his face before he scrunched up his nose. "The warning to pull you in here still stands." He rubbed some water over his kneecap before he sighed deeply. "I don't know if talking would help. At the moment, I'm trying to distract myself. I try not to think about him, because everytime I do... I just feel like I'm suffocating."

“I get it, Cas. When, uh… when you walked into that lake all those years ago…” Dean shook his head and forced a smile. “I suppose drinking until you can’t feel feelings isn’t really something you can do, huh?”

Cas frowned before he pulled himself closer to the edge of the bathtub. "Is losing a friend as bad as someone you love?"

Dean let out a mirthless chuckle and looked away. “Something like that.”

Cas rubbed his fingers over his forehead. He was getting a headache. "I'm sorry I caused you pain."

“I got you back,” he whispered as he got up and grabbed a towel, walking back to Cas and holding it out to him.

Cas looked up at him with big begging eyes. "I just got in here."

Dean chuckled and sat on the rim of the tub, holding the towel in his lap. “Sorry. You can stay until you’re a raisin.”

"What do you mean until I become a raisin?" Cas asked with a head tilt. He was pretty sure this was just normal water. Nothing magical about it.

Dean pointed to Cas’s toes. “Your skin gets all wrinkly when it’s in water for a certain amount of time. Making you wrinkly. Like a raisin.”

Cas looked at his hands and Dean was right. His fingertips had wrinkles. He quickly darted up, splashing water everywhere before he started to lose his balance, because he suddenly got very dizzy.

“Whoa, whoa! Cas! It was a joke, a  _ joke.”  _ Dean chuckled and steadied him. 

"Are you sure? Look at my hands, Dean!" Cas asked, holding tightly onto Dean's shoulder with one hand, showing Dean the other one. “This doesn’t look like a joke!”

Dean started laughing outright. “It’s normal. I promise.”

Cas stared at Dean to see if he was lying, but he appeared to be telling the truth. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself before he squinted his eyes at Dean. "When will it go away?"

“After you’ve been dry for a while.” Dean smiled reassuringly.

Cas gave Dean another long look before he let himself get wrapped inside the towel. Dean helped him out of the water, for which he was thankful, because he still felt unstable and weak. He also felt incredibly tired. He leaned his forehead against Dean and took in a deep breath. "I feel like I could actually sleep."

“Okay, then let’s get you to your room. I’ll throw your stuff in the laundry, and you can borrow some of my stuff to sleep in.”

Cas shivered again as he pressed closer to Dean and into the warmth. "Thank you, Dean."

Dean smiled and started helping him walk to Dean’s room. “No thanks necessary.”

He was mostly dry when they reached Dean's room, except for his hair. Everytime a drop fell on his shoulder he shivered again, at one point so hard even his teeth started to chatter. He was freezing, and he hated that feeling.

Dean grabbed one of his discarded shirts and ruffled it through Cas’s hair to dry it. When he pulled the makeshift towel away, he chuckled when he looked at Cas’s hair. “There. Now you look like your normal self.” He proceeded to grab a long sleeve shirt and a pair of pajama bottoms. “You’re making me cold looking at you.”

Cas quickly pulled on the shirt before he looked down at his still wet boxer shorts. "I can change these when I'm in my room," he murmured tiredly.

“Dude, I’m not gonna take advantage of you if you want to take the wet boxers off. Here…” Dean turned his back to Cas. “Now I can’t see.”

"I thought it would make you uncomfortable if I undressed in front of you. I couldn't care less if you see me naked." Cas pulled off his wet boxer shorts with a grimace and toweled himself dry, before he pulled on the pajama bottoms. 

Dean still waited a minute before turning around, giving him a small smile. “Better now?”

Cas had his arms crossed over his chest. He was still cold. "I think I’ll feel better in bed."

“Come on, unless you just want to crash in my bed? I’m gonna be up for a while, so I won’t disturb you or anything.”

“Is that an invitation?” Cas asked, because going to his room seemed like too long of a journey, and he had no desire to be alone. Alone meant he was alone with his thoughts. That was the last thing he wanted right now.

Dean nodded. “Unless that’s weird. Then ignore me, and I’ll help you back to your room.”

Instead of replying, Cas just climbed into Dean's bed and pulled the covers over his head, shuffling around until he felt like he was cocooned into the blanket, before he pulled it down slightly to look out. He smirked, "I bet you're already regretting this."

That was met with a soft chuckle. “Until my tired ass gets in there with you and presses my cold feet against your legs.”

Cas squinted out of his cocoon. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Hog my blanket to yourself and oh, yeah. I would dare.”

Cas sank deeper into the blanket, with just his eyes and hair looking out. "But, Dean..." His voice sounded muffled. "If you put your cold feet in here, I'll get cold too."

Dean chuckled. “But, Cas… wouldn’t you want my poor cold feet to get warm?”

“Why can’t you give me something warm instead?” Cas asked with a grin. “I’m still cold, even under the blanket. So I could really use something warm.”

At that, Dean barked out a laugh and shook his head. “Nope. Not gonna go there.” He smiled and added, “Sleep well, Cas. And if you don’t want to be alone with your thoughts, my Walkman is right there.” Dean pointed to the device on his bedside table.

“How did you know?” Cas asked quietly from his blanket nest.

Dean gave him a sad smile. “Been there, remember?”

Cas pushed the blanket down so he could look at Dean. "Because of me?"

Dean looked down and let out a mirthless laugh. “Somethin’ like that.”

Cas sat up on the bed and let his hand drift over the sheet. "I had no idea. I'm sorry. I never thought you would even be affected by my absence."

“Then I must not have shown you what you mean to me. But… that ends now.” Dean gave him a soft smile and reached for the light switch. “Get some sleep.”

"What will you do?" Cas asked with a deep sigh as he laid back on the bed. He felt selfish now for stealing Dean's bed, so he destroyed his cocoon again to make the blanket more accessible.

Dean shrugged. “Get rid of the body, clean up the mess. Maybe decompress with a glass of scotch.”

"I... should go back to my bed then," Cas murmured as he slung his feet out of Dean's bed, wincing at how cold the floor was. "You will need to sleep too, after that."

“Thought you…” Dean shook his head and waved his hand dismissively. “Uh, if that’s what you want. Do you need my help walking to your room?”

It was still hard to move and Cas also needed way too long to answer Dean's question. He just didn't know what to say. There was this huge hole in his chest, and it was pulling him in. Finally, he looked up and said, "I have to start getting used to being alone again."

Dean sighed and gave him a sympathetic smile. “Yeah, maybe, but… it’s okay if you can’t right now.”

“Isn't this just fleeing from the inevitable?” Cas asked quietly. “Me hiding here with you, trying to distract myself because I'm too afraid to be alone with my thoughts?”

“Maybe, but sometimes that’s what you need to cope. A distraction until you’re ready to face those thoughts head on. Whether you use the crutch or try to soldier through it, either way there’s gonna be a fall. The crutch just makes it a little less painful.”

Cas looked down, biting his lower lip to stop it from trembling. His voice was barely above a whisper. “I don’t want you to go.”

Dean nodded and drew closer. “I can stay. We can always clean up in the morning.”

Cas nodded; he couldn’t look at Dean because he felt ashamed for being so weak. “It's not like Ketch will go anywhere and… I want to help you get rid of him.”

“Okay,” Dean said as he nodded. He grabbed another pair of pajama bottoms and a shirt from his drawer, and turned around to change into them.

“Are you sure I'm not bothering you?” Cas asked carefully, because he expected Dean to get impatient with him any minute, to tell him to keep it together despite his words earlier. He had noticed that Dean was treating him differently than before, but he couldn’t understand the reason. Was is to comfort him, and if so, how much time would he get before he needed to function again?

Dean turned back around and smiled. “As long as you don’t snore or hog the blanket, I’m good.”

Cas spread the blanket over Dean’s bed and gave his friend a grateful smile. “I don’t know about the snoring, but the blanket is yours. No need for cold feet.” 

That was met with a chuckle as Dean hit the light and made his way to the bed. He crawled in on the left side and got settled, rolling onto his side to face Cas. “For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you.”

Cas turned to his side too, just to give Dean a confused look. He didn't think he had done anything to earn those words. “For what?”

Dean chucked Cas’s chin. “For trying.”

Cas rolled his eyes and scoffed. “I think I understand now why you were so annoyed with me in the past when I spoke in ‘riddles'.”

Dean furrowed his brow. “What?”

“What do you mean by ‘trying'?” Cas asked, to clear up their miscommunication.

“Well, you could’ve just given up. You could have ended it, or tried to go back to Heaven to be with him. But you’re here. That’s trying.”

Cas looked away from Dean, swallowing dryly. “Dean… I will go to him. As soon as we find a solution for Kelly, I’ll talk to some of the angels, see if they… if they'll take me back.”

Dean’s expression immediately softened into something akin to surprise and sadness. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry,” Cas murmured, “I don’t even know if it will work yet, if the others will allow me to return home, but I have to try. I wanted to tell you when I knew for sure.”

“It’s, uh… it’s your life.” Dean cleared his throat and turned over, now facing in the other direction. “Sleep well, Cas.”

Cas felt an uncomfortable pain in his chest, similar to the hole, like he was alone and empty. He reached out for Dean's shoulder on instinct, touching it. He felt how tense Dean was, but he could also feel warmth and strength there. Something he needed right now. "I would come back to you, though," he whispered, "as long as you're here. I always intended to come back and help you."

“I don’t want your pity,” Dean said, his voice trembling as though he were overcome with emotion. 

Cas shook his head before he pushed Dean on his back, bracing himself on his elbow so he could look at him. "This has nothing to do with pity, Dean," he replied in a stern voice. "I thought you knew how important you are to me."

Dean’s eyes were watery, and he wiped them before turning away from Cas again. “Please stop.”

Cas frowned as he pulled away from Dean, kneeling on the bed. "Dean, what... I don't understand... why are you sad?"

“Just go to sleep,” he choked out, his voice broken and waterlogged.

Cas didn't know what to do. The last thing he wanted to do was sleep. "No, Dean. Even if I could sleep... you helped me so much the last few hours, and I... somehow made you sad. Please tell me what's wrong."

Dean scoffed and shook his head. “I’m sorry, I just… I can’t right now. Please.”

“Do you want me to leave?” Cas asked quietly.

“No. Unless you wanna leave,” he whispered.

Cas took in a shuddered breath as he shook his head. "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

“Just… go to sleep. I’ll feel better knowing you got sleep,” he murmured against his pillow.

Cas looked down at the blanket as sadness overwhelmed him. Of course Dean didn't want his help in return when he felt sad. Their friendship had never been balanced or equal. It wouldn't make a difference if he stayed here with Dean or was alone in his bed. Right in this moment, he felt alone, even with Dean lying right next to him. 

He slowly slid out of the bed and went to the door. "Sleep well," he whispered.

Dean sat up and looked at Cas for a painstakingly quiet moment. “I didn’t want to sleep. You asked me to stay and now you’re leaving. I’m trying here, Cas. But you’re confusing the hell out of me.”

Cas looked down and nodded. "I'm sorry, you're right. I just..." He shook his head. "I don't know how to talk to you. Or how to be around you for that matter. You're not the only one confused here. I know I asked you to stay... but now it feels like you're somewhere else anyway, and I might just as well be in my room, because I feel alone with you." 

He turned away again, biting his lip. He hadn't wanted to say that, but his insides felt like they were crumbling.

“Why? ‘Cause I didn’t want to tell you how hurt I was by what you said? Because I shouldn’t say something like that considering you just want to go back to the man you’re in love with?” Dean let out a mirthless chuckle. “Why are you pushing this? I wanna be here for you, I wanna be here to help you through this, but… I’m not him, Cas. I can’t be perfect for you.”

"I know you're not him!" Cas yelled back before he could stop himself. He also couldn't stop the tears from falling again. "You are not his substitute, the same way Mick was never yours. And I don't need you to be perfect. I just need you to talk to me! If you want to help me, then let me help you, too, because otherwise this isn't fair!" 

Dean threw off the covers and stood up. “I don’t do this talking shit, Cas! You know that! But I’m  _ trying  _ here!”

Cas sank to his knees, leaning his back against Dean's door. He felt resigned and drained. "Why is this always so hard between us?"

Dean sighed and moved to sit in front of him. “Because you need me to be something I’m not, which you didn’t realize you wanted until you met someone who gave you what you needed.”

Cas chuckled mirthlessly and shook his head. "I realized what I wanted before I met Mick. I just never believed a person like him existed. Someone who would just love me... He took me by surprise." Cas bit his lower lip as another tear fell from his eyes. He missed Mick so much in this moment that he thought he would drown.

That was met with a scoff as Dean shook his head. “Right.”

Cas wiped away the tears, replying equally sarcastically, "Yes, right, hard to believe."

“For fuck’s sake, stop it! Stop accusing me of finding that hard to believe!”

"Well, then stop acting like it's such a miracle that someone actually loved me!"

Dean leaned forward, brow furrowed in disdain. “It’s not a fucking miracle, you jackass, it’s pretty much inevitable!”

"You're aware I'm talking about romantic love, right? Not family love." Cas leaned back against the door and took in a deep breath. "And seriously, compliments work better without insulting the person in the same sentence."

“You can’t possibly be this stupid,” Dean breathed out in amazement.

Cas frowned at Dean, trying to understand what he was insinuating. Because the only thing that he could think of just didn't make any sense. He shook his head slowly. "Are you insinuating that you have feelings for me?"

“Let’s not do this,” Dean said, sounding defeated and unable to make eye contact.

Cas stared at him for a long moment. Because no. There was no way Dean had feelings for him. 

_ It would explain why he kissed you back then, _ his mind unhelpfully supplied. Cas shook his head slowly before he leaned his head back on the door, staring at the ceiling. He had no idea what to think or what to say before he finally murmured, “Your timing sucks.”

Dean let out another mirthless laugh. “You kept pushing. I would have been fine never bringing it up.”

Cas sighed deeply, feeling strangely empty, before he turned his head to look at Dean. "I'm not only talking about now. If you had told me before I met Mick, you could have saved me from this heartbreak."

There was a beat of uncomfortable silence before he heard Dean sniffle. Dean wiped his eyes and looked away. “Guess I deserved that.”

Cas shook his head. "No, you didn't. Neither one of us deserve this." 

And that was just it. They were both hurting and it sucked. Cas couldn't give Dean what he needed. And neither could Dean. They just needed to deal with the hand they got. Cas lifted his arm and wrapped it around Dean, pulling him against his shoulder, leaning his head against Dean's as he closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry I keep fucking everything up.”

Cas pulled him closer, practically draping Dean over him as he carded his fingers through his hair and hummed. "It's okay... we'll somehow find a way through this. We always do, right?"

Dean sighed and made a noncommittal noise before he turned to Cas and looked at him. “Shouldn’t I be the one doing the comforting?”

"Who says you aren't?" Cas asked back with a raised eyebrow. "You're with me. That's all I asked for."

“Yeah, but…” Dean shook his head and stopped talking, full stop.

“But what?” Cas asked, pulling him even closer. He yearned for closeness, needed it.

Dean sighed. “I’m so sorry, Cas.”

Cas closed his eyes as he rested his head against Dean's, murmuring, "Thank you, Dean."

“Come on, let’s try to sleep.”

Cas hummed before he quietly asked, "Would it be weird to ask if I can hold you?"

Dean smiled. “Whatever you want.”

Cas stood up and pulled Dean up with him before he went back to Dean's bed and slid back under the covers, waiting for Dean to settle down on his side. He opened his arms and pulled Dean against his chest, turning his head to press his face against Dean’s hair. "Good night, Dean," he whispered. "Thank you for this."

Dean nodded and wrapped his arm over Cas’s against his chest. “No thanks necessary.”

Cas rubbed his thumb over Dean's side and exhaled slowly, trying to relax. After this night, he would be forced to sleep alone again. For the past two months, he had spent almost every night with Mick in his arms. Not to sleep, but just to watch over him. He had no idea how he could go back to endless nights alone. He used to be good at waiting for the time to tick by. But now he knew better. Now he knew how it felt to share it. He had treasured the time. 

He pulled Dean closer almost unconsciously when his thoughts strayed to Dean’s confession. He had no idea what to think. It still felt surreal because it didn’t make sense to him. “Dean?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah?” he mumbled.

“In the past when a woman showed interest in me, you always encouraged me to do something about it, and you always seemed to be interested in only women… I’m in a male body…” He took in a deep breath. “It’s hard for me to understand.”

There was a beat of silence, so long he wondered if Dean might have fallen asleep, before he quietly said, “You’re different. You’ve always been different.”

Cas pressed his face into Dean as he nodded. He understood that. Dean had always been the exception for him too... until he had met Mick. "Sometimes I feel so heartbroken that I wished you had said something. Anything to stop me from moving on. I feel guilty every time I think that. And I feel angry. So angry with everything."

Dean let out a soft sigh. “I’m sorry, Cas. You’ll never know how sorry I am.”

Cas swallowed dryly. He understood now why he had made Dean unhappy earlier, and he hoped he could make him feel better. He needed him to know. “Remember when we met in that bar, and I asked you if it was possible to fall in love twice? You told me that the first love will never go away; that person will always be important to you. So I want you to believe me when I say that I will come back to you.”

“Cas, that’s…” Dean sighed again, grip on Cas’s wrist tightening. “That’s not how it works. I get what you’re trying to say, but you’re in the grieving process right now. Let’s just… can we stop talking for now?”

"You're grouchy when you're tired," Cas murmured into Dean's hair before he sighed. "Alright... good night, Dean." He still slid his hand over Dean's side and back, painting subconscious patterns with his fingers.

“Night, Cas.”

Cas closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep, which was more difficult than he had imagined, especially with how tired he felt. Everytime he caught his mind starting to wander, he tried to reel it in. He didn't want to think about Mick right now.

Everytime he did, it felt like that one time the Leviathans had taken control of him, and he never wanted to feel that much darkness again in his life. 

He shifted a bit and nuzzled his nose into Dean's hair, because it tickled and was distracting. Dean's shampoo smelled like mountains and snow. Mick always smelled like...  _ No. Not going there. _

He stared at the ceiling and sighed again, his finger tapping along Dean's back.

“Thought you were tired?” Dean asked in a half yawn.

"I am," he knew he sounded frustrated. "But I can't seem to fall asleep."

“Try counting sheep,” he offered with a slight chuckle.

He had tried that once, when he was homeless. Some guy had told him to count sheep in his head. But it hadn’t worked; he just couldn’t stay focused on them because his thoughts started to stray. And the last thing Cas wanted in that moment was for his mind to wander.

Because he knew where it would go. “Can’t you just tell me something? Anything?”

Dean turned slightly to crane his neck to look at Cas. “Are you asking for a bedtime story?”

Cas looked down at Dean with a raised eyebrow. “Listening to your voice keeps my attention better than counting sheep in my mind.”

“Alright,” he murmured as he turned onto his other side, now facing Cas. Dean propped his head up by his hand and said, “Once upon a time, there was this bad ass chick named Red Riding Hood…”

Cas immediately missed Dean’s warmth, his hand twitched to pull him back against his body but then he stopped mid- reach and pulled back. He didn't want to hurt Dean. And if he continued down this path, answering to the immense yearning of intimacy to cancel out his loneliness, he would only hurt Dean along the way. Because he couldn’t give Dean what he wanted. So instead he tried to relax against the pillow, his gaze wandering over Dean’s chest up to his face as he tried to listen to the story. 

“Anyway, this creepy ass Mr. Wolf saw her walking along the highway and offered her a ride. He looked like your average joe type, glasses, suit and tie - A real Clark Kent looking fucker - and she got in the car. When he asked her where she was headed, she went on a tirade about needing to get to her Grandma’s house, ‘cause the cops had just towed her Mom and asshole stepdad to the joint for drug possession and violations of their parole…”

“Is the man a werewolf and you had sex with the girl at the end of the story because you saved her?” Cas couldn’t help but ask.

Dean barked out a laugh. “Why you gotta assume that a dude comes to her rescue? Nah, man. Like I said, she’s a bad ass. She saves herself.”

“And then you have sex with her because she saved you from the bad werewolf.” Cas smirked.

“I’ll have you know, I’m not in this story.”

Cas made a noise of disappointment before he couldn’t stop himself and put his hand over Dean’s arm, sliding his finger tips over his skin. “It sounded like a hunter story for a moment,” he murmured quietly.

“It is. Who do you think the bad ass hunter is?” Dean chuckled, brow quirked in challenge.

“Red Riding Hood?” Cas asked with a tired grin, as he lazily drew sigils on Dean’s skin with the tip of his fingers. “Are you making this story up?”

Dean smiled and nodded. “A little. I’m kind of twisting a movie from the 90s to work with our lives.”

Cas grinned as he leaned in closer to Dean’s warmth, his other hand finding Dean’s waist to hold onto. “I hope the story has a happy ending.”

“Oh, it does, but maybe not in the way you’re thinking…” Dean proceeded to tell a twisted tale of a young woman who got attacked by this Wolf man, he attempted to violate her and she shot him in the head. Which got her arrested and sent to a juvenile detention facility for attempted murder, because he survived.

Cas had slid closer and closer during the story until his body was mostly pressed against Dean’s, his head resting against Dean’s shoulder. “That’s not a very happy ending. Did she get out?” He murmured as he slid his fingers along the underside of Dean's arm.

“Yeah, so she manages to escape during a transfer, knocking out one of the guards and stealing a car. After getting a change of clothes, she gets to her Grandma’s place just as that creep Mr. Wolf was attempting to attack her. So Red pulls out a revolver and finishes the job, getting rid of that fucker for good.”

“So she saves her grandmother and they live happily ever after?” Cas asked with closed eyes, his lips tingling where they accidentally came in contact with Dean’s shoulder.

He could feel the way Dean’s chest moved with his chuckle. “Yeah. Happily ever after. Running from the law.”

Mick and he could have been running from the British Men of Letters. If he had known Mick was in danger because of those people…

He pressed his face against Dean’s shoulder. “I never thought they would kill him for being on our side. Or for being with me… I had no idea those people were so dangerous that they would kill one of their own.”

Dean carded his hand through Cas’s hair. “I’m sorry, Cas. You know it’s funny, all the evil shit I’ve seen, and none of it beats out the fucked up humans.”

Cas leaned into Dean's hand, starving for warm human contact. "I'm still wondering if I could have done anything to prevent this. But he didn't even sound concerned that day; maybe he was a little bit tense. I should have asked him if everything was okay..."

Cas frowned and pressed closer to Dean again. Maybe he would still be alive if he had just asked.

“Dude, I doubt he knew. And getting hung up on what ifs will drive you crazy, Cas.”

"I know... it just happened so fast. And out of nowhere. I couldn't even say goodbye," Cas murmured before he admitted, "A part of me still thinks he just went home, that he's sitting in his kitchen eating some baked beans. It's stupid. I don't know why it's hard for my mind to accept."

Dean nodded. “His funeral was two days ago. When Dad died, it took me months to finally remember I couldn’t just call him. Grief is weird like that. Your brain knows he’s gone, but grief clouds it so you sometimes forget.”

"Probably to keep oneself from going crazy about the loss." He was whispering now, mostly because he feared if he talked too loud he couldn't bear to hear his own words. "Sometimes I miss him so much it feels like I'm dying and I don't know how I should go on. There are so many things I will never get to feel again, now that he's gone."

Dean sighed and nodded. “If I could trade places with him for you, I would.”

Cas slid higher up the bed and cupped Dean's cheek. "Don't say things like that. That wouldn't change anything about me ending up with a broken heart. I already thought I lost you once... I don't need a repetition."

Dean ducked his gaze and moved away from his hand. “Still,” was all he said.

"Dean." Cas pulled him back so he had to look at him. "Please... I wanted to die when I thought Metatron killed you. I lost my reason to live. Yes, I fell in love with another man. A man who changed my life for the better the last two months, but me loving Mick and missing him has nothing to do with the fact that I love you, too, Dean. I always have, and I'll never stop. So don't you dare say you want to trade places with Mick because it wouldn't change a damn thing for me. I would be in the same messed up place right now."

”I’m not gonna argue with you, but I’m not asking for a compare and contrast. You’re grieving and you need to grieve. So, for now, just… please stop telling me that. Okay?” Dean sounded so broken, keeping his gaze downward even though Cas held him in place.

It was so wrong. He shouldn’t even think it, and he knew that, because it was all kinds of wrong. He was torn between the familiarity of over eight years of wanting nothing but to make Dean happy, and his grief for Mick that he had no idea what was up and down anymore. He just wanted to lean over to kiss Dean, and the urge made him sick. So much so that he let go of Dean and slid away from him. He had no idea what the hell was wrong with him for even thinking about doing that.

He held his hand in front of his mouth, trying to take a few calming breaths to get rid of the sick feeling, but it only got worse when more of those thoughts bombarded his mind. “Excuse me,” he mumbled as he slid off the bed and practically fled from Dean’s room and into the bathroom. Not a moment too soon, as he vomited his coffee from earlier into the toilet. 

He couldn’t breathe as he choked on the bitter fluids, tears mixing into it before he finally felt empty, leaving him with stomach cramps as he sat next to the toilet, leaning against the cold wall. He closed his eyes, trying to calm down his breathing, but it wasn’t working.

Cas shouldn’t be here. Mick was dead because of him. Either because of their relationship or them working together. It didn’t matter. The fact was that if he had never met Cas he would still be alive… And now he was hurting Dean with his selfish behavior. He was destroying everything he touched… like always.

“Hey, hey,” Dean murmured as he started rubbing his back. “I wasn’t trying to upset you.”

Cas had no idea where Dean had suddenly come from. He hadn't noticed him following. He swallowed, his mouth still tasting of the bitter fluid as he looked away from Dean. "Leave me alone, please. I don't want to do anything stupid... I’ll just end up hurting you."

Dean’s expression was incredibly sad. “Cas, buddy, I don’t want to leave you like this. I want to help.”

Cas shook his head as more tears soaked into his shirt. "I'm poison, Dean... I'm..." This wouldn't keep Dean away from him. But the truth might shock him so much that he would leave on his own. "I'm disgusting. All I wanted was to kiss you back in your room. Who the fuck does that when my... when..." He couldn't finish the sentence as the guilt overwhelmed him, and he had to look away from Dean.

“Oh, Cas,” Dean murmured as he pulled him in for a hug, “it’s normal. You’re craving comfort, that’s all. It doesn’t mean your feelings for Mick are gone.”

Cas felt sick again, but he couldn't stop himself from gripping Dean tight, wrapping his arms around him to hold him close. His face was pressed against Dean's throat and he willed himself to stop crying as he whispered, "I don't want to hurt you doing something stupid." 

Dean hushed him and murmured a soft and slightly teasing, “You’re acting like I wouldn’t be able to stop you. And I’m an adult, Castiel. You aren’t responsible for my feelings.”

Cas winced as he pulled away from Dean. "Don't call me by my full name, please."

Dean shook his head in confusion. “What?”

"You just called me Castiel. You usually shorten my name. I'd prefer if you keep using the shortened version," Cas explained, while he tried to calm down his breathing.

“Um, okay?”

"I like when you say Cas." He hoped Dean wouldn't ask further. It was just too fresh. Mick had always called him by his full name.

“Whatever you want.” Dean gave him a sad smile. “How about we go back to my room?”

Cas had no idea if it was a good idea to sleep in the same bed with Dean. Suddenly it just seemed to be wrong. He shook his head. "I think I should sleep in my bed, Dean."

Dean nodded. “Alright. Let me help you to your room.”

Cas let himself get pulled up, but he drew away from Dean to go to the sink and rinse his mouth out. He white- knuckled the basin before he saw himself in the mirror. He didn't even recognize himself at first. 

His vessel looked older, his hair in disarray and his eyes red and swollen from the tears.

_No wonder Dean can hold himself back,_ _a_ sarcastic voice in his mind supplied. Cas scoffed and pushed himself away from the mirror. “Dean… I think I might stay in Mick’s flat for the night…”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Dean furrowed his brow in concern.

Cas shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. Probably not. But it feels right, somehow."

Dean sighed and nodded. “Stay safe.”

Cas stepped forward and gave Dean a long look before he leaned in and kissed his cheek, whispering, "Thank you, Dean. For everything."

A second later he was standing in Mick's empty flat. He walked up into what was supposed to be their bedroom and slipped under the cold covers.

He fell asleep instantly.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

The second Cas disappeared, Dean slammed his fist into the wall, punching a hole in the drywall and shattering at least two knuckles. “Fuck!” hHe cried, before clutching his hand to his chest and turning his back to the wall as he slid to his knees, trying to use the pain to distract himself from the tears that were threatening to break through.

How could he have fucked up so bad? So thoroughly and totally? He’d never intended on telling Cas about his feelings; it’s why he always dodged the question without having to outright lie to the guy. 

But Dean couldn’t even do that right. And two days after they’d had Mick’s funeral no less. He would have been completely disgusted with himself if he wasn’t so guilt ridden.

Dean needed a distraction, so he immediately went back to the dungeon. A part of him had hoped the guy wasn’t dead, so Dean would have someone to take his aggression and frustration out on, but the congealing pool of blood and stiff posture indicated rigor mortis had started to set in.

With a deep sigh he started cleaning up the mess, using the labor as a distraction from his thoughts. When Dean started untying the body, watching the lack of capillary refill when the binds released their grip on his wrists, he sighed and shook his head.

Everything about the last few days had been fucked in the worst way possible. From the fact that his best friend had lost the guy he was in love with, to the fact that Dean had been a weird combination of sad and relieved. Sad for his friend, and relieved that it meant that he wasn’t going to move away now.

Which was  _ fucked.  _ But sometimes Dean couldn’t help his selfish thoughts. And then Cas told him he was going to try and go back to Heaven, and Dean realized that no matter what, no one would choose him. Not when there were always other options.

And it hurt. By god, did it hurt. 

Dean carried the stiff to the other end of the dungeon where the incinerator was. He dropped the body to the ground, the crunch of some sort of bone breaking not even loud enough to quiet the din of his own self hatred.

He yanked on the lever and cranked on the gas as the flames slowly came to life. Dean opened the grate door and proceeded to stuff Ketch into it.

When he closed the grate again, Dean sighed and made his way up to the kitchen. Sleep wasn’t going to happen any time soon, so he figured he should make some coffee and maybe try toand work on finding Kelly.

His mom was already sitting there, a hot coffee between her hands. She stood up when he came in, pouring Dean a cup too before she spiked it with whiskey. “This might help,” she said as she pushed the cup over to him and sat down again.

“Thanks, Mom,” he murmured, feeling damn appreciative for her in that moment. “Why are you still up?”

“Got a lot on my mind,” she replied vaguely, sipping her coffee. “How's Castiel holding up?”

Dean scoffed. “No idea. He’s in London.”

Mary nodded and massaged her forehead with her fingers. “Good… Did he kill him? Ketch?”

“Yeah, just dumped his carcass in the incinerator.” Dean looked at her as he took a sip of his booze coffee. “What’s up?”

"Nothing..." She gave him a tired smile. "Just... I thought I could make a difference for you boys. So that you could have a normal life. And instead this happened..." She shook her head. "I just wanted my boys to be happy."

Dean sighed and regarded her for a moment. “Mom, we spent our lives without you; getting rid of all of the monsters wouldn’t have made the shit we experienced okay. You get that, right?”

She shook her head and gave Dean a serious look. "I couldn't be there when you grew up and became a man. But I'm still your mom. And it's my job to keep the monsters away from you."

“Mom, that’s not what we need.”

“I know,” she replied, taking in a deep breath. “It’s what I needed. To be useful, to stop feeling guilty for not being there for the two of you.”

Dean sighed and grasped her hand. “It’s not like you could’ve helped it.”

She shrugged noncommittally, taking another sip from her coffee. “At least this chapter is closed now. Now it’s just the birth of the devil’s baby on our plate.”

“Yeah. I was gonna start on some research to find Kelly. Would you… would you like to help?”

"Now?" She braced her head on her palm and gave him a long look. "Why don't you go to bed?"

Dean shook his head. “I’m not going to be able to sleep.”

“Why? What’s wrong?” She leaned forward on the table, her hands folded together.

“Don’t worry about it.” Dean took a large gulp of the whiskey coffee.

She leaned back, frowning. "Is it because of Castiel?"

Dean sighed again. “I’m kinda talked out at the moment.”

She emptied her cup in one go. "Alright. Then let's focus on finding Kelly. Hopefully Castiel will stay away until we solve this thing with her." 

Dean furrowed his brow. “Why do you want him to stay away?”

She frowned at Dean, her expression incredulous, like it was only obvious. "I know he's your friend, but... he's a ticking time bomb and a liability in his current condition. You saw what he did with that building. Do you really want someone like him close by when we find Kelly? Who knows what he will do?"

A wave of anger washed over him. “Look, he’s fucked up over losing the guy he loved. Cut him some slack.”

"I am. I'm sure Castiel is usually a great friend. But you should consider the possibility that he will betray your friendship with his emotional instability." She leaned forward, her voice insistent. "Look, he’s not allowed in Heaven, right? What if the other angels offer to reunite him with Mick if he helps them? Do you really think he would say no to them?"

Dean shook his head and stood up. “I trust him. And if you can’t, then you know where the door is.” He rolled his eyes and turned towards the door. “Thanks for the coffee.”

"Dean," she pleaded, "I just want you to be careful. That's all."

“No,” he said as he turned back to face her. “You don’t get to tell me who I should and shouldn’t trust. You teamed up with the guys who put a hit out on all of us; in fact, you fucked the main psychopath. So, forgive me if I don’t listen to a goddamn suggestion  _ you  _ make.”

"Yes, I made a mistake, Dean!" Mary pressed out when she forcefully stood up from her chair. "We all get blinded by emotions. Like Castiel is blinded, and so are you! You're so hung up on him you can't even see that he could be a danger!"

Dean scoffed and shook his head, giving her a rueful smile. “No. My feelings for him don’t make me blind. He’s no more in danger than he would have been with or without Mick. I know that because I know Cas. Better than you know him. Or me for that matter.”

Mary sat down on her chair, giving him a soft smile. "So, that  _ is _ what's bothering you. You really have feelings for him, and it's killing you to see him like that, knowing that you can't help him."

“Did… did you just play me?”

Mary gave him a sheepish look. "You’re as bad as John when it comes to talking about feelings."

Dean sighed, shaking his head in bemusement. “So, you don’t actually think that about Cas?”

Mary sighed as she leaned forward. "I came to get to know him when you and Sam were imprisoned. And the one big thing I learned about him was that he would do anything for you. I know he’s a loyal friend to you. But love is a bitch…” She shrugged and gave Dean a soft smile. “If you say you trust him to make the right decision, I’m with you.”

“Then why try to rile me up?” He still felt like he was a little in the Twilight Zone.

"Dean..." The look she gave him instantly made Dean feel like she was about to send him to his room. "You're like your father. You suffer in silence, and I just couldn't watch it. I wanted you to talk to me. I want to help you. You can talk to me, you know that. You don’t need to be strong in front of me. It’s just me."

Dean sighed again and drew closer. “And you’d rather I lash out and insult you than just letting me deal?  _ My  _ way.”

She shrugged and poured herself another cup of coffee. "I have thick skin, and if I get you to feel better after you get some stuff off of your chest, then I did something right." She pointed at the chair. "Why don't you just sit with me for a while and we can talk. You said you can't sleep anyway, so what would it hurt?"

She had a point. And hell, he’d never had much luck stewing over shit. Dean sat down and opened his palms. “What do you want me to say?”

"It's up to you. But I would really like to know what's on your mind." She refilled Dean's cup and held the whiskey bottle in her hand with a questioning look.

Where the hell would he even start? Dean braced his face in his hands and murmured, “I hate myself for being relieved that Cas can’t move to London with Mick anymore.”

Mary nodded and poured some whiskey in Dean’s coffee again. “Feelings don't judge. Only we do. Of course you're relieved. You don’t want to lose him.” She sipped at her coffee before she tilted her head. “Does he know that you love him?”

Dean groaned and kept his head in his hands. “Yeah, it’s why he’s in London.”

Mary gave him a surprised look. “I thought he was there to say goodbye.” She leaned back with a frown. “So, he was shocked about your confession and left? That's what happened?”

“Well, no. He said my timing sucks; if I’d told him before he met Mick, he would’ve been saved the heartache. He left ‘cause he didn’t want to hurt me.”

Mary stared at him with wide eyes before she let out a deep breath. “What a mess… Wait, what did he mean by ‘didn’t want to hurt you’?”

Dean sighed and looked up. “He said he wanted to kiss me. My guess is he needed comfort, and didn’t want to lead me on.”

Mom looked a little uncomfortable for a moment before she rubbed her hand over her face. “So, even if he gets past his grief at some point, you’ll never know if you were just a substitute or comfort for him, even though he confessed his feelings to you.”

“Pretty much,” Dean said with a groan.

She sighed as she leaned forward, folding her hands around her cup. “The way I see it, you have someone who loves you, and even though he's in pain right now, had enough self reflection to keep himself from kissing you. You said you trust him. Do you think you can trust him with your heart?”

“That’s a loaded question.” Dean sighed. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll never make a move, and if Cas ever does… like you said, I won’t know if I’m a substitute.”

Mary gave him a sad smile. “That’s the trust I'm talking about, Dean. If… say in a year from now he made a move, would you trust him, that he did it  _ because _ of you? If you can’t believe him, you’re gonna need to move on.”

Dean let out a mirthless chuckle. “It’s not that easy.”

“Never said it was. But it usually starts with accepting that this between the two of you is never going to work. Not as long as you can't trust each other with your hearts.”

“So, you’re telling me to give up all hope?” Dean downed the rest of his coffee. “Great.”

Mary chuckled quietly and shook her head. “A few seconds ago you yelled at me to jump to his defense, told me how much you trust him. I believe you do. So when you start to trust yourself too, the hope you have for your future could become reality.”

Dean shook his head. “You were right. He’s going to try and go back to Heaven to be with Mick.”

“I'm sorry.” Mary closed her eyes and looked down at her hands for a while. “How far will he go for this? What do you think?”

“I don’t know, but I trust him to not fuck us over.”

Mary filled his empty coffee cup with the rest of the whiskey. “If he made his decision to leave you forever, then I guess clinging to hope doesn't make any sense.”

“And yet, here we are.” Dean downed the whiskey and let out a mirthless chuckle. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised; I  _ am _ a Winchester.”

Mary slapped his arm. “Hey, I was very happy with John for quite some time, and we had two pretty awesome boys. It's not all bad.”

“Yeah, but…” Dean stopped himself. Just because his illusion about his parents’ marriage had been shattered, didn’t mean he should do that to Mary. He forced a smile. “Me and Sammy just aren’t that lucky, Mom.”

“It's the curse of being a hunter, Dean. That’s why I tried to stop. I wanted a normal life. But you can't quit. At some point, everything comes back.” She folded her hands over his. “But I would still do it again. Fall in love, go on dates, and enjoy every damn second I get of being happy. So don't give up, Dean. When we get knocked down, we get up and keep on fighting.”

Dean chuckled. “Alright, Sesame Street.”

Mary grinned at him before she asked, “Do you feel a little bit better?”

“Would you be pissed if I said I feel the same?”

“Disappointed, but…” She shrugged. “I tried and it was nice to have you to myself for a change. Do you want hot chocolate? I bought marshmallows, and you've earned it.”

Dean laughed. “You do realize I’m not four anymore, right?”

“You do realize it doesn't come with an age restriction?” She stood up and went to the cupboard. “What are you, the hot chocolate police?”

“Alright, alright. Sure, I’d love a hot chocolate.” Dean smiled at his Mom, weirdly feeling better.

Mary quietly hummed, “Hey, Jude,” as she prepared the drink, putting the finished cup with marshmallows in front of him before she hugged him and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “I'm proud of you, Dean, and I love you. Don't stay up too late, baby.”

“Okay, Mommy,” he quipped. Dean smiled at her and gently grasped her hand. “Thanks. I love you.”

She winked at him and squeezed his hand before she left the kitchen with a yawned, “Good night.”

Dean sighed and looked down at the hot chocolate. In that moment he really missed Cas. Picking up the cup, he made his way back to his bedroom. As he settled on the now empty bed, he sat down, braced his elbows on his knees and looked up.

“I hope you’re okay, Cas.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Dean groaned as he stumbled through the hallway of the bunker to the kitchen for some coffee. He’d slept for maybe three hours before he woke up again. Probably too damn much on his mind. It was five in the morning and he decided now was as good a time as any to start researching Kelly.

He nuked what was left in the pot, because Dean refused to waste coffee ever, and zombie- walked his way to the map room, where Cas’s  _ Beautiful Mind  _ board was.

Plopping down in one of the chairs, Dean blew on the top of his hot coffee as he stared at all of the insanity on the cork boards, trying to make sense of everything. “What the fuck were you doing here, Cas?” he grumbled to the empty room.

It was just that the empty room talked back, “We don't need that anymore. Wake up Sam. We must hurry.”

When Dean whirled around his eyes were met with a desolate looking Cas, clothes rumpled and hair worse than he had ever seen it. His eyes were red and puffy, his lips chapped and parted as he looked back. “The angels found Kelly. They're bringing her to the playground.”

“What? What happened to you?” Dean’s brain wasn’t firing on all four cylinders yet.

"Nothing," he growled. "I just heard it on angel radio and it woke me up. We still have a little time because I'm the only angel with wings at the moment, but get Sam and gear up so we can wait for them at the playground."

Dean nodded and darted to Sam's room. He slammed open the door and turned on the lights. As Sam startled awake, Dean threw his jacket at his head. “We’ve got a line on Kelly. Get your ass up now!”

He didn’t wait for his brother to respond, instead he knocked on Mary’s door - more like pounded really - and yelled, “Mom, get to the map room in two minutes!”

As he slammed open his own door he grabbed the Colt and his jacket. Dean was back with Cas in record time. “They’re coming, and if they aren’t here in the next two minutes, just you and I will go.”

Cas nodded and leaned against the table. He looked tired as hell. "Do you still have an angel blade? Every one of you should take one. I've got a spare if you're short."

Dean brandished the Colt. “I can do you one better.”

"Good," he murmured, closing his eyes for a moment.

“Cas, what’s wrong?” Dean asked, keeping his feet firmly in place so as not to just yank the angel into an unwelcome hug.

Cas blinked at him. "Nothing... just a rough night. Do you have coffee?"

“It’s old... do you care?” Dean asked, taking Cas’s response for what it was. A dismissal.

Cas shook his head and followed him to the kitchen, rubbing his fingers over his eyes.

Dean grabbed the carafe and poured him a cup before placing it in the microwave to heat it up. He kept his focus on the machine so as not to do something stupid, like demand Cas talk to him.

After the ding, Dean pulled it out and poured almost a quarter of the sugar jar into it before adding some milk. He stirred it and finally turned to hand it to Cas. “Here you are, a little bit of coffee with your sugar.”

He took the cup with a sad smile and sipped it before he murmured, "Thank you. You always make it perfect."

Dean chuckled. “The trick is to fill the cup three quarters with coffee and then get it almost full with the sugar and milk.”

Cas smiled into his coffee. "I'll have to remember that. Although I never quite get it right when I try to make it myself. For a long while, I firmly believed you were adding a secret ingredient."

The urge to joke and say, “love,” was overwhelming, but Dean refrained. It would no longer be a cute quip, but rather a tragic admittance, and they both had had enough of those for one night. “Nope, sadly the first time I made it like that it was a joke. You make the best faces when you dislike a taste. It ended up backfiring, which I guess was karma.”

Cas scrunched up his nose. "You mean this face?"

Dean smiled and nodded. “That exact face.”

“Dean?” Sam called from the map room, clearly confused after such a wake up call.

“Come on,” Dean said with a nod for Cas to follow him.

Cas emptied his cup in one go and put it in the kitchen sink before he followed Dean into the map room and greeted Sam. "Sam, the angels have found Kelly. They’re bringing her to the playground. We need to make a stand there and get her back before she reaches the portal. If she crosses it, she will die instantly."

Sam nodded, still looking half asleep before Mary came in looking way more ready and awake than any of them. 

“You armed?” Dean asked her. “Because the Kelly showdown is happening now.”

“Of course.” To the surprise of everyone, she even procured an angel blade from behind her back before she looked at Cas. "You're back. Are you sure you feel up for this?"

Cas nodded before he replied tersely, "I'll manage."

“You up to zapping all three of us?” Dean asked.

"Of course. That won't be a problem." Cas walked up to them and put his hand on Dean's shoulder. He softly rubbed his thumb over it and gave him a quick smile, before he waved Mary and Sam closer. 

The moment they were all touching, Cas mojo’d them to the playground. Kelly was in the hands of two angels he’d never seen before.

Immediately Dean raised the Colt and aimed it at the tall one’s head. “Let her go.”

The angel scoffed. "Not going to happen, Winchester. She is coming with–"

Castiel's blade pierced the angel's forehead where he had thrown it, and he screamed as his light radiated from him, letting go of Kelly the second he died. Cas quickly pushed the other angel away as he got in front of Kelly.

In that moment the portal opened and another angel appeared. "Castiel, Stop!"

Cas turned around and frowned at the other angel before he murmured, "Joshua?"

“Castiel, you must cease this nonsense. You continue to side against your brothers, and for what?” Joshua asked as he stepped closer. 

Dean drew closer in case Cas needed back up.

"What you're doing is wrong. We may have a solution for saving both the mother and the child's life. Since when do we kill the innocent, Joshua?"

“And what if your plan fails, Castiel? Like it has so often?” Joshua stepped closer to them and Dean could see Cas visibly tense.

“You recently lost someone. Someone who is in Heaven right now. Wouldn’t you want to come back and see him?” Joshua offered.

_ Shit.  _ Dean was going to have to check if his Mom was psychic later. When Cas looked to Dean, all he could do was shrug helplessly. He had faith his friend would do the right thing, and it was likely Dean’s own heartache that stopped him from saying how bad of an idea it was.

"Of course I want to see him," Cas replied finally and Dean thought he was going to have a heart attack. "But if I got two innocent souls killed just so I could see him again, I wouldn't be the angel he loved."

Dean let out a sigh of relief that was echoed by Sam and Mary. “You’re outnumbered, Buddy. Might as well let her come with us,” he addressed this Joshua guy.

In that moment, ten more angels appeared through the portal and Joshua shrugged. "I think you're the ones who are outnumbered. I don't want to kill you. Just give us Kelly."

Dean shook his head and aimed at the closest angel. “We don’t want any more deaths. Let us leave with Kelly and you won’t have any more brothers to bury. If not? Yeah, we might lose, but I’m taking at least half of you with me.”

Joshua nodded at the other angels and they started to attack. One of them quickly charged at Cas and slammed him to the ground. Cas wasn't fast enough this time, he wasn’t going to be able to dodge the other angel's blade.

Without hesitation Dean shot the fucker just in time. Unfortunately he was so distracted, he didn’t catch the two fucks coming up on either side of him. Suddenly, blinding white hot pain hit as Dean was stabbed through the shoulder. “Fuck!”

"Dean!" Cas cried out, and suddenly his friend was by his side, pushing himself between Dean's attacker and him, before he used his blade to kill one of the other angels. The second angel cut Cas's shoulder before Sam stabbed him from behind. 

A golden freakishly bright light made everybody freeze and turn away before Joshua suddenly yelled, "Stop!" 

Dean froze when he saw Kelly with golden glowing eyes, standing right next to the portal and Joshua. 

"No," Cas breathed out.

Joshua held up his hands. "Please stop fighting!" 

The remaining angels seemed to be confused, but they followed Joshua’s command and returned to the portal. 

Dean grabbed Cas by the forearm and helped him up. “This can’t be good.”

"Please don't kill her, Joshua. I beg you," Castiel pleaded, but Joshua shook his head.

"No... I saw the Nephilim. I saw his intentions. You were right. He  _ has  _ to be born," Joshua whispered in awe.

Cas gave Dean a confused look. "What?"

Dean shook his head, just as confused as Cas. “Dude, I don’t know about this.”

"I want to thank you all for defending her. You were right. The baby has to be born. We will take her somewhere safe and look after her," Joshua explained with a soft smile.

Dean leaned in close to Cas and whispered, “Is this a trick?”

Cas shook his head. "No, he is not lying. He is completely genuine. You saw the golden light... maybe the Nephilim somehow... I don't know... did this."

Well, that sounded even less like a good thing. If that baby could control and influence people from inside the womb… Dean’s eyes widened as he looked from Cas to Sam to Mary. “I have no idea how to play this.”

Sam and Mary looked equally helpless before Cas suggested, "We could look after them. The bunker is the safest place on earth."

Joshua shook his head. "You would just try to drain his power."

Cas gave Dean a help-seeking look before he answered, “I promise, we won’t. We’ll take care of them.”

“Uh, yeah. Scout’s honor,” Dean said as he raised his hand in pledge, despite still being super confused. 

Joshua traded a look with Kelly, who gave him a soft smile. “I want to go with them. Jack wants Castiel to look after him.”

Cas gave Dean another quick and confused look as Kelly added, “But I think you should allow him to go back and say his goodbyes.”

Dean could hear how Cas inhaled sharply and tensed up, until Joshua nodded. “Alright. I will allow Castiel to come back. The Winchesters can take you with them.”

Cas pulled away from Dean, sounding breathless as he promised, “I will come back to you.”

Dean nodded, weirdly terrified in that moment. Not just for Cas, but for himself. “Be safe.”

Cas nodded before he stepped in front of him and hugged him tightly, whispering, "I promise."

“I’d understand if you don’t,” Dean breathed out, clinging to Cas a little longer than was appropriate, considering the situation and their company. He drew back and patted Cas’s shoulder before he cleared his throat and looked away.

"I know you would," Cas murmured, Dean could feel as he turned and walked away. Dean couldn't watch him leave, so he waited until Sam was next to him, grabbing his shoulder. He didn't say anything, and for that Dean was grateful.

When he finally got the balls to look up, seeing Cas gone made the fucked up situation all the more real for him. Dean swallowed dryly and sighed. “Should we wait here for him, or…”

Sam shook his head. “Let’s head back. We don’t know how long it will take for him to get back, and he can fly, so…”

Dean nodded. “Alright. I’ll go steal us a car.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas could feel Dean's longing in the back of his mind like a familiar companion. For a long time he had no idea what it meant, but now he was painfully aware of it. 

In the past, he had believed the reason was that Dean's life was in constant danger and there was something unconscious in his mind that kept praying to Cas for assistance. He knew Dean wasn’t aware he was doing it, and Cas never mentioned it to him. Over the years he had selfishly enjoyed this feeling, had treasured that there was a part of Dean that needed him, no matter how much they were fighting at the time.

But now… about to enter Mick’s Heaven, he shut it out for the first time in his life. His hand was shaking as he opened the door and slowly stepped inside. 

He was bombarded by warmth, a quaint little flat that appeared to be in a more rural part of the English countryside, if the view from the large bay window was any indication. The furniture was lived in, possibly used, but added a touch of heart to the inviting little flat. 

Mick’s flat in London had been beautiful, elegant and chic, while also having a warmth that he always felt from the man. This place? This was a home.

Hardwood floors reflected a little bit of sunshine. Varied paintings on the wall, mismatched with no rhyme or reason to them. And a large grand piano in the middle of the sitting room. Cas approached it, running his fingers over the keys with a fondness that gripped his heart.

“Castiel?” a wonderfully familiar voice asked.

Cas swallowed, slowly turning around to Mick. “Mick,” he whispered. In a second he was right in front of him, pulling him into a tight hug. “Mick…” He had no idea what to say, now that he could finally feel him in his arms again.

“What are you doing here, love?”

Cas leaned back and cupped his face, he couldn't stop the tear from running down his face. "I missed you so much. I needed to see you. Joshua... another seraph, was kind enough to let me visit you." 

Mick smiled and cupped his cheek. “Oh, love. I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you; it’s–”

“Mick?” another voice called out. A young man stepped into the room, no older than his late twenties, looking at the pair of them with a slightly bemused expression.

Mick smiled at him and said, “Aidan. This is Castiel.”

Of course Aidan was here with Mick. Humans shared their Heaven with their loved ones. Cas stepped back from Mick and nodded at the other man with a smile. "It's nice to meet you." And he meant it. It made him happy that Mick wasn't alone up here.

“I’m so glad you’re alive,” Mick said, gently taking his hand in his.

Cas rubbed his thumb over Mick's hand. "I killed Mr. Ketch." He shook his head. "Did you know this could happen? That they would kill you because of me?"

Mick shook his head. “I should have known. When they told me to kill you and I defied them…”

Cas bit his lower lip and inhaled deeply before he pulled him close again. "I wish I could have saved you... if I had known... I just miss you so much, Mick."

“Oh, darling. I’m sorry we never got the chance to see the future we wanted.”

"Me too," Cas rubbed his tears away before he looked down. "I know you're going to be okay up here. I just needed to see you one more time... to say goodbye."

Mick cupped his face. “Maybe your Gérald will come through for you.”

Cas leaned forward to kiss Mick's forehead. "I'm not sure I want that, though."

“Well, then I hope you find the happiness you deserve. And you do deserve it, Castiel.” Mick leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “Thank you for my second chance.”

Cas held on to Mick, kissing him one more time, while he tried to memorize the feeling of it. "Thank you for giving me so much happiness, even if it was just for a short time. I know what love feels like because of you. You were right that it was worth it."

Mick nodded. “Go keep the world safe, my love.”

Cas nodded, pressing his forehead against Mick's before he looked at his beautiful eyes one more time. "I will."

He didn't turn back when he left, because he knew Mick was okay now. He tried to take comfort in that knowledge, but his heart was still breaking with the finality of it.

Joshua was waiting for him outside, giving him a long, searching look. He rolled his eyes and turned away from him. The last thing Cas needed right now was to talk to another angel. "Don't worry. I'm going back to look after Kelly and her baby now."

“You don’t have to play the martyr anymore, Castiel. If you want to visit you can come back home anytime,” Joshua offered.

Cas shook his head before he spread his wings. “My home isn't here anymore. One day, I will come back. When my family is up here too. But as long as they are on earth, my home is with them."

He didn't wait for a reply, instead he flew right back to the bunker. He needed to be around his family now. 

He just couldn't bear to be alone today.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Dean couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so awkward in his own home. Between Kelly becoming their inadvertent roommate and Cas being… well, mopey was the word that came to mind… Life at the bunker was a little uncomfortable.

Cas hadn’t said more than a few words to any of them, and that was when he bothered to leave his room. It had been three days, and Dean was starting to get worried. It’s not like there was a time limit on grief, but the longer Cas hid away from everyone, the more freaked Dean got.

So that’s how he found himself on the fourth night, holding a couple of beers and knocking on Cas’s door.

“Cas? Can I come in?”

He heard some shuffling and a muffled, "One moment!" before he could hear more shuffling and footsteps. When Cas finally opened the door, he looked completely disheveled. He was only wearing his dress shirt and pants, but the shirt was untucked on one side, the other haphazardly stuffed into his pants. His cheeks were tinged a red hue as he breathlessly murmured, “Hello, Dean.”

Dean furrowed his brow. “You okay? I can leave you alone?”

"I'm okay." Cas looked away, carding his hands through his hair, leaving it more messed up than before. "Did you need me for something?"

He held up the beers. “Wanted to see if you wanted some company.”

"Oh, um…" He looked back at his room and Dean could see that his bed sheets were rumpled, his blanket twisted into a roll on one side of the bed. "Sure. Come in. Let me just..." Cas went back inside and folded the blanket on the end of the bed.

Dean looked around; he’d never seen the guy’s room so messy before. He placed the beers on Cas’s bedside table and looked at him. “Are you doing okay?”

Cas climbed onto his bed and leaned against the headboard, gesturing with his hand for Dean to sit next to him as he switched on the TV. "I'm trying to adjust. It's not easy."

Handing Cas the beer, Dean crawled onto the other side of the bed. “I know. I’m just worried about you.”

"Thanks," Cas murmured as he opened the beer and took a sip. "I don't want you to be worried. Other people lose loved ones too and somehow manage, right? It's got to get better at some point."

Dean nodded and took a gulp of his beer. “Maybe not better, but easier.”

“I'm still waiting for that to happen. So far, it's just a living hell," Cas replied in a sarcastic tone before he shook his head. "Sorry... I'm just... I don't know. Tired, I guess."

“Do you want me to go?” he asked as he moved to get up.

Cas wrapped his hand around his wrist to stop him. "No. Please stay." He looked at him, giving him a half smile. "I'm glad you're here."

Dean returned the smile and nodded. “Okay.”

"Do you want to watch some TV? I think your favorite show is about to start. The one with the doctors and the sex."

He chuckled. “Alright. Let’s watch some Dr. Sexy.”

Cas smiled at that, and it was nice to see him smile for a change. He changed the channel, scrunching up his nose as the opening credits of Dr. Sexy started to play. "If you ever got hurt and I couldn't heal you, I would never let you stay in that hospital."

“What kind of friend are you?” Dean asked in feigned shock.

"One who wants you to stay alive." Cas pointed at the screen where Dr. Sexy was making out with a nurse on the operating table. "That is just unsanitary."

Dean chuckled. “I might die of a staph infection, but at least I’d get laid.”

"You could have that without needing to die for it," Cas flashed him a smirk before drinking more of his beer.

“True story,” he said as he tapped the neck of his bottle against Cas’s.

Cas took in a deep breath before he looked at Dean. "Do you want to go out? To a bar?"

Dean quirked his brow and gave him a questioning look. “Do  _ you?” _

"Yeah." Cas shrugged. "I've been stewing here the whole time and it's not getting any better. I think I want to go out, drink a lot, and find someone to have sex with."

He sure as hell couldn’t judge that sort of coping. Dean nodded. “Sure. Let me grab my wallet and jacket.”

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas slid from the bed and used his grace to fix his overall appearance. He looked almost like himself again, with the whole trench coat get-up, standing in front of a mirror, fixing his hair and giving himself a skeptical-looking once over.

Dean shook his head. “You wanna get laid? T-shirt and jeans. No one wants to bang a tax accountant.”

Cas squinted his eyes at Dean before he looked back at the mirror. His voice sounded quiet when he replied, “Mick did.”

_ Same here.  _ Dean knew better than to say that out loud. 

After a moment he roughly flung his coat onto a chair and added, “But you're right. I'm not looking for someone who likes me for who I am.”

He opened his dresser and pulled out the one pair of jeans he owned and changed into them. “Not sure if this t-shirt will work.” He held up an ugly green one, from christ knows where. 

“Yeah, no.” Dean opened Cas’s door. “Come to my room, we’ll get you something of mine.” 

Without looking back, Dean crossed the hallway to his own room and opened the drawer with all his t-shirts. He found the faded Led Zeppelin tee and tossed it to Cas. “There you go.”

Cas caught it easily, his white dress shirt hanging open, revealing nice tanned skin and Cas’s tattoo.

“Thank you,” Cas mumbled as he slowly slipped out of his dress shirt, his eyes never leaving Dean’s until he pulled the t-shirt over his head.

Dean raked his eyes over Cas. The shirt fit him well, hugging him in all the right places. “Yeah, much better.” He grabbed the keys to Baby. “Is there a particular place you wanna go?”

Cas shook his head. “Just somewhere with people and alcohol is fine.”

“Alright. Uh… gay or straight bar?” Dean was clearly in the Twilight Zone even asking that question, but considering everything…

Cas looked thoughtful, as if he never thought about that. “Is every bar divided like that?”

Dean shrugged. “It’s not like you can’t be gay and go to a straight bar, but if you want a dude, a gay bar is probably safer.”

Cas chewed on his lower lip, something he did more often lately when he thought about something. “I never thought about if I have a preference, but considering my history… okay, gay bar then. Are you sure you’re okay with that?” He flashed him a worried look.

“Do I really come off that homophobic?”

Cas’s head tilt quickly turned into a shake. “I asked because I want you to have fun too. You seemed to be more comfortable with women. Am I wrong?”

“Well, no. But who’s to say I wouldn’t have fun at a gay bar? Never been to one.” Dean smiled and started heading to the garage. “Google to see what gay bars are near here.”

Cas nodded and held up a finger. "Be right back with you. I forgot my things in my coat."

Cas quickly darted back to his room, and Dean couldn't stop himself from appreciating his friend in jeans again.

When he got back, Dean laughed. “What did you forget?”

“Phone, wallet… and condoms.” Cas took in a deep breath before he added, “Which I wouldn't need as an angel considering diseases are inconsequential for me, but Mick made me promise to look after myself.”

“Smart man,” Dean said as he opened the car door. He slipped inside and started her engine, letting her warm up before putting her in reverse to back out of the garage.

Cas was scrolling through his phone when he mumbled, “Closest bar is thirty minutes from here, Chains and Roses…” Cas looked up at Dean with a smirk. “Sounds like a weird kind of dungeon to me.”

Dean shrugged. “If that’s what you’re into.”

“I was chained up so often in my life, pretty sure I'm not into it,” Cas murmured thoughtfully. “But in this case, I think the name is misleading. It looks like a nice bar from the photos,” he added before telling Dean the address.

As he pulled out onto the road, he flashed a smile at Cas. “We’ve never really gotten to do this before. The closest was when I took you to that brothel, and the one time a few weeks back, but uh… I don’t know if that counts.”

Cas chuckled when he mentioned the brothel. He gave him a wistful smile. “You’re right; we should do this more often. I enjoy spending time with you… I already feel better.”

“Good,” Dean said as he hooked a left onto the freeway. The bar was a twenty minute drive or so. “I’m looking forward to just having a drink without it meaning disaster is on its way.”

"Yeah, we might be lucky and get a break for a couple months. We should make the most of it."

“Did I just hear, ‘trip to Vegas’?” Dean waggled his eyebrows.

"Isn't that the city where you get married without thinking about the consequences?" Cas replied with a sad smile.

Dean nodded. “That’s one of the many things that happens. For me? It’s a place to drink and maybe hit up a strip club or ten.”

"We should do it then," Cas replied in a serious voice. "Life is too short to just dream about things."

“Damn right. I’m looking forward to making normal human mistakes. Instead of ones that cause the world to end.”

"That would be a nice change," Cas murmured before he looked out of the window with a thoughtful expression.

Dean plugged in the tape and let the music fill the empty spaces between them. As the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra started playing  _ Rock You Like A Hurricane,  _ Dean smiled. He loved this album.

Cas raised his eyebrow and looked at Dean. “I haven't heard this before.”

“Yeah, it’s the Scorpions playing live with the Berlin Philharmonic backing them up. Classic rock and classical music makes a beautiful sound.”

Cas leaned back and closed his eyes, a small smile on his lips. "Yes, it does... I don't think I ever told you, but I love classical music. I always have, even before..." He didn't finish the sentence, but Dean could see Cas swallow thickly and look out of the window again.

Dean patted Cas’s knee. “Yeah, it’s good stuff. Not really my thing unless it’s merged with rock, but I get why people dig it.”

Cas didn't say anything for a while before he finally murmured, "Mick shares his Heaven with Aidan... his first true love."

_ Fuck. _ No wonder Cas was so mopey. “Shit, Cas. I’m sorry, man.”

Cas shook his head. "I'm happy he isn't alone... but I'm also... " He rubbed his hand over his face before he continued, "It also made me realize that I will always end up alone."

“No, you won’t. You got me. You can hang out in my Heaven with me, drinking beer and shooting pool.”

For the first time Cas smiled at him. A real smile, with no lingering sadness. "Are you sure?"

Dean nodded. “Hell yeah. I’m not gonna have a soul mate or whatever waiting for me.”

"But you'll always have me," Cas whispered with a small smile.

“Then who needs a soulmate?” Dean winked before focusing on the road again, humming along to  _ Send Me an Angel. _ Well done, universe.

He didn't expect Cas to suddenly chuckle. "That was pretty fitting."

Dean grinned. “It’s the song that always makes me think of you,” he confessed.

Cas looked away, but Dean managed to see the smile and the way Cas rubbed the back of his neck. After a moment Cas murmured, "I may just drink something in that bar... I'm not sure about the other endeavor."

“Whatever you wanna do,” he said, hoping the glee was out of his tone. Dean would happily support Cas no matter what, but he’d be lying if he said he was happy to get him laid by other people.

"I miss having sex... but I'm not sure if it's the same with someone I don't know," Cas confessed quietly. He tilted his head, as if he were pondering something. "Plus, I think it helped that Mick knew I was an angel. It made everything a lot easier."

Dean furrowed his brow. “Angels don’t have sex differently.”

"No, but it can be different," Cas replied cryptically. "And I don't know... the fact that Mick knew about me, made me less nervous about it. I knew I could just ask things I didn't know about without being judged or getting weird looks."

_ Don’t fucking do it.  _ Dean thought as his mouth completely ignored his brain and said, “Well,  _ I _ know you’re an angel.”

"I know you d–"  _ And he got it.  _ Cas looked at him with wide eyes and parted lips before he asked, "What are you implying?"

_ Take the out.  _ Dean shrugged. “Um, sorry. That’s probably weird and super inappropriate.”

Cas rubbed his neck again, not looking at him as he murmured, "It's not like I have never thought about it."

“Yeah, me either.”

Cas glanced over to him, his lower lip trapped between his teeth. “If we do this… it would just be sex, right?”

And the clincher. Dean knew he’d fucked up with Cas, and while it was a bad idea, the absolute worst idea in the history of everything, it didn’t stop Dean from saying, “Yeah. Of course. We wouldn’t even have to kiss or anything.”

Cas squinted his eyes at him and Dean noticed that his friend’s breathing was shallow, he seemed damn nervous. “This is a bad idea,” he murmured before he repeated, “A very bad idea, but now I can’t stop thinking about it.”

Dean knew exactly how he felt. “Well, it’s your call. I promise to keep it casual.”

The silence between them was awkward before Cas finally breathed out, "Okay... I would like that. But if it’s too much for you… I want you to tell me."

“Same here.” Dean let out a sigh of relief and nervously tapped the steering wheel. “Still want to hit the bar?”

Cas glanced at him with a light smirk. "Not even a little bit."

“Alright,” he said as he pulled a u-turn and started heading back. “So, uh... I’ve never had gay sex before, so I don’t really know if I could answer any questions you have.”

Cas shook his head. "I already know everything I wanted to know, so that doesn't matter anymore... Are you sure you want to do this? That you would like it?"

Dean shrugged. “Only one way to find out, right?”

Cas nodded, chewing his lips as he looked up at the car ceiling. "You probably don't have a preference since you’ve never had sex with a man before?"

“I guess not? I mean, I’m not vanilla or anything. I’ve done kinky shit with women.”

Cas gave him a look like he only understood about half of that before he said, "My only experience is with being the... 'top'. But I wouldn't mind switching if that's a problem for you."

Dean shrugged. “We could play it by ear.”

Cas nodded and rubbed his palms over his knees. "Yeah, that's a... a good idea... How far are we from the bunker?"

“About ten minutes.” Dean chuckled and smirked at Cas.

“What?” His friend smirked back. “Don’t tell me you’re entirely relaxed about this?”

Dean smiled and shook his head. “Not even a little bit, but I’m better at playing it cool than you.”

“Good to know. I guess this is one of the poker face occasions?” Cas asked before he pulled his stony, expressionless face.

Dean barked out a laugh. “Well done.”

“Thank you,” Cas replied dryly, his face still expressionless. “Maybe this will come in handy if we ever visit Las Vegas.”

“Oh, hell yeah. Let’s pull a  _ Rain Man.” _

Cas squinted his eyes at him before he imitated Dustin Hoffman’s voice, “Of course, you can't have pancakes without maple syrup.”

At that Dean’s smile brightened. “You remembered.”

“You made me watch that movie twice, Dean.” 

“Well, it’s a damn good movie. And you didn’t bitch once about it, so I’m guessing you liked it. Both times.” Dean poked his tongue out at Cas.

"I did. Raymond reminds me a lot of myself sometimes," Cas replied with a soft smile.

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, and I’m too much like Charlie for my own good sometimes.”

“We should do that again. Movie night. I miss it," Cas admitted after a moment. 

“Just say when. There’s about a million flicks I’d love to make you watch.” Dean smiled at Cas as he made a turn toward the street behind the bunker. They were almost home.

Cas chewed on his lower lip again, looking as nervous as Dean felt. "Is kissing off the table?"

Dean looked at him for a moment, his heart hammering in his chest. “Only if you want it off the table.”

Cas shook his head. "Not really. I can't imagine being intimate with you... without kissing you."

The urge to pump his fist in triumph was overwhelming. Instead, Dean just smiled and turned his attention back to the road. “Good.”

The tension between them was palpable when he finally parked the Impala in the garage and shut down the engine. Neither of them moved for a moment before he could feel Cas’s hand covering his, intertwining their fingers.

“Dean?” Cas asked quietly, his other hand moving to Dean’s neck. His fingertips ever so gentle on his skin.

Dean chanced a look at him. “Yeah, Cas?”

Cas slid the hand from his neck forward to Dean’s cheek, rubbing his thumb over it as he just looked at him. Blue eyes full of question, excitement, and something a little more primal. He slowly leaned forward before he gently kissed the edge of his mouth. “Let’s go back to my room,” he murmured against his cheek.

Without hesitating, Dean turned his face and captured Cas’s lips in a kiss. The kind of kiss that makes your lips tingle. Like a buzz of electricity that sparks when the two conductors come into contact.

Cas instantly pulled him closer, parting his lips with a hitched breath as he licked over Dean's lips, begging for entrance.

Which he granted as he tangled his hand in Cas’s hair to pull him closer. Dean sighed into the kiss when their tongues collided. The nervous energy quickly became something more calming, connective. Their shared insecurities quickly turned into shared appreciation, passion.

Dean moved to straddle Cas’s hips as they started making out in the cramped space of a car like a couple of horny teenagers. All they needed now was a cop or something to tap on the window. The thought made Dean chuckle, and Cas drew back with an adorable head tilt.

Before he could ask, Dean dove in and kissed him again.

Cas answered with heat and passion, kissing him back so thoroughly it made him happy that he was sitting, otherwise he knew his legs would give out. Fuck, Cas was an amazing kisser and the thought made him realize that  – yes, he was really kissing Cas! And not only that, but kissing another man was a fuck lot hotter than he’d imagined. But then again, it could also be because it was Cas’s lips. Those sexy, chapped lips that were incredibly soft, but determined, and a clever tongue that knew exactly what it was doing.

Cas moaned into the kiss, his hands wandering from Dean’s hips up under his shirt before he leaned back, breathless, pupils blown from lust. “Dean, we should really go to my room, now.”

Dean nodded and reluctantly slipped from his lap. “Come on.”

They quickly got out of the car, and thankfully didn’t run into anyone on the way to Cas’s room. Because he didn’t want to wait a second longer to be alone with Cas. As soon as Cas closed the door, and even locked it, he pressed Dean against it to pull him into another deep kiss, his fingers finding the hem of his t-shirt, pulling it up.

Dean helped him by yanking it up and off, going for his jeans immediately after. He chuckled as he started pulling them down, and leaned forward for another kiss.

By the time Cas had walked him to his bed, Dean was clad only in his underwear, hopping on one foot to get rid of his last sock, while Cas was already down to his boxers. Cas sank to his knees and kissed along Dean's stomach, sucking the skin over his hip bone as he slowly pulled down Dean’s boxers, freeing his already hard cock.

“Fuck, Cas,” he groaned as he carded his hand through the angel’s hair.

Cas looked up at him, a playful smile on his lips before he licked the underside of Dean’s cock, his fingers sliding to play with Dean’s balls before moving further to his ass. He could feel Cas’s index finger gently sliding over his rim, radiating a warm weird feeling. It felt amazing, and all his nerve endings started to tingle.

Dean’s head lolled back as he groaned. He parted his legs further, giving Cas silent permission to keep going.

Cas didn’t though. He got up and pulled him into another quick kiss, that left him breathless, before he murmured, “Lay down on the bed, on your back, and spread your legs for me.”

Dean nodded mutely, really digging how aggressive and dominating Cas was. He sprawled out on the bed, spread-eagle as he propped himself up on his elbows and watched Cas. “I can’t believe this is happening.” He hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

Cas grabbed a tube of lube from his drawer before he joined him on the bed, lying down next to him and bracing himself on one elbow, placing the other hand on Dean’s thigh. “You still want this, right?” Cas asked quietly, sliding his fingers to Dean’s balls and between his legs again.

“Fuck yes,” he breathed out.

Cas smiled and leaned down for a deep kiss. When Cas’s tongue slid over his, the electricity was back as sparks coursed through his whole body. He could feel Cas part his ass cheeks, gently teasing his rim again, just for a moment, before he drew back only to return with fingertips coated in lube. The next time he pressed them against his rim, they were warm and wet. “Tell me what you want, Dean,” Cas growled.

“You,” he whined as he arched up into the touch. Dean was slowly unraveling, and while he was a little terrified, his implicit trust in Cas drowned out that fear.

Cas slid closer, wrapping his other arm around him to draw him near and into a quick kiss. “Just relax and let me in. I promise I won’t hurt you,” he breathed against Dean’s lips. His finger put a little more pressure against his hole, a teasing circular motion as the warmth from Cas’s fingers intensified, relaxing Dean more and more. 

“I know you won’t,” Dean murmured as he kissed him again, getting a little addicted to the way Cas kissed.

When Cas licked inside of his mouth again, he slowly pushed a finger inside. Cas swallowed Dean’s gasp at the sensation that was less foreign than Dean cared to admit. On pure instinct Dean pulled back from the sensation at first, but Cas held him tight so he couldn’t move, shushing against his lips. “You’re doing fine, Dean. You will feel much more relaxed in a moment.” Again the strange warmth from Cas’s finger tingled inside of him, and he could actually feel his muscles relax.

Cas was using his mojo on him. 

“Holy shit,” he groaned as the uncomfortable sensation made way for pleasure. Why the hell hadn’t he tried this years ago?

And then it got unbelievably better when Cas worked his finger deeper and rubbed it over his prostate.

“Fuck!” Dean bucked up as his fingers twisted into the sheets.

“That’s the benefit of having sex with an angel. I can get you to relax much faster, and we don’t have to wait as long for me to finally…” Cas leaned closer to his ear before he growled, “fuck you.”

Dean moaned at the combination of the sensations and conjured images of Cas’s filthy mouth. “Sweet Jesus.”

Cas began working in a second finger as he leaned back and looked at Dean with a smug grin. “You like when I talk like that. Your heart rate just spiked.”

“Hell yeah, I do,” he breathed out. 

Cas pulled him into an open mouthed kiss, one that swept him away like a hurricane. Or a house spinning tornado. Dean’s brain was slowly starting to fog from the haze of pleasure, so much so he pretty much didn’t realize Cas had already worked a third finger into him. He felt so full, and the pleasure from a deft finger stimulating his prostate was overwhelmingly awesome. 

When he started to rock his hips back on Cas’s fingers, Cas pulled them out of him before he leaned back and spread lube on his surprisingly big cock. 

There was a tremor of excitement mixed in with a little bit of fear. He took in a shaky breath and carded his hand through Cas’s hair. “Kiss me,” he begged.

Cas slid over him, smile soft before he gave him a gentle, comforting kiss that immediately started to calm him down. He intertwined their hands, pressing Dean’s above his head and into the sheet. Dean could feel the head of Cas’s cock pushing at his hole, as Cas pressed his forehead against Dean’s. “Do you still want me?” he asked breathlessly. 

“Yes,” he breathed out, never having meant something more in his entire life. In that moment. Now. Always.  _ Forever. _

Cas squeezed their intertwined hands as he slowly pushed into him, his lips ghosting over Dean's before he drew him into a breathtaking kiss.

When he bottomed out, Dean gasped into the kiss, completely lost to all sensation. This first step, not only just for him, but with Cas. This was taking their relationship to a level he never dreamed possible.

Cas started to move slowly, rocking into him with soft moans that were muffled by their kisses. He leaned back to look at him, blue eyes almost black from lust, and full of awe. “Dean,” he whispered, “you feel incredible…” 

Cas slid one of the hands that was holding Dean down, gently over his palm and down his arm before he touched his forehead, his finger starting to glow faintly. “This is how I feel.”

And suddenly Dean was drowning in what Cas was feeling, like a blanket of warmth and pleasure. Dean gasped and looked at him in amazement. With every thrust Dean’s vision tilted from the joint pleasure he was feeling. “Cas!”

Cas let go of Dean’s other hand to cup his face, rubbing his thumb over his cheek before he drew him into a deep but tender kiss. And everything Cas was feeling in that shared moment intensified. It wasn’t just the pleasure and lust, but also this overwhelming swelling of affection… of the love he felt for Dean. He knew it was Cas’s feelings because they were underlined with such a stifling guilt, so much pain... it took his breath away. 

Cas broke the connection, nuzzling his nose against Dean’s cheek before he grabbed Dean’s hands again to hold them and to press them back into the sheets. “Dean,” he breathed out as he picked up the pace. 

“I’m so close,” Dean groaned as he bucked up into the thrusts. 

Cas gasped, breathing hard against Dean’s lips as he murmured, “Me too.” He licked into Dean’s mouth and fucked him harder and faster, sliding one of his hands between them to wrap his fingers around Dean’s cock, stroking it.

And that was all it took. The combination of pleasure, the way Cas was fucking into him, and his slightly calloused palm around his neglected dick brought Dean to completion. He cried out Cas’s name, and a string of unintelligible words, as he came.

The light bulb next to Cas’s bed exploded when Cas’s hips stilled, and he came with a low moan, keeping his eyes on Dean the whole time. 

As Cas came down, Dean pulled him into a frantic kiss, losing himself to everything he was feeling in that moment. The feeling of being sated, completed. Everything that surrounded him. Realizing in that moment that even though his head knew better than to start expecting anything more from this new step, his heart had no intention of accepting it.

After a long moment Cas finally pulled out of him and cleaned them up with a soft touch to his cheek, before he slid to his side and drew him closer. “That was incredible… I'm sorry about the lamp.”

Dean barked out a laugh. “That was you?”

Cas looked slightly embarrassed as he nodded and answered, “Yes, I kind of lost control for a moment.”

Sometimes Dean forgot that Cas wasn’t just another guy, but that he was a creature, a creature who could burn a person’s eyes out just by looking at his true form.

“I hope we can do this again,” Cas whispered shyly. “I mean… if you'd like.”

Dean nodded and smiled a little dopily. “Hell yeah. I’m always down. I never knew gay sex could be so awesome.”

“I never thought about it like that, but I notice sex can be a lot better if you do it with someone you love.” Cas let his fingers slide tenderly over Dean’s chest. “Because then every moment of touching someone is special, to watch how your loved one succumbs to the pleasure you're giving him.” Cas bit his lower lip as he looked at Dean. “I don’t think I want to stop seeing you like that.”

Dean furrowed his brow and looked at Cas in bemusement. “Cas? Are you… what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that, I've loved you for a very long time now. And there is a part of me that still wants to be with you. But there is also a part that is terrified about being with someone I love again. I'm not sure if I'm ready.” Cas shook his head before he corrected himself, “I'm not ready, and I need you to be patient with me.”

Dean grabbed his hand and held it. “If it makes you feel any better, I’m fucking terrified. Winchesters and love are a bad combination.”

Cas gave him a quick smile before he shook his head. “It doesn’t make me feel better. Not at all.” 

He sighed deeply and pulled Dean closer. “It doesn’t matter about my feelings though. I still get hurt, I still suffer when something happens to you, no matter if we are together or not.”

“Ain’t it a bitch?” Dean leaned up and looked at Cas. “Your call. Your speed. If you decide you don’t want to try, I’ll support you. I’m done not giving you the benefit of the doubt. Not trusting you.”

Cas smiled softly. “I’m glad to hear you trust me.” He looked away for a moment, looking hesitant. “I want to try, but not right away. It’s too soon, and I don’t want to burden you with my grief.”

“Casual. Occasional sex without the rules or restrictions of a relationship. Got it.”

Cas gave him a thoughtful look before he shook his head. “No, not exactly. I don’t want you to have sex with other people, and I won’t either. I’m asking you to wait for me.” 

Dean smiled and nodded. “I can do that.”

“Good." Cas smiled at him before he leaned over and kissed him again. "Would you sleep here... in my bed?"

“You want me to?”

Cas nodded shyly before he breathed out, "Yes."

Dean was relieved, and he’d be damned if he said he wasn’t glad Cas didn’t see Dean sleeping over as too fast. He rolled onto his side and looked at Cas. “I’m glad you want me to stay.”

Cas looked away for a moment before he whispered, "I'm not good with being alone... especially during the night."

_ Oh. _ Well, that made way more sense. Dean nodded and pulled the blanket up. He was going to have to stop opening himself up as much. “Sure. I don’t mind helping you out.”

Cas licked over his own lips and looked up at him, squinting his eyes. "Dean. It's not just because of that... I like to be close to you. I'm glad you're staying."

“Look, Cas,” he started with a sigh, “I get what this is. I’m not faulting you for it. And you don’t have to say crap to make up for it or whatever. I’m aware, and I’m on board. I told you.”

Cas nodded slowly before he drew Dean closer and let his lips ghost over Dean’s, going in for a soft and hesitant kiss. “Kissing you feels a lot better than I imagined,” he murmured before he drew back to slide his thumb over Dean’s lower lip.

Dean smiled softly. “I get that, too.”

Cas pressed his thumb softly against Dean's lip and bit down on his own, before he started to kiss along Dean's throat and to his collarbone. His stubble scratched over Dean's sensitive skin when Cas licked over his nipple, continuing his trail down his body.

He couldn’t help but let out a breathy chuckle. “Guess I should’ve known angels don’t have refractory periods,” he said as he carded his hand through Cas’s hair.

Cas hummed, kissing around Dean's navel before he looked up. "We don't, but don't worry, I know humans do. I'm just trying to add new freckles to your skin, but I fear the saying about freckles being created by angel kisses is a myth."

Dean barked out a laugh. “I like that you gave it a shot.”

“I’m not giving up that easily,” Cas murmured before he sucked a mark onto Dean’s hipbone.

He let out a soft hiss of appreciation and bucked his hips up slightly. “Pretty sure you’re confusing hickeys with freckles.”

“I'm trying to mark you. It doesn't matter how," Cas replied with a smile before his attention and lips were on Dean's other hipbone.

Dean chuckled. “I’m not gonna stop ya’.”

Cas sucked another mark on Dean's skin before he licked and kissed over it, admiring his work. He slid down the bed a little further, his gaze wandering over Dean's cock before stopping at his thigh. Cas licked over his own lips again before he leaned forward and sucked a mark on the inner side of his thigh.

His breath hitched as there was a slight stirring in his groin from Cas’s ministrations. “Shit, Cas.”

Cas raised his eyebrow at him when he looked up. "Do you want me to stop?"

“Not even a little bit. Hell, I’m still open if you wanna fuck me again.” Dean was going to ask Sam later if angels were part siren.

Cas tilted his head, but his lips were parted and he was breathing harder now. "Are you sure? Wouldn't that be uncomfortable for you?"

“No idea, but if you want to have me again, I’m ready.”

Cas swallowed and nodded before he wrapped his hands around Dean's hips and pulled him closer, before he spread Dean’s legs apart. He spread his cheeks and let his finger slide over Dean's hole before he leaned forward and started to lick him.

“Fuck,” Dean breathed out. He’d never felt anything like it before. It was… shit, way better than he expected.

Cas circled his hole with his tongue before he started to push into him, using it to fuck him. After a short moment, he also pushed a slick finger alongside his tongue, immediately going for his prostate, rubbing over it relentlessly.

Dean moaned outright as he saw stars. “Fuck, fuck, Cas!”

Cas leaned back and looked up at Dean. "Tell me what you want, Dean," he commanded roughly.

In his daze of lust and need Dean begged, “Fuck me until I can’t form words.”

Cas gave him a quick smile before he pulled Dean up and onto his lap, roughly pushing inside of him as he pulled Dean down onto his cock. "Put your arms and legs around me."

Dean obeyed, breath ragged as he wrapped his legs around Cas’s waist, feeling him somehow go deeper. His arms around Cas’s neck were the only thing keeping him grounded. “Fuck.”

Cas wrapped his arms around him and suddenly stood up from the bed, walking over to the wall before he pushed Dean against it and started to fuck him with even harder thrusts. His eyes were almost black from lust as he pulled Dean into another deep kiss. Cas growled, "This is what I really wanted to do, every time I pushed you against a wall." 

_ Holy fuck. _ Dean practically mewled as he nodded breathlessly. “Why the fuck didn’t you?”

"Because I had no idea you would let me," Cas groaned against his lips, fucking him harder.

“Fuck,” he groaned as he thought back on every moment Cas slammed him up against a wall, finding his thoughts interrupted with each hard thrust as Cas fucked into him with abandon. “Even in that room where Zachariah held me?” 

Cas licked over Dean's lip, heated breath mingling with Dean's as he replied, "The thought crossed my mind, yes. Especially when I had my hand covering your mouth." 

Dean remembered that moment vividly. How easily and quickly he trusted Cas then. How their connection, their bond, had formed so fast. When Cas’s cock started hammering Dean’s prostate, he whimpered, “Cas, I’m so fucking close.”

Cas hummed an acknowledgement against his throat. "Do you want me to come inside you, or do you want me to come on your face?” He leaned back and growled at him, "I know your porn preferences."

“Oh, fuck,” he murmured. While, yes, he’d enjoyed porn clips where guys came on a girl’s (or guy’s) face, he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted that experience. “In me. Fuck, Cas!”

Cas drew him into another deep kiss, swallowing his moan as he licked over Dean's tongue and fucked him harder, nearly pulling all the way out before slamming right back in. He panted against Dean's lips, "Dean... you feel so good. So hot and tight; you make me crazy."

“I never knew… fuck! Just how, oh, fuck, how good it could be!” Dean was so close, he could feel it, the way his balls were tightening. If Cas touched his cock he’d probably come. Dean just held on and took the fucking.

And then Cas stopped, wrapping his arms around him to carry him back to the bed. "I want you to kneel on all fours on the bed," he commanded in a low, breathless voice.

Dean nodded mutely, trying to not focus on why he was so turned on by Cas being so take-charge and aggressive as he got on all fours, spreading his legs as wide as he could while in that position.

Cas grabbed Dean's hips and pulled him to the edge of the bed before he pushed into him again, continuing to fuck him hard. He snaked one hand around him, wrapping it around the base of Dean's cock, squeezing it lightly.

“Oh, Cas!” Dean groaned as his orgasm sideswiped him, causing Dean to shudder and clench as he painted Cas’s sheets. 

Cas gently stroked Dean's cock through his orgasm before his hand slipped back to his hip, bruising grip holding him in place as Cas started to fuck him even harder. The pressure against his oversensitive prostate was bordering on uncomfortable, but relief came as Cas finally came with a deep and low moan. As Cas slowly pulled out of him, Dean could feel Cas’s cock toying with his rim, smearing wetness, come, over his hole and ass with a satisfied hum.

Dean was fast losing strength from the intensity of two insanely hot orgasms in such a short span of time. “You’re gonna be the death of me, angel.”

Cas chuckled as he turned Dean around and pulled him up and into his arms, diving in for a long and gentle kiss. "Don't worry, I'll watch over you. I won't let you die."

“Death by awesome sex? I can think of worse ways to go.” Dean chuckled and kissed him back.

Cas leaned down and touched the bed, cleaning up all of their come before he pulled him down on the bed again and into his arms. "I'm glad you liked it. I knew watching your collection of porn on your laptop would come in handy at some point."

Dean smiled. “Who would’ve thought an invasion of my privacy would work out so well?” he teased.

“The folder said explicitly for Sam not to watch it. You didn't mention me."

At that Dean barked out a laugh. “In my defense, I never imagined an angel of the lord would watch porn.”

"It was very educational. And I think I could gather from those movies what you like." Cas smiled at him and kissed the top of his head. 

“Well, now I gotta know what you think I like based on my porn preferences,” Dean said with a smile, curling against Cas’s chest.

“You like when your sexual partner takes charge. For example, you would enjoy your partner holding you down and taking you.” Cas turned to look at him with questioning eyes. “Am I right?”

Dean gave him a pointed look. “You clearly already know that. Give me something else. What else do I like based on the porn?”

Cas licked over his lower lip before he breathed out, “You like… um, ‘dirty talk’, and there were a lot of videos with people on their knees getting come on their faces and mouths. I'm not sure if that means you want to experience that or you want to do that to someone, but considering that you like to submit to someone, I would guess it's the first option.”

Dean chuckled. “Maybe. I’ve never tried it.” He turned over slightly to look Cas more in the face. “What do you like?”

Cas seemed pretty confused about the question. "Me?"

“Yeah. You clearly like sex. What sexual acts get you going?”

Cas looked down at the sheet with a frown, his expression thoughtful for a moment before he replied, "Watching you, how you enjoy yourself. I like that very much... Is that weird?"

Dean shook his head. “No. Most people like seeing their partner get off. There’s nothing that you can think of that gets you going though? Like, if I walked out in some ‘come fuck me’ shorts?” He chuckled and waggled his eyebrows at Cas.

"I like everything about you," Cas replied dryly. “But I must confess that I really like…” Dean could have been wrong, but it looked like Cas was blushing. “I like when you submit to me.”

Dean grinned. “So it’s not just for my benefit? You like taking charge as much as I like you taking charge?”

Cas nodded with a soft smile. "You always look after everyone, and you carry all the responsibility on your shoulders. I like that you allow me to take care of you for a change. That you trust me enough that you can let go with me, without your usual wall around you to keep people at a distance. I like that you let me close.”

If Dean was completely honest, he liked that too. It’s probably why he liked aggressive sexual partners. He was so used to having to always take charge, it was refreshing when he didn’t. Dean pressed a kiss to Cas’s lips and rested his head against the angel’s chest. “I like that you take care of me.”

"Good," Cas murmured, and Dean could hear the smile on Cas's lips in the tone of his voice. "I like when you can just be yourself around me. Thank you for trusting me."

“Thanks for putting up with my crap,” he murmured through a yawn, exhaustion slowly starting to take its hold.

Cas pulled him closer and pressed his face into his hair before he murmured, "Thank you for... being here for me."

Dean smiled, and through his fucked out haze of tiredness, said, “It’s what you do for people you love.”

Cas's breathing hitched and he rubbed his hand over his chest. "Sleep well, Dean. I'll wat – "

He turned to look up at Cas, brow furrowed in confusion. “You’ll what?”

Cas shook his head. "It's nothing, Dean."

That didn’t really convince him, but Dean knew better than to push. He probably was about to say something he would have said to someone he actually loved, not the substitute that Dean was for Cas. Dean nodded and rested his head on the guy’s chest again. “Night.”

Cas sighed deeply before he murmured, "I know you don't like it when I tell you that I’ll watch over you. For a moment I forgot you're not..." He sighed again and pressed himself closer to Dean's body. "Good night, Dean."

And there it was. Cas thought he was Mick for a moment. It hurt, more than he would have thought possible. Instead of correcting him, or questioning him further, Dean sighed and closed his eyes. He didn’t really trust his voice to not crack anyway.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Golden flecks of sunlight danced over his skin with the tree moving in the wind in front of the window, filtering the light. Soft skin under his lips, quiet and broken moans music to his ears, like the faint melody of Clair de Lune coming from the hallway. Cas buried his fingers into soft black hair, lips finding Mick’s, his beard tickling. “I miss you,” he murmured, barely audibly.

Mick didn’t answer, but Cas was suddenly pushed back by an invisible force. His green eyes looked empty when his gaze met Cas’s. “I can’t be a substitute for Dean. You said he wouldn’t reciprocate your feelings, and now you’ve had sex with him.”

Cas shook his head, trying to reach out for Mick when suddenly he started bleeding from a gunshot wound to his head. His voice sounded distorted. “You can't have both, and I'm dead, Castiel. I'm dead.”

“No, please.” Cas felt his heart breaking all over again. “Please, don’t die. Don't leave me alone again, please.”

More blood ran down Mick's head. “It's too late.”

“No!” Cas cried out, startling awake in his bed, his face wet with tears.

Suddenly he was in warm arms and the calming hushing of a voice echoed around him. “Shhh, Cas. It’s okay.” It was Dean, and his heart broke further when he realized he wished it was Mick.

He pulled away from Dean when he remembered the accusation from his dream. He knew Mick didn't want him to be unhappy. He wanted him to move on, but he still couldn't shake the guilt. 

He had sex with Dean. Twice. And Mick hadn’t even been gone for… He couldn’t even finish the thought when more tears ran down his cheek. “Damn it,” he whispered before he stood up from the bed. “I’m sorry, Dean. I didn’t want to wake you.”

Dean shook his head in bleary confusion. “Where are you going?”

Cas shook his head. "I don't know. I... I..." He made a gesture to the door, but he couldn't finish the sentence. Instead, he angrily rubbed the tears away and carded his fingers through his hair. He had no idea what he should do. Everything hurt and his chest felt constricted. 

A quick glance back to Dean in his bed just made him wonder why he was being so stupid to attempt another try at a relationship. He would just end up alone again. He couldn’t go through something like this again. He just wanted the pain to stop. 

He had learned from Dean that alcohol could help. So maybe going on a bender again would be a good idea. “I just need some air.” He added, “and get something to drink.”

Dean got up and grabbed his jeans. “I’m coming with you.”

Cas rubbed his hand over his face. "No, Dean. I want to be alone."

Dean sighed and shrugged on his jeans as he grabbed his shirt. “Fine. I’ll go back to my room then.”

It was probably for the best, but that wasn't what came from his mouth. "You don't have to leave," he murmured without looking at him. 

“No,” he started with a sigh, “I really do.” He grabbed his shoes and his car keys off of the dresser. “Just so you know, you talk in your sleep.”

Cas bit his lower lip so hard that he tasted blood. All of this had been a terrible mistake. He shouldn't have had sex with Dean, for so many reasons. He knew he would end up hurting him. "I'm sorry, Dean... I don't know what to do. I just want all of this to end."

Dean folded his arms over his chest and gave him a pointed look. “Then end it. Man up, tell me I was a mistake, and start grieving over the man you loved and lost.”

Cas looked down at the ground and nodded slowly. “It’s not a mistake… but… I need more time, Dean. I need you to wait for me.”

At that Dean visibly relented, shoulders sagging in acquiescence as he let out a soft sigh. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

Cas slowly looked up at Dean. He felt like he had something stuck in his throat. “Does that mean… you won’t wait for me? That it’s really over?”

Dean shook his head. “No, that’s not what I’m saying, I mean…” he sighed again and clearly struggled with what to do with his hands. “I’m just… I’m sorry about everything. All of this.”

“Me too,” Cas replied quietly. “I… I’ll go and make you a coffee.” He needed to get out of his room. The nightmare was still clinging to him.

“Cas, no. Just… take time for yourself. I’m gonna go clean up.” Dean said as he grabbed his stuff and reached for the door.

“Dean,” Cas held him back, grabbing his shoulder. “I…” He didn’t know what to say. Dean was right. Cas needed more time. “Thank you.”

Dean nodded and patted his hand. “Get rest.”

He closed his eyes for a moment before he replied with a terse nod of his own. “Yes, alright. I… I’ll see you, um, later.” He hated how awkward it felt now, but he knew he needed time to process things. 

He stared at the door, even after Dean was long gone. He knew what they were doing wasn’t exactly healthy. He needed the time, and he didn’t want to hurt Dean over his grief. 

So he turned around to his bed and laid down, pulling the covers over himself before he closed his eyes. He tried to listen to his heart, to what he wanted. 

But all his feelings were a ball of chaotic pulls and pushes, leading him in different directions. 

_ Time.  _ He just needed time. And then Dean and him could start from the beginning.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

It was kind of amazing how good Dean was at repressing shit. Six months since the night he and Cas had crossed a line that shouldn’t have been crossed, and it was like it had never happened. Dean ignored the pang of hurt that accompanied his occasional retrospection on that night, so he stopped thinking about it.

Time. Cas needed time. And Dean had every intention of giving him that. So it was just easier to act like nothing happened. It was bizarrely seamless as they slipped back into their respective roles, as friends. They never talked about it. It just sort of happened.

Dean found a case, invited Sam and Cas, and Sam chose to sit it out to spend more time with Eileen. Those two had gotten pretty chummy, and there were probably wedding bells in their future. Or the hunter equivalent, seeing as Sam was legally dead.

It didn’t take long for the awkwardness between them to fade. That first case, the drive to Minnesota was… tense to say the least. They only talked about the logistics of the case, and spent the rest of the drive in silence. It wasn’t until they reached the police department, in introducing themselves to the chief, when Cas fumbled his badge, dropping it into the guy’s coffee. Dean laughed for a solid five minutes.

And that was it. They were back to normal, or… as normal as a hunter and an angel who were pointedly ignoring the fact they fucked a week prior could get. 

As Dean stumbled into the kitchen to get his coffee, Cas was there, perusing a newspaper as he blindly kept pouring sugar into his coffee. The liquid was damn near up to the top of the mug. Without thinking about it, Dean grabbed Cas’s hand and tilted it to stop the sugar. “I don’t even see why you bother with the coffee.”

Cas looked up at him like a deer trapped in the headlights. "Um, sorry. I was lost in thought." He gently pulled his hand away from Dean to put down the sugar. "I think I found a case. Two dead people in Plain, Washington. Drained of their blood, and their hearts were missing."

Dean furrowed his brows, before realization struck and he smirked at Cas. “Werepire case?”

Cas replied with a soft smile. "It really looks like Werepires. Do you want to check it out?"

“Yeah, let me just grab a cup then I’ll pack some stuff. It’s what… a couple days drive?” Dean said as he patted Cas on the shoulder before making his way to the coffee pot.

"Twenty four hours, but with breaks, two days." Cas stood up and looked in the direction of the hallway. "I... I didn't want to ask Sam. He and Eileen have planned something on the weekend."

Dean nodded as he poured himself a cup of the still warm coffee. “Yeah, the lovebirds are celebrating their anniversary. I’m sure it’s something the two of us can handle.”

Cas leaned against the table, looking up at Dean with a charming smile. It made his heart stumble. "I'm sure they are happy to get rid of us."

“Goes both ways. They’re kinda gross,” Dean joked before gulping down half the cup of (not as warm as he thought) coffee. Cas had made it pretty strong, which was clearly for Dean’s benefit. Goddamn he loved that stupid angel. 

Dean crushed those thoughts by refilling his cup, he needed to be much more awake if he was going to be thinking those kind of thoughts before he spent the next week straight alone with the guy.

"I'm happy for them, but…" There was a sad smile on the angel's face. "I don't need to see that all the time either."

Dean snorted into his coffee. “Misery loves company.”

Cas tilted his head as he looked at him, before he seemed to get it. "I wouldn't go so far as saying I'm miserable. I actually feel… okay."

With a nod, Dean flashed him a small smile. “That’s good.”

"Do you feel miserable?" Cas asked softly after a moment of silence.

Helluva question. Dean shrugged as he leaned against the counter. “Not really, I guess.”

Dean knew the expression on Cas' face. He always looked like that when he was trying to figure out if someone was telling the truth. He appeared to have found his answer as he sighed and pushed himself away from the table. "I'll wait at the car."

With that, the angel was gone and Dean polished off his coffee before shooting Sam and Eileen a text  –  he knew better than to interrupt them  – and grabbing his pre-packed duffel. Dean grabbed a couple of extra weapons from the storage room on his way to the garage. Cas was leaning against Baby’s hood.

After tossing his stuff in the trunk, he motioned for Cas to get into the car. When Dean settled himself behind her wheel, he started her engine and gave Cas a small smile. “Wanna make a bet on if I’m right? If werepires actually exist?”

"Alright, what do I get when you lose?" Cas asked dryly.

Dean barked out a laugh. “You get the satisfaction of being right?”

Cas seemed to contemplate that for a while. "And what do you get?" He finally asked when they were leaving the bunker behind them.

“You, Sammy, and Eileen have to wear a shirt that says, ‘Dean was right’ for a week.”

Cas shook his head and looked out the window on his side. "That hardly seems fair."

Dean rolled his eyes. “Fine. What do you want  _ if _ you win?”

“I will choose our next movie for movie night,” Cas replied before he looked at Dean with a smirk.

Dean chuckled. “Deal.”

"I will very much enjoy this moment when I win now." Cas stretched his arms before he let out a soft sigh and looked like he was trying to find a comfortable position.

“You alright?” Dean asked, about to reach out to touch Cas’s knee. Thankfully he stopped himself.

Cas had noticed though. He lifted an eyebrow at him before he nodded. "I slept last night. I feel a little bit off. My muscles are sore."

Dean furrowed his brows. “Thought, uh… thought you got that fixed?” Dean had almost said Mick’s name, thankfully he caught himself.

Cas cleared his throat and nodded. "It was fixed, but only temporarily. I’ve used too much of my grace since then... and my connection to Heaven isn't strong enough to sustain it in any stable way."

That sounded anything but good. “Can… Is there anything we can do?”

Cas shook his head, looking out of his window again. "I'm beginning to think that this isn't a bad thing. The worst that could happen is that I end up being human."

“You hated being human.” Dean flashed him a skeptical look.

"Because in the past I had a very bad experience with it, but now..." Cas left that sentence hanging for a while before he turned to look at Dean. "I kind of like the thought." 

Dean nodded and said, “Just no banging any reapers.”

Cas frowned at him before he scrunched up his nose. "Dean... I... I thought we had an agreement."

Shit. That careless joke just put them right into awkward territory. Dean cleared his throat and focused on the road. “We, uh… well, I…” he shook his head and just murmured, “bad joke.”

He could feel Cas staring at him. "Dean, you... you didn't... um... have sex with anyone, right?"

Dean would have choked if he’d been drinking something. He shook his head. “No, not… not since you.”

A quick glance over to Cas showed him the relief in the angel's expression. "Okay, um good. Thank you," Cas murmured. 

Dean was dying to know where they stood, but he had promised to give Cas time. It was killing him that he was so terrified to ask. So, he pushed it down, pushed it away. Hell, he didn’t even ask if Cas had slept with anyone else, even though he was dying to know. He cleared his throat again and tapped Baby’s backrest. “Can you grab a different cassette?”

"Of course." There was a soft groan falling from Cas's lips as he reached over the back seat and grabbed the box of tapes. "Any wishes?"

“Whatever you want,” was out of his mouth before he could stop himself.  _ Stupid feelings compromising Baby’s one rule. _

Cas raised an eyebrow at him. "Can we listen to your Led Zeppelin tape then?” Cas asked carefully.

Dean nodded. “Sure, just not, um… not the Top 13 Traxx one.”

He could practically feel the way Cas tensed up next to him. “Why not?”

Lying to Cas felt wrong, so he took a deep breath and said, “I made it for you.”

He could hear Cas’s breathing hitch before he turned around and looked out of the window again. “I… I’m sorry for hurting you.”

“Me too,” was all he could say in response. It was a shitty situation all the way around. But it wasn’t like Dean fell in love often, and he fell out of love even less.

“So… you won’t give this to me at any time in the future?” Cas asked, and Dean could see that he was holding the tape.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, I mean… you get what making someone a mixtape means, right?”

Cas didn’t reply directly. When he answered it was quiet. “I think I do. But I thought...”

“Thought what?” 

“I thought… I hope your feelings for me haven’t changed.” The insecurity in Cas’s voice was clear as day.

Dean barked out a laugh. “You friggin’ kidding me?”

Cas looked crestfallen with his response before he looked away. “Never mind. I… just…” He grabbed a random tape and put it in. It turned out to be AC/DC. 

Dean couldn’t have this conversation and concentrate on driving, so he pulled over on the side of the freeway, throwing Baby into neutral before he turned to Cas. “I’m in love with you, and that won’t change until you tell me to get over you and move on.”

Cas stared at him before he inhaled an audible breath. “That will never happen, Dean.”

Dean swallowed dryly as he turned back to the steering wheel, twisting his hands around it. “Okay.”

“My feelings for you won’t change either, Dean,” Cas whispered. “I hope you know that. Just because I told you to wait… it doesn’t change anything.”

“I know,” he breathed out as he pulled onto the freeway again. “And I said I’m fine with waiting. I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

“I just hate hurting you,” Cas said after a while of silent driving.

Dean shook his head. “Don’t worry about me.”

Cas scoffed, but there was a soft smile on his face. “That’s easier said than done.”

“True,” Dean said as he flashed him a smile. “Why don’t you give me the details on the case?”

As Cas scrambled for the manila folder, Dean took a deep breath and tried to push all of the emotions threatening to bubble out of him back in the dark corner of his mind. Where they belonged.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

It was late when they arrived in Plain. Too late to meet up with the sheriff to go see the victims and learn more about the case. So Dean had found a motel room for them. 

Dean looked as tired as Cas was feeling, so he grabbed both Dean's and his own bag to carry it inside. He noticed pretty quickly that the room had only one bed. 

Cas raised an eyebrow. "Are you okay with sharing the bed with me? I really need sleep."

Dean smacked his own forehead with the palm of his hand and groaned. “Shit, I forgot. You can take the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor.”

"I don't mind sharing," Cas repeated the offer, hoping Dean would just accept it. He didn't want his friend to sleep on the floor.

“If you’re sure?” Dean said as he started pulling off his t-shirt. “Mind if I shower first?”

Cas couldn't help but stare at Dean's bare chest. He had missed seeing him like that and sometimes, he had tried to replay the night they had sex in his mind, when he needed to distract himself. "Um, what?" He asked, because he was sure Dean had said something.

Dean chuckled and said, “Need to get the road grime off. Mind if I take the shower first?”

"Not at all. Go ahead." He frowned when he remembered that he probably could use a shower, too. "Please leave a little bit of warm water."

“You got it,” Dean said as he dropped his jeans and underwear to his ankles and stepped out of them, making his way to the bathroom, completely naked.

"Dean," Cas breathed out, staring at Dean's perfect form, his fingers itching with the need to touch him. "I'm very human at the moment."

Dean flipped back to face Cas, which only made things worse, before he covered his groin with his hands. “Sorry, um… I wasn’t thinking,” he said as he bent over to grab his boxers.

"Hmmm," Cas swallowed dryly. "It's okay… On second thought… maybe don't save any warm water for me."

Dean nodded and quickly slipped his underwear back on. “I’ll… try to remember next time.”

Cas shook his head slowly, still trying to get his thoughts in order as he stepped in front of Dean, touching his hip bone with one hand. "Don't. It's not like I don't like what I see."

The hitch in Dean’s breath caused a shiver down Cas’s spine. Dean visibly swallowed as he held Cas’s stare. “You’re giving some serious mixed signals, Cas.”

Cas looked away from Dean, feeling ashamed for his weakness. "I'm sorry. You're just very, um, irresistible like this."

There was a beat of unbearable silence before Dean murmured, “Fuck it,” and closed the gap between them, capturing Cas’s lips in a desperate kiss.

Cas answered with an equal desperation. Weeks of longing and frustration erupted in a massive surge of neediness as Cas pushed Dean against the bathroom door, sliding his tongue between his lips, his palms roaming over Dean's chest.

Dean's hands fumbled to loosen his tie before he tackled the buttons on his shirt. When he got three buttons undone, he clearly lost patience and ripped Cas’s shirt open. He mumbled, “I’ll fix it later,” before he dove in for another kiss.

Cas grabbed Dean's ass tightly before he pulled him backwards to the bed. "Dean, I need you on the bed. Now." He pulled Dean's boxers down to Dean's knees before opening his own pants, freeing his erection.

Instead of listening, Dean sank to his knees and gripped Cas’s cock before he swallowed him almost all the way down.

Cas gasped in surprise and with the onslaught of pleasure, his hands flew to Dean’s head and gripped his hair. “Dean, uh… what?”

Dean pulled off, still slowly pumping Cas’s cock before he murmured, “Been thinking about this…” he then wrapped his lips around the head of Cas’s cock again.

Cas’s eyes fluttered shut and he groaned, carding his fingers through Dean’s hair. Dean’s mouth felt amazing, hot and wet, and it took everything not to thrust into his mouth. His heart stumbled when he thought about Dean having fantasies about him. “Feels so good, Dean,” he sighed before biting down on his lower lip.

Dean used one hand to grip Cas’s hip while the other stroked in time to meet his lips’ shortfall. The same kind of gusto Dean had when eating a particularly good burger.

It was hard for Cas to hold himself in check as he moaned loudly, watching Dean pleasuring him with his mouth. “Dean. I… I don’t know how long…”

Dean pulled off with a soft gasp. “Definitely want you to fuck me when you come…” he breathed out.

“Yes,” Cas breathed out. “Please. I want you, Dean. I want you so much.” He held out his hand to help Dean up. “Get on the bed.” 

Dean drew Cas in for a quick kiss before throwing himself backwards onto the bed.

Cas watched how he kicked off his underwear, laying naked from the waist down and waiting for him. He licked over his way too dry lips as he got closer, before he remembered something. “Wait a second,” he murmured as he walked over to his duffel bag to get the tube of lube. Although he hadn't been sure if he and Dean would ever be intimate again in the near future, he still always carried a tube around in his bag – just in case. What he didn’t have was condoms. “Dean, I don’t have any condoms.”

“I’m clean,” he assured as he leaned up to bring Cas closer, palm braced at the back of his neck as he kissed him again. 

Cas groaned into the kiss, opening the bottle with a flip of his fingers before he spread it on his hand. “Dean, I… I might not have enough energy to help you relax.”

Dean chuckled and shrugged. “Then I can prep myself for you,” he murmured, lips tilted in a smirk.

Cas spread the lube around Dean’s hole, circling the rim to tease Dean. “I didn’t say I can’t do it. It will just take a little bit longer. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Better get started,” Dean groaned as he gripped Cas by the wrist and pushed him to probe deeper. 

Cas moaned as he watched his finger slip inside. "Dean, yes. Please guide me. Fuck yourself on my finger." He had no idea where this was coming from. He just knew that his brain wasn't working anymore.

That was met with another deep groan, as Dean started slowly moving his hips while guiding Cas’s finger even deeper, literally obeying his command. “Fuck, Cas…”

Cas was panting hard now, watching Dean. His own erection was pulsing with envy. "Tell me when you need more," he breathed out, fascinated by the show Dean was giving him.

“Now,” Dean gasped out.

His heart stumbled as he quickly followed Dean's request, carefully pushing a second finger inside of him next to the first one. Dean felt hot and so tight, and he couldn't wait to have sex with him.

The soft moan that escaped Dean’s lips went straight to his cock. “Kiss me,” Dean pleaded.

He didn't need to be asked twice. Cas leaned over and pulled Dean into an open-mouthed and dirty kiss, loving how Dean's tongue felt against his own. He groaned as he pushed his fingers deeper into Dean, starting to scissor him.

“Oh, fuck,” Dean groaned as he started fucking himself on Cas’s fingers again, “can’t wait to feel you again.”

"Me neither, Dean," he growled as he softly bit into Dean's lower lip. "I need you. I need you so much, Dean." He teased Dean with a third finger, slowly pushing it in.

Dean moaned and roughly pushed Cas’s fingers deeper at his wrist. “Fuck me, Cas, I’m stretched enough.”

Although Cas couldn't think of anything he wanted to do more, he had to ask. "Are you sure you're ready? I don't want to hurt you."

Without skipping a beat, Dean’s lips were on his, needy, desperate, a give and take of urgency and permission. “I wanna feel you for weeks.”

Cas gasped and nodded against his lips. "Yes, Dean... spread your legs for me." He quickly put some lube over his erection, moaning with his heightened state of lust. He lined himself up, looking into Dean’s eyes before he slowly leaned down and kissed him again. Gentle this time, trying to show him what he was feeling as he slowly pushed into Dean’s tightness.

Dean gripped Cas’s shoulders with a deep, appreciative groan. “Yes,” he hissed against Cas’s lips.

"Are you okay?" Cas asked quietly before his lips wandered to Dean's throat to suck a bruise into the delicate skin.

“Better.” Dean arched up, forcing Cas to slam all the way in. 

He couldn't hold back after that and started to fuck Dean in an unrelentling, fast pace. He knew he couldn't keep this up for a very long time but he couldn't stop. It felt too perfect, too incredible to slow down. His hand grabbed Dean's cock to stroke it, before he drew him into a kiss again. "Dean, Dean... so good."

The breathy moans that escaped his lover’s lips matched the beating of his heart. Dean let out a sharp gasp. “Cas… Cas… I’m gonna…”

"Come for me, Dean," Cas growled, biting Dean's lips again. He knew he would come with a few more thrusts, too.

Dean cried out Cas’s name when his hips arched up, clenching in a vice-like grip, that tight heat almost robbing Cas of the air in his lungs as Dean painted his own chest in his come. “Fuck, fuck…” 

It pushed Cas right over, not being able to hold back any longer, as he came inside of Dean with a gasp and Dean's name on his lips. He stared at him as they were both trying to calm down their breathing, before he pulled him into a soft kiss. 

When he leaned back, he shifted them onto their sides, his cock slowly slipping out as he pulled Dean close to his heated body. "I feel like I could sleep for a few days now," he murmured before pressing a kiss to Dean's temple.

He could feel the reverberations as Dean chuckled. “A week, at least.”

Cas laughed, loving the feeling of lightness and happiness in his chest. He hadn't felt like that in a long time. He pressed his lips against Dean's throat and dragged them over the skin, leaving soft kisses in his trail to Dean's collarbone.

Dean raked his fingers through Cas’s hair, letting out a contented sigh. “Damn, I think we both needed that.”

Cas hummed and almost purred. He loved feeling Dean's fingers in his hair. "Yes, I have daydreamed about this for quite some time now," he confessed quietly.

“You have?” Dean sounded hopeful.

Cas looked up at him, so Dean could see how serious he was. "Yes. A lot. I... Our first time... it was too early but... I've missed you. I miss feeling you like this, and being close to you."

Dean’s expression was almost vulnerable, a small, hesitant smile curling his lips. “I missed you too.”

The gap between them felt too far in that instance, and Cas leaned closer to brush his lips softly over Dean's. "I don't want to keep missing you."

“Then don’t,” Dean murmured as he gently cupped Cas’s cheek and deepened the kiss.

He allowed himself to get lost in the kiss for a moment before he leaned back to give Dean a serious look. "Dean. I..." He cleared his throat.  _ Why was this so hard? _ "I want to go on a date with you."

Dean’s smile was infectious as he let out a soft laugh. “Done. After I win the bet and we get rid of these werepires, I’ll take you on the best date of your life.”

Cas's heart stumbled again as he reciprocated the smile. "I'm happy... but we'll see about the bet."

**…. :::: :::: ….**

After they got directions from a gruff old woman at the gas station, Dean and Cas had found the possible nest, or lair, or whatever it was they found from the lead. 

There was an abandoned barn  – and why was it always a friggin’ barn  – just on the outskirts of town. Apparently where the junkies all met up to get high, no one paid their absence any mind, except a young woman who would try to help them.

Dean leaned over to fix Cas’s damn tie, taking the opportunity to press a quick kiss to his lips before he got out of the car. “Check the perimeter first?” he suggested over her roof.

Cas nodded at him. "Do you want to split up? I'll go right and you left"

“Meet at the back door,” Dean said with a nod as he lifted his gun and headed left, careful to round each corner. So far, so good. There weren’t any creatures that he could see. In fact, the place was pretty dead, no pun intended. By the time he reached the back door, Cas was waiting for him. 

He gave him a terse nod, angel blade in his hand. "I'll go first," Cas whispered as he grabbed the door handle and carefully pushed it open.

Dean slipped in behind Cas. The barn was as dead and empty as the outside; all Dean could see was an eerily familiar layout. He wondered if all barns had the same layout when suddenly it clicked, and Dean let out a soft laugh.

Cas tilted his head. "What is it?"

Dean flashed him a smile. “First time we met was a place just like this.”

Cas seemed to look surprised before he looked around. A soft smile played around his lips. "You're right."

Before Dean could respond, he was yanked back by an unseen force, slamming him against the back wall. Dean let out a groan as a sharp pain hit his shoulder  – a fucking big ass splinter. “Shit,” he breathed out as he fumbled for his own angel blade.

He could hear Cas yelling his name, and when he looked up he saw him fighting against two vampires.

Dean dodged the closest fang and rolled onto his knees, slamming his angel blade right through the fucker’s groin. The vicious bitch howled in pain and scratched her claws against his face.

Wait a minute… vampires didn’t have claws.

Cas had managed to kill one of the attackers, and was fighting the other vampire now. A vampire that also had claws. Those fuckers were Werpires! He knew it!

An enormous bastard dropped from the rafters and slammed Dean against the ground. The thing straddled Dean’s hips, and he used the little momentum he had to swing his legs up, getting the heels of his boots around the thing's neck and quickly jerking his feet to snap the guy’s neck.

Dean shoved the body off of him, and as he moved to stand, another one of the creatures pummeled into him like a freight train. There was significant pain in his neck as his head slammed against the wall. In a matter of moments, everything faded to black.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

The monotone beeping sound of the heart monitor was the only noise in the room. Cas sat next to Dean’s hospital bed on an uncomfortable white plastic chair, holding Dean’s hand. He blamed himself for the situation. He was only able to save Dean from being turned into a… werepire, but he hadn’t managed to heal the rest of his wounds.

Although he didn’t mind slowly turning human, he really hated that he couldn’t heal Dean anymore. He bit down on his lower lip, trying his best to distract himself from the turmoil in his chest. The reality had been a rude awakening.

If something happened to Dean… He didn’t know if he could go through all this again. Losing someone he loved.

And he loved Dean. He wanted to be with him. But in the past few weeks, what had held him back was a simple reason. Fear. They led a dangerous life. And any day could be their last.

He remembered Mick’s words though, telling him that everything was worth it.

And although Cas thought the same, the fear lingered, paralyzed him in making a decision. 

His mind reminded him that if Dean died before they tried to have a relationship, he would never experience happiness again. And he couldn’t predict the future. What if they decided to try this and ended up getting old together? 

If he said no to their relationship out of fear, then he would miss out on everything good that could be.

He sighed and leaned down to kiss the back of Dean’s hand, holding it to his lips as he closed his eyes. He didn’t want to miss out on this. Dean made him happy, and Cas… he wanted to be happy.

When Dean’s hand squeezed back, he turned to look up, seeing Dean shift slightly against the bed with a deep groan of pain.

"Dean?" Cas asked carefully before he carded his fingers through his hair.

Dean slowly blinked his eyes open, and when they fell on Cas’s face, his lips curled up in a loving smile. He grimaced as he moved to sit up, and furrowed his brow as he looked at the wires and tubes attached to him.

Cas pressed his palm on Dean's chest. "Lay still. You were badly hurt."

Dean groaned as he lifted the blanket to look down at himself, and then turned to Cas. He flashed him another smile as he rested his head against the pillow. “What happened?”

"The... um, werepire attacked you. I'm sorry, I could only prevent you from turning into one of those, too; I didn't have enough power to heal your injuries. So I brought you here. You lost a lot of blood." Cas squeezed Dean's hand before he sighed and looked down at the bed sheet. "They are all dead now."

There was a beat of silence as Dean grasped Cas’s hand and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. He leaned back again and gave Cas a dazed smile. “So… you’re sayin’ I won the bet?”

"I won't wear the t-shirt," Cas replied dryly before he smiled. Dean had weird priorities. "But you can ask anything else." He hoped the insinuation was clear to Dean.

Dean chuckled, which prompted him to cough slightly. “I’m legally dead and you technically don’t exist, I don’t think we  _ can _ get married.”

Cas stared at Dean for a few minutes, waiting for his brain to work again. "Wh... What?

“Just kiss me,” Dean said with a soft laugh as he nodded for Cas to come closer.

Cas's heart beat way too fast as he leaned over to kiss Dean. Dean’s words were still on his mind. "Dean," he whispered against his lips. “Is that really something you wish?” he asked quietly as he leaned back to look at him.

Dean let out a soft laugh as he gently caressed Cas’s cheek. “I think I owe you a date first.”

The warmth from Dean's palm felt soothing, so he leaned his head against it. "I think you do. But first you need to get better, Dean."

“How long I gotta stay here?” Dean asked with a soft huff of frustration.

"I don't know," Cas replied with a sigh. "We must wait to hear what the doctor says."

Dean pursed his lips before he said, “So, I’m guessing sex in the hospital bed is out of the question?”

Cas crossed his arms over his chest. "Absolutely. I want to get you out of here as soon as possible."

“Damnit,” he said with a laugh as he started pressing the call button on the remote for the nurse. 

A moment later, a young man with long hair pulled back in a ponytail appeared in the doorway. “Mr. Mercury! You’re awake.”

Dean nodded and tugged on his IV. “Yeah, can I go home now?”

The nurse appeared taken aback for a moment before he shook his head and said, “I’m going to get the doctor.”

Dean let out a soft sigh and sank back against the pillows. He looked over at Cas and whined, “Are you sure we can’t have a  _ little _ sex?”

Cas raised his eyebrow. “No, and stop asking. The doctor will be here soon, and if you’re lucky they’ll let you go.” He tried to sound serious, but he couldn’t help the smile tugging on his lips with Dean’s whining.

That was met with a small huff. “You’re no fun,” he said, the small smile belying his true feelings.

"I think I can live with that," Cas replied dryly. 

They were interrupted when the doctor, a handsome middle aged man with a friendly smile, came in. "Mr. Mercury. My name is Dr. Corvin. I've heard you already want to leave us?"

Dean nodded and held his IV out to the man. “Yeah, we'd like to go home.”

The doctor chuckled and pulled out his stethoscope as he approached the bed. “We’ll run a few more tests, I’ll get a tech in here to draw some labs, and I’d like to get another X-ray. Then we can talk discharge.”

“What if I just leave?”

Dr. Corvin quirked his brow as he put the earpieces in and held out the resonator. “You can leave AMA  – we can’t stop you  – but your insurance won’t cover this visit if you do.”

Cas rubbed his hand over his forehead. "Will we endanger his healing process if I take him home now?"

“I can’t say until we’ve run the tests.”

Cas raised his eyebrow at Dean. “I know you want to go home, but maybe we should wait.” He was really worried about Dean, especially because he couldn’t do anything to help him.

Dean sighed and nodded. “Fine.”

Dr. Corvin chuckled. “I’ll try to see if we can expedite the process.” With that, he gave them both a reassuring smile and left the room.

Cas grabbed Dean’s hand again and squeezed it. “I just don’t want to risk anything. Get better first. You still owe me a date.”

Dean drew their joined hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to Cas’s knuckles. “Can’t say no to you.”

"Good," Cas replied softly. He would make sure to use that knowledge in their future together.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

“Wakey, wakey, Sunshine…”

Cas blinked his eyes open, surprised to see Dean awake and dressed, leaning over him. "It's very early, Dean," Cas murmured after a quick glance at the alarm on Dean's night stand. "Why are you awake?"

Dean smiled as he pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. “It’s a surprise. I have coffee waiting for you.” He stood up and held his hand out for Cas to take. 

Cas took his hand and let himself get pulled up, wondering what Dean wanted to do.

He smiled and quietly pulled him through the bunker and into the garage after Cas had dressed. Dean opened the passenger side door of the Impala for Cas with a small bow as he chuckled. There was a couple of to-go cups on the dashboard. 

Cas couldn't help but smile back at Dean before he gave him a questioning look. "Where are we going?" he asked as he sat down in the car.

Dean slipped behind the wheel and looked at the clock display on his radio. It was three in the morning. “You up for a road trip?”

"Sure, do I get a hint?" Cas smiled before he leaned over and kissed Dean's cheek. Just because he could.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Dean winked as he started the engine and put the car in drive, gently pulling out to the sounds of the orchestra accompanying the rock band he loved.

“Can we listen to this?” Cas asked carefully as he held up the tape Dean had made for him. Cas knew that Dean was sensitive about the tape, but he hoped that maybe he had changed his mind.

Dean nodded and flashed him a small smile. “Yeah, anything you want.”

Cas felt incredibly relieved by Dean's reply. It seemed like they really were moving forward in their relationship. “I like this band,” he murmured after a while of listening to the tape.

The smile he was rewarded with was almost as blinding as Cas’s true form. Dean nodded and said, “That’s, like, the ultimate testament to how good they are. A friggin’ angel likes them.”

Cas smiled and tilted his head. “I had no idea my species was a form of measurement.”

“Didn’t you? It goes like this,” Dean started as he used his right hand to show his measurements, “Lucifer, demons, Crowley, babies, old people, Neil Peart, cherubs, full angels, Chuck, you.”

Cas quirked his brow, trying to hide his smirk. “You put me above God?”

Dean nodded emphatically. “Definitely.”

"It's still a weird list though, but thank you for the compliment." Cas couldn't help but smile at Dean again. He always managed to make him smile, to make him happy.

Dean chuckled. “Fact, not a compliment.”

Dean could be rather charming when he wanted to be. Cas tried to hide his smile by looking out the window. He slid closer to Dean before he dropped a kiss on his shoulder. “It’s nice to go somewhere without it being a case.”

Dean slid his arm around Cas and drew him close, the other hand propped against the wheel with the ease and air of confidence of a man who knew the ins and outs of his vehicle better than his own bodily construction. He chuckled again. “Yeah. It doesn’t happen enough.”

Cas nodded against Dean's shoulder before he pressed a gentle and lingering kiss to Dean's throat. "This is very nice. Thank you."

The hunter pressed a kiss to the crown of his head. “Just you wait.”

"I still don't get a hint?" Cas asked with a smile on his face; one that mirrored the content feeling of being held in Dean's arms.

“Not even a little hint.”

"I could try guessing?" Cas suggested. “Is it a place where they sell pie?”

Dean barked out a laugh and smirked. “I like the way you think, but no.”

“Burgers?” Cas guessed again.

“Man, now I’m worried you’re gonna be disappointed with where I’m taking you.” 

"I don't believe that will happen. I'm already happy that we're spending time with each other." Cas turned to look up at Dean. "Is this our date?"

Dean flashed him a surreptitious smile. “Maybe…”

"Just maybe?" Cas laughed at Dean before he took a sip from his coffee.

The way the hunter’s lips curled up in an even sweeter smile filled his chest with a fluttering reminiscent of wings, like that of a bee. Maybe even a hummingbird. Dean started gently caressing Cas’s arm as he turned onto the highway. “You got me.”

Cas hummed along with the music before he asked, "How long until we get there?"

“Couple of hours maybe?”

Cas gave him a surprised look. "That's a long way for a date. Are you sure it’s alright? What if Sam finds a case?"

Dean quirked his brow and let out a snort of derision. “He’s got Eileen. They can handle one case without us.”

Somehow that made him feel warm all over. "So, spending time with me is more important to you than a case?"

“Making you smile is definitely more important than a case.” 

"Dean Winchester," Cas shook his head. "I had no idea you could be romantic."

Dean rolled his eyes and shoved at Cas. “Shut up.”

"What? I like it." Cas grinned and looked out of the window. "Makes me feel special."

“You are, Cas. You are.”

For a long time they didn't say anything, just enjoyed the ride in companionable silence, the music and roaring of the engine, the only sounds in the car. Cas had closed his eyes, the sunlight of a rising morning warming his face through the windshield. “When did you figure it out? That you like me as more than just a friend.”

There was a beat of silence before Dean let out a soft sigh. “Purgatory. I refused to think what I felt for you was more than friendship for years, but I knew. I knew then.”

"Why then?"

Dean pressed a kiss to the crown of his head as he gently covered Cas’s right hand with his own. “I’d looked for you, for a year. And even though I was ninety five percent sure you were dead, especially considering Benny kept saying you were, that damn five percent was enough to make me keep searching. And then I saw you by the river. You were filthy, had a scraggly beard, looked like a friggin’ crazed hobo…” Dean chuckled. “And you were the most beautiful thing I’d seen in a long time.”

Cas squeezed himself closer to Dean, closing his eyes as he remembered the moment. "I was so shocked to see you. Every day I wished you would just give up on me and leave Purgatory. I didn't think I deserved to be saved.”

“Well, you didn’t get a choice, ‘cause I was gonna bring you back with me if it was the last thing I did. And it very well might have been,” he said with a soft laugh.

"We've lost each other so often over the years, but we always find our way back to each other. It's a nice thought that we always end up together again," Cas mused quietly.

Dean shifted slightly to take hold of the wheel with both hands as he took a sharp turn off the exit ramp of the highway. He flashed him a quick smile as he said, “I’d say it was fate, but that bitch hates us.”

"Hate is a strong word." Cas shrugged when he thought about his last encounter with her. "But accurate." He turned to face Dean with a bright smile. "Our profound bond is probably stronger than fate."

Dean chuckled as he wrapped his arm over Cas’s shoulder again once they were on the main road. “I’ll never forget Sammy’s face when you said that to me the first time. He looked so sad and confused that you liked me better.”

“Back then I was a very crappy liar. I knew it wasn't nice to say, but he asked." Cas chuckled.

“Hey, man. That’s what he gets for asking.” 

As Dean made a turn onto a rather long, slightly winding road, the sun was rising, and the vibrant green of the trees and foliage that surrounded the road was almost comparable to the eye color of the man presently driving it. After passing a lake and continuing down a winding drive, Dean turned right into an exceedingly large parking lot. As he pulled into a space, he turned to Cas and smiled. “We’re here.”

"At Lake Shawnee?" Cas asked before he exited the car with Dean. He walked up close to him and looked around. The sky was picturesque that morning, painting the few clouds in soft pink and orange hues. Birds were singing in the lush trees surrounding the parking space. 

Dean grabbed his hand and guided him to a large building. There was a sign:  _ Welcome to Ted Ensley Gardens.  _ He smiled and said, “This is one of the best public gardens in all of Kansas.”

Cas was surprised. "Have you been here before?"

“Once,” he said with a nod. “Back when you were human. After I kicked you out I tried to find you, so I went to every public garden in the state.”

That was new information. Something he hadn't expected. "You tried to find me?"

Dean gave him a sad smile. “Out of all of the things I’ve done in my past, terrible things, I only have one regret. And it was abandoning you when you needed me most.”

"You had good reason to." It was a hard time back then and Cas  _ had _ needed Dean. But when he found out why Dean had done it, he instantly forgave him. 

Dean cupped his face, looking more serious than he’d ever seen him. “No, Cas. I didn’t. I should have stood up for you. I should have been there for you.”

"You couldn't risk your brother's life, Dean. You know I would never want you to endanger Sam just because of me."

He let out a mirthless chuckle. “I’ll never want my brother hurt, but I’m tired of hurting someone I love because of my stupid need to protect a man who is more than capable of taking care of himself. He’s so damn strong. I don’t know why it took me so long to see it.”

"It doesn't matter anymore. That was in the past, and I’d rather look at our future," Cas replied softly.

Dean smiled shyly. He held his hand out for Cas to take. “Our future. I like the sound of that.”

Cas leaned in for another soft kiss and a second one right after, just because Dean let him. "Would you show me the garden?" 

With a faint nod, Dean drew away, but never released his hand. After he paid their admission, he opened the door of the main office building and the moment they stepped outside again, there was an elongated cobblestone path surrounded by thousands of different colored flowers. From tulips to birds of paradise, it was almost a recreation of his favorite Heaven to visit. The colors and smells were intoxicating. 

There were even bees and butterflies flying around them. "Dean, this is beautiful."

“Yeah,” Dean breathed out, but when he turned to look at him, his focus was entirely on Cas.

Cas felt himself blushing, a shy smile playing around his lips as he pulled Dean closer. "Dean," he murmured before he cupped his cheek and kissed him gently. "Thank you for bringing me here. This is already the best date of my life."

For a second he felt guilty again, thinking about Mick. But he knew that Mick would want him to be happy. And for the first time it didn’t hurt thinking about him. The pain was gone, and all that was left were the pleasant memories he had of Mick.

Dean chuckled and nodded in agreement. “Mine too.”

Cas squeezed his hand before they continued down the trail. It felt peaceful. There were only a few other people in the garden and every time they were alone, Cas stole a soft kiss from Dean's lips. "So what do you usually do on a date? My only knowledge comes from movies, and I’m not sure how accurate those are."

That was met with a shrug. Dean chuckled and said, “Well, normal people usually go to dinner and a movie. But we’re kinda the furthest thing from normal.”

"True," Cas replied with a smile when they walked past an ice cream stand. "Do you want ice cream?"

“Hell yeah,” he said as he pulled Cas back to the stand. Even at the stand, Dean didn’t let go of his hand. “Is your mojo still low enough to taste ice cream?”

"Yes," Cas answered thoughtfully before he smiled at Dean. "I told you being almost human had some advantages."

Dean smirked. “Can’t argue that. So, what flavor would you like?”

“What is the bright blue one?” Cas asked as he squinted his eyes at the blue ice cream.

Before Dean could answer, the ice cream vendor replied in a monotone voice, "It's Smurf. We make it fresh from Smurfs."

Cas looked over at Dean with a confused head tilt, mouthing the word, “Smurfs?”

It was obvious Dean was trying very hard to keep a straight face. “I showed you the cartoon, remember?”

"Oh, right." Cas remembered now. "The one with the ridiculously happy blue creatures that had only one female version in their village and one father. I think I'll take that ice cream."

Dean chuckled and said, “Two Smurf ice creams please.”

The vendor snickered, and prepared them each a Smurf ice cream cone. "You kids have fun."

"Thank you," Cas replied with a friendly smile as he put the money from his trenchcoat pocket on the man's counter. 

He gave the ice cream a suspicious look as they walked to a bench and sat down. It had a nice view of the lake and ducks were running around them, searching for food. 

Cas carefully licked at the blue Smurf ice cream. It must have contained a lot of sugar, because it was very sweet and like nothing he had ever tasted. "I had no idea Smurf would taste so good." 

Dean shook his head in amusement as he took a bite of his ice cream. “I’m wondering if it would break your heart to know it’s not actually Smurf.”

Cas raised an eyebrow at Dean. "So if it isn't Smurf, what is it?"

“I think it’s just a vanilla ice cream dyed blue.” Dean ended up getting some of the ice cream on his chin, but he clearly couldn’t feel it as he kept on eating the treat.

Cas leaned forward and rubbed the ice cream away with his thumb before he licked it from his own finger. It tasted like ice cream plus Dean. So he leaned in one more time to capture Dean's lips in a soft kiss, licking to taste the ice cream directly from Dean. When he leaned back he gave Dean a dreamy smile. “Whatever it is, it tastes better from your lips.”

Dean chuckled and wrapped his arm around Cas’s shoulder. “So, I’m your favorite flavor?”

"Yes, you most definitely are," Cas replied with a smile before he kissed him again. This time he deepened the kiss, licking over Dean's tongue. He felt breathless when he pulled back and looked at Dean.

The sun was hitting Dean's face at just the right angle to make his eyes shine with bright happiness. Cas couldn't look away from him, and that was when he realized that there was no guilt accompanying his own happiness. 

There was only Dean, their date, and eating ice cream on a bench. And Cas knew he had never felt perfection like this before in his life. And he also realized that he was going to be okay. He smiled at Dean, despite a tear falling from his eyes. A tear of relief. 

“Everything is going to be okay. I believe that now.” His smile grew wider as he added, “Good things do happen.”

Dean gently caressed his cheek, wiping away the tear with the pad of his thumb. “Of course they do. You being in my life is proof of that.”

"Dean," Cas breathed out before he leaned in for another gentle kiss. "I love you. I'm happy that we're giving this...  _ us  _ a chance."

“Me, too, Cas. And we can still take it as slow as you need. I know that… I know that you still miss Mick, and you’ll always love him. I know we’re still going kind of fast considering you’re still grieving. So, your pace. Whatever you need.”

Cas looked down and bit his lip before he nodded. "I'm... I'm fine, Dean." A smile tugged at his lips as he looked at the hunter. "I just thought of him and I didn't feel sad anymore. He wants me to be happy, and I feel ready. I feel ready to be happy again."

Dean smiled and held Cas’s free hand. “I’m glad I’m not the asshole making you sad for once.”

"It's a new start for both of us, to do it right this time." Cas squeezed his hand before he returned his attention to his ice cream.

They sat there in companionable silence, holding hands and finishing their ice cream cones. The sun had completely risen by that time, and the light of this new day was a rather poetic comparison to their new start. Dean gave him a small smile and said, “Wanna go see where they keep their bees?”

Cas smiled brightly at Dean when the excitement bubbled up in his chest. "Of course, yes!"

Dean chuckled and moved to stand, pulling Cas up with him. “Come on.”

Cas loved that Dean was so committed to this. That he had overcome being uncomfortable with being affectionate in public places. Cas wasn't the only one who had changed a lot over the past few months. Dean had too.

"I thought you didn't like bees?"

“I friggin’ hate ‘em.”

Cas shook his head with a smile. "And still you want to show them to me."

Dean shrugged. “You like ‘em.”

"I do. Very much. I think it's because they remind me of Heaven, how it used to be. Everyone had his work, his mission to work as a collective for a common goal." Which was probably why he felt nostalgic every time he saw a bee. "They also make honey, and I like honey."

That was met with a fond chuckle as he pressed a kiss to Cas’s cheek. “Then you’re in luck. They sell their honey in the gift shop.”

"Look, Mommy, that man just kissed the other man!" A young child near them exclaimed, very loudly. 

Cas looked over at them, watching as the mother tried to shush her child, looking really embarrassed. He tilted his head and turned to the boy. "Yes, because he is my... um... boyfriend?" He had no idea if that was the correct term for them.

Dean nodded and pulled his hand up to his lips to kiss his knuckles. “Sounds good to me.”

Cas smiled at him before he turned back to the boy who replied, "But you're not a girl. You can only have a boyfriend as a girl. That's the rule."

“Well, technically, he’s an angel, so that rule doesn’t apply to him,” Dean told the child as he winked at Cas. 

"Pffft." The kid crossed his arms across his chest. "He has no wings. And he looks like a ma–"

The mother clapped her hand over her child’s mouth, who, unimpressed, still tried to talk, it just wasn't audible anymore. She gave them both a quick, embarrassed look. "Sorry, there is no off switch to that mouth."

Dean chuckled and smiled. “It’s alright. Well, my against-the-rules boyfriend and I are gonna go see the rest of the garden. You two have a nice day.”

"Thank you. Um, you too," the woman returned, sounding confused. 

Cas squeezed Dean’s hand, happy that even now Dean wasn’t letting go of him, but instead had defended their relationship. His commitment made Cas’s chest feel warm and light. 

He gave Dean a shy smile and pulled him over to the apiary as soon as his eyes landed on the sign that advertized the bees. He had already noticed a few of them flying around. “I want to show you something.”

He held out his hand, palm open and up, and waited for a few seconds before a bee flew over and landed on his palm. He carefully pulled it closer for Dean to see. “See the yellow bags on each side? It almost looks like they are flying around with little handbags.”

Dean looked at him, a completely dumbfounded expression on his face. “Did… did you just summon a bee to your hand?”

"Yes?" Cas asked, confused about the question. 

“You can summon bees?” Dean sounded awed, and mildly terrified.

Cas squinted his eyes at him before he tilted his head. "Remember when I landed on the hood of your car covered in bees, and you screamed like a girl? How do you think I made them land on me back then?"

“Dude, you were all kinds of crazy, how was I supposed to know you didn’t cover yourself in honey to attract them?” Dean playfully shoved his elbow into Cas’s side. “And I did  _ not  _ scream like a girl.”

Cas gave him a pointed look. "You did scream like a girl, and you know it. Covering myself in honey would have been a waste of perfectly good honey. I would also have attracted bears or other animals I didn't want to attract if I had done that. Like flies." Cas shuddered at the thought.

Dean smirked. “If it’d been cherry pie filling, you would’ve attracted certain hunters, too.”

Cas smirked back at him. "I'll keep that in mind the next time I'm in bed waiting for you."

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck and braced their foreheads together. He murmured, “I knew it.”

“You knew what?” Cas asked with an amused frown.

“You’re the one,” he said simply.

His heart skipped a beat and he looked up at Dean with a bright, happy smile. "It looks like my aria gets a happy ending after all," he murmured more to himself, remembering how Mick had wished his Gérald wouldn't end up being as stupid as in the opera. 

At Dean’s confused expression, he shook his head. "It's not important. I'm just really happy."

And this was it. This was the end he had wanted. It wasn't with the person he had expected he would end up with. But deep in his heart, he knew it was the person he had always longed to be with. 

And now he couldn't wait to buy some honey and make new memories.

**The End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Frankie here:** Oh, man! So, interestingly enough, this fic got abandoned for a hot minute (we started writing it mid-season 12) after Mick’s canon death cuz, well, fuck them, I loved Mick! And I’m sure a lot of you felt the same way. But one random day a few months back, Any got a hair up her ass to finish this story, canon be damned. And as we were writing it I thought: FUCK. We should make this end game Destiel. And that’s what happened! Lol. I’m actually super proud of what we did with this fic. Challenging ourselves and our characters in new and fun ways we hadn’t before. I just hope you guys like this as much as we enjoyed writing it!
> 
>  **Any here:** I think this fic will always have a special place in my heart. Because this is our love declaration to Mick. A character who died way too fast on this show. We started to write this story before his death, even before the episodes that were more Mick-centric. Because from his introduction scene on we shipped him with Cas. 
> 
> His death on the show really influenced that story because we thought we would never finish it now. To turn it into a Destiel story pulled us into it again. So we decided to give Mick a bit of happiness before the canon got to him. Thank you for reading.
> 
>  **Frankie here:** Yeah, I loved what we did here. Hopefully, if you gave this fic a chance, you enjoyed how we explored the wealth of emotion for these characters, and tried to find new ways to twist beloved cliches. 
> 
> **Any here:** Well, we have a warning at the beginning. So hopefully no one who hates Mick or can’t imagine Cas with him, read this story. 
> 
> **Frankie here:** Lol, here's to hoping! And I seriously loved what you did with your characterization in this fic, Any. Seriously. I love that every version of your Cas is within the realm of canon while never quite being the exact same iteration. 
> 
> **Any here:** #^_^# Thank you. I always hope to write Cas as believable. In every fic I pick one of Cas's major issues and build the rest around it, hoping it fits the story and mood. I really love that you evolved Dean's character in this fic and I love that we started to see that in the series, too. Like Dean starting to trust Sam more, or he seems to open up more, especially to Cas, and talks about his problems for a change. Anyway, I really loved writing this fic, although I really intended to make this endgame Mick/Cas. Damn you, writers for killing Mick. Seriously.
> 
> Anyway! We hope you enjoyed this little fic! <3<3


End file.
